Iâm 44 years old, iâve been married for 21 years and have 4 children aged 8, 11, 13, and 14. The girl I married was my childhood sweetheart and we have been together since we 15 years old. Over the past few years we have been growing apart, I have my hobbies and she has hers, I have my friends and she has hers, however our relationship has bee continuing in a dull friendly kinda way.
8 months ago I ended up in bed with a 42 year old women I have know through my running club for some years, (ok all you moralists judge me and exucute me!) this was not planned, it just happened. Within a few weeks we fell big time in love, its now coming to the point where iâm very seriously considering leaving my unhappy marriage and making a new life with âthe other womenâ, donât get me wrong iâm not going to walk away from my kids or my financial responsibilities but iâm just not happy at home anymore and when iâm with the other women I smile all the time.
I would dearly appreciate any advice you good people can offer
Do these sort of relationships usually last?
Is it to soon to consider leaving home?
How do I tell my wife?
What do I say to the kids?
Your relationship is continuing in a dull friendly kind of way. Have you tried to change it? Have you talked to your wife about being unhappy in your relationship. I'd have to say try and work things out with your wife before making any decisions of divorce, and you have to make an honest try at your marrage.
I'm going through a divorce where my wife was having an affair. I found out about it a week before she left. At the time of finding out about it we both decided to work through things and try and make our marrage work. Unfortunately she kept in contact with the person she was having the affair with and continued to build a relationship with him without giving a fair chance at our marrage.
So I say if you love your wife, and are willing to give it an honest try. Go for it and give it your all. :)
I really do not understand how you can say after a few weeks you fell madly in love. At your age, you should know that it takes more than a few weeks to fall in love. I think you are in lust. Maybe even a midlife crisis thing. You say you and your wife have been growing apart...Maybe you should do something to pull you back together. Let her know how you are feeling. Maybe she is just comfortable in the marriage and does not realize anything is wrong. Express yourself....Take some time for your marriage and put forth an effort to save it. You have been married too long to just throw it away for someone you think you are in love with. Just think of how many healthy lives are at risk here...Your wife's, your children's, and yours as well. You may find that life is not greener on the other side. I certainly hope you put as much energy into saving your marriage and family as you are into this affair. I do wish you and your family the best of luck.
Wow, sputnick, I cannot tell you how many posts i've read that are exactly like yours and as a 44 yr old male in the exact same situation, I can relate. It amazes me how many men are going through the same thing and so many people "label" us as going through a mid-life crisis.
I have been married 21 yrs also and have 3 kids 16, 14, 11. All great kids. My wife is an awesome mother. We have no intimacy and have not for nearly our entire marriage. Why did I stay so long everyone including her asks? I've always denied my needs and thought that was how it was supposed to be. I finally gave up trying. Emotionally i've been divorced for years. We are basically good friends and roomates at this point.
Well, (yeah here it comes) 7 months ago I met a great person and we hit it off (not a young bimbo). She has been trying to distance herself because she does not want to break up the marriage but we are good friends and have not even kissed. We do feel strongly about each other. I was not looking and just happened to connect with her. My wife found out a few weeks ago that we were talking and the ow and I have talked little since.
I have been struggling with trying to decide to leave. We have gone to counseling but because i've experienced so many years of rejection (cannot get out of her why), I feel like there is nothing left. I do not want to hurt the kids but feel I am only here because of them. My wife is also begging for another chance but can someone change who they are? Of course it took me saying I wanted to leave to make her want to change. I've been trying to tell her for years that I was not happy but I guess not clearly enough.
I have no idea if I leave if the ow will stil be "available" and she has not led me to believe she will be. I do not know what to do. I feel like I have no energy left to make the marriage work. Yet everyone thinks i've flipped my lid and am having a "mid-life crisis". Maybe I am but unless someone is willing to walk in my shoes they should not judge.
I'm going to see a counselor on my own to see if I can sort these feelings out.
"variety is the spice of life" so the saying goes and sex was probably the intended issue. When men begin having sex with a woman they fall in love or at least they think they are in love which in reality is lust disguised as love. If she is !**@! you she is !**@! other peope too. A woman once told me the initial paramour never works out and that is when you regret the choices you have made. Children are scarred for life without exception. Newfound vagina can cloud a man's judgment so proceed with caution. The bible says truth can set you free. If you are accused of infidelity by your wife I suggest you lie like a dog!
If you want to be happy it is not your choice if you go or not. You tell your wife and let her decide if she can ever trust your horny ass again. If you do not tell her guilt will consume you and you will never be happy, and you will look to other women and finally get caught. This option only prolongs the inevitable, as you wife will certainly and rightly drop you then with much anger and disgust.
Ok you guys I am 50 years of age and have been married to the same woman for 1/2 of that time finding myself celebate not by choice immediately after I said "i do". I thought she had become frigid and could not understand why. I was wrong so wake up and smell the coffee.
She is !**@! somebody but it is not you and I am sorry.
When you married, it was for better or worse. You all need counseling. Yeah, my husband thought the grass was greener on the other side 6 months ago......Now he is miserable. He left his family for that "greener side". Now things could never be the same. I know I became not so intimate with my husband....But I worked my butt off at home and at work for my family, and I was very tired at the end of the night. Now, I realize that you have to find quality time for your spouse. But he done me the same way. Anyway, you are married. People tend to forget their vows. Marriage can be tough. It's certainly not everything we picture its gonna be. But, when you leave your spouse for someone else, its just starting the same cycle over. The lust eventually fades, there becomes issues in this relationship as well. Consider working out the issues in your marriage that you have put so many years into, before starting all over with someone you think is gonna be the best thing that ever happened. And do consider your children's feelings.....Some people say dont stay just because of the kids. The children have feelings also. I know mine have been thru hell since their daddy left, even though he continues to be a part of their life. Everything changes for them. Its a big mess. Your wife is asking for another chance. The mother of your children. Get that ow off your mind. Put some energy into saving your family. For better or worse. Best of luck to you, your wife, and your children.