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Can't Stay Hard, Won't Get Treatment (Page 1)

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My question :?: is.... What am I suppose to think. Dh is 36 and has had problems with depression for many yrs and has taken antidepressants for yrs. Is also an ex drunk and druggy.
Been with dh for 6 yrs and at first he couldn't get enough sex and i've always been that way. Then he started having erectile funtion problems, but doctor can't figure out what's wrong with him, but gave him viagra. He's scared to take much of anything and because of all the bad stuff, refuses to take it.
Most everytime he does get hard, it falls within mins. Now he doesn't even bother and it makes me feel bad about myself and unwanted. We've had toys in the bedroom for yrs to help and now it's just getting worse. Everyone says, use the toys and forget him..... Well it's not the same !!!
I refuse to cheat, because I love him way too much to even think about doing that and i'm dedicated to this marriage.
Is there anything that I can do, or that he can do? Is there anything I can say to get him to tell our (female) doctor? Heck she's seen all he has as much as I have, is he just to shy to tell her that the dam thing doesn't work? :!: :evil: :cry: :? :shock:
it makes me wonder what I have to look forward to later on in our 40's....
Any advice would be helpful.
Thanks
p.S. New to the board also.
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First Helper truckstophero
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replied August 16th, 2005
Experienced User
I refuse to cheat, because I love him way too much to even think about doing that and i'm dedicated to this marriage.

-man I didnt think people like you existed anymore in this sick world. Kudos to anyone who wants to fight on rather than cheat.
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replied August 18th, 2005
Thanks...After being cheated on by the ex's... I know how it feels.
He's a 1 of a kind husband too, that's why... It's called love and respect for each other.. Something that this world knows little about these days....
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replied August 18th, 2005
Experienced User
Yeah, respect to ya for not cheating. You don't get married to have sex. It's a nice added bonus but if you can't just get over it every now and again then you're married for the wrong reasons. Have you tried foreplay and such? Mine likes that. I have to work at it sometimes, but it usually only takes about 5 minutes. I'm not a big fan of toys, i've never used them but really don't intend to either so I wouldn't know any good unique ones to use. Maybe just a full body massage, or a shower together or something would spice it up a little...
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replied August 18th, 2005
Yes, we've tried forplay, everytime. Tried different positions, also. We have drawers full of toys for him and myself. The problem is he won't even try anymore, I guess because he can't "stay up".
No we didn't marry for sex, but that's a part of it. We went from 12 days straight to 3-4 times a week, to 1-2 times a week, to now 1-2 (if i'm lucky) a month !!!
I've always been very high strung when it came to sex, but keep making myself want it less and less, till now it's almost non exsistant.
I wonder if there's an erbal remedy that could possibly help. He said he would take some natural, but nothing that could kill him.
Anyone got any ideas??
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replied September 4th, 2008
My husband has ed and refuses to get help for his problem
We married almost eighteen years ago and always had a healthy sex life for the first ten years. Then it started slowing down. I took this to be somewhat normal as we were both busy with our careers and the kids. But then it went from twice a month to twice every other month to twice a year to nothing. It has now been five and a half years since my husband has touched me. Problem is there isn't much intimacy or closeness outside the bedroom either. I refuse to cheat because I love him dearly and I keep hoping that he will give up this phobia of going to the doctor and get help. Am I being foolish for hanging on or is there still hope for me? He swears he loves me but I really don't feel it right now. I've never been one to believe in affairs so that is completely out of the question. He keeps saying that he is going to go to the doctor but it still hasn't happened. Does anyone have any advice?
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replied September 6th, 2008
tiphat Wow, that is cool 18 years, congrads, I have been with my wife 21 years with 3 kids oldest 21 and she has had to deal with some of the same issues that you are having. Sorta, i'm not really a druggy and I do smoke ciggs plus depression is in the family genes.
So with that being said here is what you might try.
First get rid of the toys. What I mean is leave them out of the picture. Toys can sometimes make a guy fell like he is in competition. One that he knows or thinks he will loose.
Then also keep in mind that even if your not thinking of daily stress while having sex, it can still cause a sex issue. The brain is weird.
Get out and have quality time with each other, go play frisbee or just walking around can help.
I know how it is to fell like he does, it sucks and he might think it's his fault and it's not. He is not the only one and just knowing that can help. Good luck.
Chow -
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Users who thank alaskawilliams for this post: lilagain 

replied September 11th, 2008
Thanks
Thank you for your input. First of all, I haven't introduced any toys in the bedroom for fear of hurting his feelings. Although he hasn't considered mine through this whole ordeal. I'm not sure what the problem is because he doesn't talk alot. I know he is very insecure about everything so I don't push the issue but I must say it gets more and more frustrating as time goes by. It's hard to think of stress while having sex when there hasn't been any sex for five and a half years..... But I am still hanging in there because I do still love him and I don't believe in affairs and until such time as I am ready to call it quits then I'll just keep hoping things will get better and he'll get his issues fixed and things will go back to the way they use to be. Thanks for your response, it was great to get a mans point of view for a change.
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replied February 6th, 2009
he cant or wont have sex with unless he drunk
my husband and me have been together for 28 yrs he is 42 and i am 41 sex was good until a 1 yr ago he started drinking a lot first he drunk to have fun but now he tells me he drinks to have sex with me the other nite we was talking bout it and yes he was drunk told me he cant get hard anymore but thats a lie he can get off with porn... i asked him to be sober when we have sex he flat out said NO even told me he can get hard looking at other women wlking down the road and at work is there somthing wrong with me or is there some thing he is not telling me
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replied February 12th, 2009
he cant or wont have sex
I truly do feel your pain. Although my problem is quite the opposite. My husband can't get hard no matter what. We have only had sex twice in the last six years. He has ed and refuses to see a doctor for his problem. I don't understand why your husband would only have sex with you only being drunk, it sounds to me like he has issues. How long have you been married and are there other problems going on that you didn't mention that we might could talk about? There may be underlying problems going on with him that could be causing him to drink. Either way, I would still be concerned about this being the only way he would have sex and him being unwilling to even discuss being intimate without drinking at all. I hope this helps and I hope you get some answers from him soon. GOOD LUCK.
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replied May 8th, 2009
They do still exist
They do still exist, i just stared dating a guy and well when we first met the sex was phenomenal three-6 times in 4 hours but the last 7 times we have tried he goes limp the minute he tries to put it inside me. I also refuse to cheat because i love him so much but at the same time no matter how hard i try to not think its me i cannot help it, i immediately get quiet and he knows im upset, he thinks im mad but in reality im sad because i think that im too fat and ugly for him. So on Monday we are going as a couple to my family doctor to get help.
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replied August 11th, 2010
My husband had 2 operations last year. A TURP in September & a Hernia Repair in October. Nothing whatsoever was even attempted until all was A-OKed by the doctor & himself,which was in January. Nothing then...and nothing now. Just before his hernia operation was preformed, he was told about lack of circulation. The other night he told me that he didn't know what was wrong with him. Is he serious? He flatly refuses to see anybody. As far as our sex life is concerned...there isn't any.
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replied August 13th, 2010
my physiotherapist advices me to use magneto-therapy for curing this problem. and I do 1-2 sessions every day with this apparatus - and it becomes better and better every one day.
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replied August 19th, 2010
You want a solution to your problem? I have it for you.


Honestly, people always wonder about erectile dysfunction and it mainly comes down to 2 things...and that is medications you are taking and an imbalance of hormones. Yes, there could be other things, anxiety, RARELY (Especially at your age) cancer or some illness ETC...Is he taking any medications such as propecia? If it's not medications, I would assume it's a hormonal thing. Get his testosterone levels checked and make sure they are at normal levels...My guess is that since you guys are young it's definitely an imbalance of hormones. Now this could show up in testing or not...But if it doesn't, either way I have a definite solution for him and you. It's steroids. Yes, anabolic steroids. I hope you are not one of the people who are biased toward the drug because it is absolutely a great drug when taken safely and properly. You see testosterone is what makes us more manly and what drives our sexual functions. When you add more testosterone you kind of become super man in more ways then one and your sex drive is almost uncontrolable. I can tell you I have taken steroids many times in my life and my sex drive is out of this world every time. I promise you this should fix the problem. If he does not get super jacked up horny I would be VERY VERY surprised. Testosterone is higher in a male body and when more is added it's the body natural structure to feel even more horny because testosterone is what causes our sex drive. It also worked for my dad who is 62. I told him to try to get a testosterone script because at his age that is very easy to do. It solved all his problems. Stopped taking viagra and said he feels like he is 25 again. The best part about it was that he said it was a natural feeling. As in, he CRAVED sex...It wasn't JUST A PILL that made him hard. Also, you look better, feel better, and the increase of testosterone also creates an over all sense of all being. Let me know if you have any more questions and I'll try to help you out as best as possible.
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replied August 19th, 2010
Have you considered any natural supplements, i.e. herbal, vitamin, and mineral? I recommend Horny Goat Weed, L-Arginine, Tribulus Terrestris, Zinc, Magnesium, and vitamin B6. Here is how they work...

L-Arginine: Increases nitric oxide production, which relaxes smooth muscle surrounding blood vessels, and increases blood flow to the penis. Arginine is a non-essential amino acid. It is called "non-essential" because the body can produce it, but you may benefit from supplementing more than your body can make on its own.

Horny Goat Weed: Inhibits the PDE5 enzyme (which destroys nitric oxide). Similar result to L-Arginine. Viagra also inhibits the PDE5. The result is more nitric oxide in the body.

Tribulus: Increases leutenizing Hormone (LH), which is the hormone that is responsible for telling your body to produce testosterone. Animal studies have shown up to a 50% increase in free testosterone levels as a result of regular tribulus supplementation.

Zinc & Madnesium: Zinc and Magnesium deficiencies have been associated with low levels of testosterone. Supplementation has been shown to increase levels back to normal. Additionally, Zinc is present is many other chemical processes in the body, so it is very important to make sure that you zinc intake is sufficient. Zinc is absorbed best when taken with vitamin B6.

You can get all of the aforementioned supplements in a combination supplement called Spartan Blend- I recommend it because they actually put the real ingredients in their product. Their nutrition label on on their website. If you shop for any herbal/natural products, beware proprietary blends on nutrition labels. A "Proprietary Blend" means that a manufacturer is unwilling to claim how much of each ingredient (if any) is in their product. They usually claim that this is to prevent anybody from stealing their recipe, but its usually because their capsules are full of rice flour.
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replied August 23rd, 2010
Experienced User
well usually we suffer from it because we stressed out. that's the bottomline. the right condition and state of mind could really help us in sensual lovemaking. the focus and communication is really important for both couples
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replied August 31st, 2010
Jaydubois the herbal suppls. sound intesting but where do you find them? We use zinc & magnesium already but I've never seen the Horny Goat Weed, L-Arginine, Tribulus Terrestris. Same with the Spartan Blend.

Hubby of 36 yrs has had ED for several years. Tried the various drugs with varying success possibly due to being diabetic.

Would just like to be held again.
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replied August 31st, 2010
Herbal Supplements / ED / Diabetes
Jaydubois the herbal suppls. sound intesting but where do you find them? We use zinc & magnesium already but I've never seen the Horny Goat Weed, L-Arginine, Tribulus Terrestris. Same with the Spartan Blend.

Hubby of 36 yrs has had ED for several years. Tried the various drugs with varying success possibly due to being diabetic. Would these supplementsdo anygood with the diabetes?

Would just like to be held again.
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replied September 1st, 2010
I have been helping men with ED and I feel that there is some confusion here. In some cases, there is a physical cause e.g. high blood pressure. In other cases, it is psychological cause e.g. depression or even the lack of stimulation from the partner. After a while it will inevitably become both. So that someone who had a problem with high blood pressure has lost interest in sex and develops psychological issues. And the person with psychological problems now believes that he has a physical problem.

It is a big help that the female partners are involved because I have found that they can be part of the solution. In some of my patient, the key has been for the female partner to encourage physical contact but enjoying the intimacy and not showing any need for intercourse. I usually encourage the men to keep focussing on intercourse as their goal. I ask them to spend time with their partner trying to stimulate her but not ask her to stimulate them back. So that when they are eventually start to get aroused, there is only one act they are aiming for - intercourse. Even if the erection only allows them enterance - they have to feel that each step is a step to eventual normality. Most of my succesful patients still use medication like Viagra but they are still a long way from where they were before.
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replied September 1st, 2010
To ED Support--
You've given some encouraging information/suggestions.

How do you (doctor) determine if the problem is from medication? Is ED actually listed as a side effect?

My husband's tried the ED drugs, they worked for a while then quit. He tells me since he knows it won't work why try and get frustrated?

His solution has been to avoid touching me in a romantic manner. If I instigate sometimes it's ok, other times I'm firmly told to stop the nonsense and leave him alone.

Anymore suggestions?
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