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Can't Stay Hard, Won't Get Treatment (Page 2)

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If you can't achieve an erection or control ejaculation, you might have Erectile Dysfunction. But what primary ED symptoms should you look for?...

September 1st, 2010
Suelyn - I am a psychotherapist and not a medical doctor. I am not aware of ED being a direct cause from any particular medication but nevertheless any medication which has a side effect that causes depression could result in ED. I am assuming that your husband quit when the ED medication stopped working for him. Has he seen a doctor to determine if he has any physical conditions. Another problem is that some men feel ashamed that they need the medication in the first place, others expect too much from the medication and give up when it does not live up to their expectation.
The reason that he is avoiding contact with you could be that he believes that you would normally expect it to lead on to sex that he believes can't perform. It could help if you could instigate the contact in situation where it can't lead to sex. This could help to make him realise that the tactile in itself is enjoyable and it does not have to lead to sex. IF he sees this, then hopefully he might start to believe that he can pleasure you without having sex. This would be a really good start.
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replied September 10th, 2010
Erectile dysfunction
hey everyone. I am having an issue with my husband not being able to get fully erect and also with him staying erect. We have been married for almost 7 years and for the first 2 years we had sex about twice a week. and then for the next 4 years we only had sex about twice a month but that was my fault. After I gave birth to my first child, sex caused me a lot of pain. About a year ago I had a hysterectomy and after that my sex drive increased tremendously. I wanted to have sex everyday and sometimes we would go 2 weeks straight having sex. Finally in the last year I had caught my husband talking to another female and he was hiding it and lying to me and on top of that he kept doing several more times after I caught him the first time and ever since then he has not been able to get fully erect and stay erect. It makes me feel like im not good enough anymore or he isnt aroused by me anymore and that hurts badly. I had heard from a friend that when a man starts having erectile issues then it means that he is probably hiding something from me and thats just the way his guilt is messing with him. Does anyone think I should be paranoid that maybe something more went on with this girl he was talking to than what he has told me. I would appreciate anybody that has any advise to give me. Thanks
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replied September 10th, 2010
Hi, and thanks for your medical question on eHealth forum!

Yes, erectile dysfunction can happen in a man if he does not want to have a relationship with a woman, is stressed out about something, is not comfortable with his partner or any such cause. It can also be due to the fact that he does not want sex everyday.

Generally if there is any problem in the normal physiology of erection it can result in failure of erection, weak erection or early loss of erection. Many causes are there of which diabetes and low testosterone are the most important. Hence these should be eliminated first along with varicoceles.

Medical conditions such as high blood pressure, poor circulation and peripheral vascular disease, heart or thyroid conditions, spinal cord injury, nerve damage (for example, from prostate surgery), or neurologic disorders (such as multiple sclerosis or Parkinson's disease) can all cause erection problems. Though these medical conditions may not be there in your husband’s case they need case they need to be ruled out one by one. Other than all this it could be injury to shaft of penis due to masturbation.

You need to talk to your husband, find out what is wrong and request him to consult a doctor instead of directly confronting him. Take care!
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replied September 10th, 2010
Hi Shandra
Your response contains a number of issues but I would like to suggest that you start by consulting your doctor. Because, you need to understand what has caused the increase in your sexual appetite. If this could be managed then it might help in your relationship, so that your husband does not feel that he is inadequate. Understanding this point would certainly help in going forward.
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replied September 18th, 2010
LOW TETESTERONE LEVEL
I know exactly how you feel about husband not being able to keep it up. my husbands' problem started 10 months ago and he has been to the doctor. he has a low tetesterone level and he has not tried to do anything about it. he gets upset at me because i am upset that we don't have sex anymore. i am really tired of it. he says that there is more to a marriage than sex. i know this. but i can remember when i wasn't in the mood when i first started having to take depression medicine for my hormonal imbalance. i felt bad for him so i asked my doctor to change my medicine. he isn't willing to do the same for me and it is because of his pride. he is too embarrassed to talk about it to the doctor. the doctor told him that there wasn't any need to get upset at me but he lets me know that i shouldn't get upset because he won't and can't get it up. what am i suppose to do? i have needs too. i have even stooped as low as looking at dirty videos just to get an orgasm. i have been thinking about the sex toys too and i feel soo ashamed of myself. i never thought that my husband would lose his sex drive and now i am just suppose to be happy about it. it really depresses me because i feel that my love life has ended before it should and i'm not suppose to ever get mad. pleas tell me what to do. we have had sex 4 times in 10 months and i am getting very upset at him. sometimes i really dislike him because if the shoe was on the other foot i would never make him do without. one thing the husband has up on us when it comes to sex is when we aren't in the mood they can still get their needs satisfied . when it comes to us though what are we going to do if it stays limp all the time. i don't mean to sound so mean but i have had enough of his being inconsiderate to my feelings and my needs.
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replied September 19th, 2010
Performance anxiety is the most common cause of losing or not getting an erection. It is the result of being in your head worrying about whether or not you will get hard or stay hard. Once you start to do that you get caught in a "fear of failure" cycle which keeps reinforcing itself. How to deal with this problem is explained in simple terms in a small inexpensive book on premature ejaculation.

There are a lot of high-priced programs advertised online but all you need is this inexpensive little book written by a doctor and sex therapist that has been used successfully for more than 32 years.

It is called "Lasting Longer: The Treatment Program for Premature Ejaculation" by Dr. Sy Silverberg M.D. For more information just google the author’s name: Dr. Sy Silverberg M.D.
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replied September 23rd, 2010
MMMM MMMM MMM!!!!!!!
First off I wanna say if u dont wanna cheat thats all good for you , but I have been married for 13 years to a older man who wont get checked for ed we have tried many things or should i say i tried he went along with it but nothing works. i am 20 yrs younger than him we have 3 kids and I cant take it anymore, im about to get a divorce because i have had 1 affair that he knows about, and not about to do it again, as far as the kids they will get over the divorce children are resiliant. if one person is unhappy in a relationship and the other wont take the initiative to help, then there is no marriage im not about to spend the rest of my life in torture cause HE wont seek help. same thing if i didnt give it to him but every Three or four months and layed there or said it hurt cause i was fridgid ... i wouldnt expect him to be happy either. Its not fair and not my fault, sometimes in life u make mistakes and i think i made one with this marriage God understands so im gettin out.Some of yall act like OMG dont ever cheat or youll be damned I mean men do it all the time. but if a woman does or leaves a marriage shame on her shes a scarlet, some women even stay when a man beats her or until he kills her I dont understand people thinking. if your unhappy leave the situation unless ur scared. GOD WILL UNDERSTAND AND BLESS U ESP IF U ASK FOR FORGIVENESS. your husband has the same duty to keep you fufilled just as you do him.Sure thats not all to the marriage but its the glue god made us so we enjoy sex and if you got that in your marriage then finances, kids and other stresses can be relieved when u and your hubby have that intimate time, but if you dont have that, then you really cant connect and it builds resentment and everything else is magnafied.you can be poor or whatever but if u and your partner have a healthy loving relationship you can get through being poor and happy together.Even if you argue its fun to make up,its worth goin out together, cause you know when you get home then its on. you cant force playin frisbee walkin through the park ect without a healthy sex life and why are we supposed force them to get a checkup ect, If someone who has a problem that they can resolve to make you happy then thats there responsibility.Its not like Cancer that they cant controle....This is a problem that can be dealt with.But Im warn out i have to be physically and emotionally there for my kids, and one day if a special someone comes in my life then so be it, if not oh well but I will be free and on my own and then i can put all my enrgy into my kids and job not sittin there thinkin what wrong. cause its one thing to be single and not gettin affection passion sex intimacy whatever , but to have a person right next to you in bed that wont get help thats livin in hell.........
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replied October 11th, 2011
The ugly truth
A lot of men, kinda take the attitude that viagra is a waste, a symptom of what is wrong with society. They looked down on the men who need Viagra and take it as less of a man. They took an attitude of if the equipment breaks then thats that, it is meant to be. Many of them convinced themselves it would never happen to them and if it did they would be man enough about it to just retire from sex. Then when it does happen to them they must face their own hypocrisy, and rather than admit to being a hypocrite they just hang it up. Or as one has told me, "its just not meant to be anymore" or "if God wanted me to still have sex I would be able to". Lost in all this is their wife, her needs are completely forgotten and a part of this is good old sexist attitude that women dont really like sex so deep down they are doing the wife a favor. And it doesnt matter how much their wife complains, he wont go see a doctor or take viagra. For the wife she must face the choice of accepting things or leave. This is the choice I had to face and chose to stay.
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replied October 19th, 2011
E.D nearly ended my marriage -my story
Hi, I am 59 and had suffered with e.d for a number of years, to the point that it very nearly caused my wife to leave me as it put a tremendous strain on our marriage, as we were very sexually active up until that point. As well as the the numbness that i was experiencing I also had very sensitive testicles. I visited the doctor and was given pills and creams, but this did not seem to actually help. The condition continued for a number of years and resulted in me becoming impotent as I was starting to get the numbing sensation from the tip of my penis and it started to make its way up. I was absolutely distraught and considered my lovelife to be over at one point. I tried many home remedies and was relieved that the swelling I was experiencing was finally beginning to subside, as it would flare up intermittently to the point it was too tender to attempt intercourse. This went on for quite a long time until my wife mentioned that a herbalist had advertised in our local free paper and I should give him a call. I considered this to be another road to nowhere but thought better of it as I had nothing to lose, everything to gain and I did owe it to my wife as I could tell that even though she was extremely supportive she did miss the intimacy that was so lacking from our relationship. I attended the appointment with the herbalist and the approach was totally different from that of my doctor, he asked me in depth questions about my diet, lifestyle, etc. for over an hour, luckily the initial consultation was free. He explained to me that as we get on in years, smoking, drinking and incompatible diet choices are often the cause of slowing down the circulation and therefore causes erections to be weak, or non exsistent due to the onset of erectile dysfunction. He showed me a diagram where the mechanics of the penis are explained. He analysed that the condition was caused by the lack of blood flow to the region and suggested I use a product called v-xs power which he had in capsule form. He said this product, which was a herbal preparation, would help to expand the veins and blood vessels to the penis as they often suffer from shrinkage and this is the main cause of erectile dysfunction. It made sense but I was still a tad dubious as he produced the packet. He advised me to take one capsule on the Tuesday and one on Friday and he scheduled an appointment for the following Monday. I can honestly say that everything he told me was true!! Within an hour of taking the first capsule I could feel the twitching in my penis as the blood flow started to increase, there was a warmth in the area that I had not felt in a long time, my penis was actually warm to the touch and felt totally different than it had felt prior to taking the capsule. The sensation was similar to water being flushed through a tube where previously it had not been allowed to travel through. I can honestly say that for the first time in over three years I was able to make love to my wife that night while sustaining a very firm erection. She commented on the difference immediately and said "how different I felt." The next morning I was still feeling rather "lively" and was able to make love again before we got out of bed, something I had not been able to accomplish for a number of years. By this time I was actually looking for to Friday so I could take the next capsule. All I can tell you is "we had a wonderful weekend," I would recommend this product (link removed- admin) to anyone who is suffering from any form of E.D, as potent herbal remedies are available that I for one can say have no negative side effects. If it can work for me it can work for anyone God Bless
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replied July 29th, 2013
pennis dont get hard
hubby say Im the problem his pennis dont get hard:(,,I want to know is that true am the problem?
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replied August 27th, 2013
Experienced User
Merly
You are not the problem. Erection is the husband's issue
unless you are not available for sex, but I do'nt think that is the issue here.. He needs be checked out for this problem..
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replied July 29th, 2013
hubby say Im the problem his pennis dont get hard:(,,
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replied July 31st, 2013
Ego, acting out, ED, and then there's reality
My husband was horribly embarrased when he developed ED after a UTI. He wouldn't go to the doctor about it for the longest time and wouldn't talk to me about it much either. We went from having a great relationship to one where he isolated himself, ignored me, and eventually stopped coming to bed until 3 or 4 am..

10 year later, he started an emotional affair online, said he hated me, and even had 1 trip to a massage parlor that I know about. Come to find out he had developed a severe porn addiction (20 hours a week!). ALL of this came out of his inability to trust that I loved him and quite frankly I didn't give a damn if it didn't work like it did when he was 20 but I did most certainly still need HIM. I told him to pick himself up, get out of the corner you've hidden yourself in, grow up, and let's handle this like adults! I was an inch from leaving him over his avoidance behavior!!
Well he pulled it together, went to the doc for viagra (which worked great), we experimented with toys for me and other sexual practices (fingers, etc.). I love him dearly and I am SO glad that he finally got over his pride to realize that yes, this is a problem but it is not insurmountable.
I got really tired of no affection because he was afraid sex might happen.

Affection and sex CAN be separated!! Hugs, touches, brushing past each other lovingly in the kitchen, caresses, massages, snuggling on the couch... it's all back. His depression has lifted now. He's happier everyday and so am I. I didn't cause his ED but he was certainly angry (eventually). He was frustrated. But at some point you just have to let that anger go and realize that this is the hand you've been dealt. It can be OK. It will be different than when you are young but it can still be a fulfilling relationship. I mean honestly, if I had breast cancer, should I ignore that? Not go to the doc? Never have sex again or relations at all? I think not!
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