Can't Stay Hard, Won't Get Treatment Posted: 08-16-05 15:07pm
My question :?: is.... What am I suppose
to think. Dh is 36 and has had problems
with depression for many yrs and has taken
antidepressants for yrs. Is also an ex
drunk and druggy.
Been with dh for 6 yrs and at first he
couldn't get enough sex and i've always
been that way. Then he started having
erectile funtion problems, but doctor
can't figure out what's wrong with him,
but gave him viagra. He's scared to take
much of anything and because of all the
bad stuff, refuses to take it.
Most everytime he does get hard, it falls
within mins. Now he doesn't even bother
and it makes me feel bad about myself and
unwanted. We've had toys in the bedroom
for yrs to help and now it's just getting
worse. Everyone says, use the toys and
forget him..... Well it's not the same
!!!
I refuse to cheat, because I love him way
too much to even think about doing that
and i'm dedicated to this marriage.
Is there anything that I can do, or that
he can do? Is there anything I can say to
get him to tell our (female) doctor? Heck
she's seen all he has as much as I have,
is he just to shy to tell her that the dam
thing doesn't work? :!: :evil: :cry:
:? :shock:
it makes me wonder what I have to look
forward to later on in our 40's....
Any advice would be helpful.
Thanks
p.S. New to the board also.
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truckstophero
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Jul 2005 Posts: 84 Location: alabama
Posted: 08-16-05 20:22pm
I refuse to cheat, because I love him way
too much to even think about doing that
and i'm dedicated to this marriage.
-man I didnt think people like you existed
anymore in this sick world. Kudos to
anyone who wants to fight on rather than
cheat.
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ppmharley
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Aug 2005 Posts: 29 Location: usa
Posted: 08-18-05 01:52am
Thanks...After being cheated on by the
ex's... I know how it feels.
He's a 1 of a kind husband too, that's
why... It's called love and respect for
each other.. Something that this world
knows little about these days....
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SaraAnne
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Aug 2005 Posts: 59 Location: Alabama
Posted: 08-18-05 10:36am
Yeah, respect to ya for not cheating. You
don't get married to have sex. It's a
nice added bonus but if you can't just get
over it every now and again then you're
married for the wrong reasons. Have you
tried foreplay and such? Mine likes that.
I have to work at it sometimes, but it
usually only takes about 5 minutes. I'm
not a big fan of toys, i've never used
them but really don't intend to either so
I wouldn't know any good unique ones to
use. Maybe just a full body massage, or a
shower together or something would spice
it up a little...
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ppmharley
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Aug 2005 Posts: 29 Location: usa
Posted: 08-18-05 14:00pm
Yes, we've tried forplay, everytime.
Tried different positions, also. We have
drawers full of toys for him and myself.
The problem is he won't even try anymore,
I guess because he can't "stay up".
No we didn't marry for sex, but that's a
part of it. We went from 12 days straight
to 3-4 times a week, to 1-2 times a week,
to now 1-2 (if i'm lucky) a month !!!
I've always been very high strung when it
came to sex, but keep making myself want
it less and less, till now it's almost non
exsistant.
I wonder if there's an erbal remedy that
could possibly help. He said he would
take some natural, but nothing that could
kill him.
Anyone got any ideas??
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lilagain
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Sep 2008 Posts: 5 Location: Theodore, AL United States
Thanks: 0
Thanked:1
My husband has ed and refuses to get help for his problem Posted: 09-04-08 20:44pm
We married almost eighteen years ago and
always had a healthy sex life for the
first ten years. Then it started slowing
down. I took this to be somewhat normal
as we were both busy with our careers and
the kids. But then it went from twice a
month to twice every other month to twice
a year to nothing. It has now been five
and a half years since my husband has
touched me. Problem is there isn't much
intimacy or closeness outside the bedroom
either. I refuse to cheat because I love
him dearly and I keep hoping that he will
give up this phobia of going to the doctor
and get help. Am I being foolish for
hanging on or is there still hope for me?
He swears he loves me but I really don't
feel it right now. I've never been one to
believe in affairs so that is completely
out of the question. He keeps saying that
he is going to go to the doctor but it
still hasn't happened. Does anyone have
any advice?
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alaskawilliams
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 05 Sep 2008 Posts: 37 Location: Alaska,
Thanks: 3
Thanked:0
Posted: 09-06-08 01:39am
Wow, that is cool
18 years, congrads, I have been with my
wife 21 years with 3 kids oldest 21 and
she has had to deal with some of the same
issues that you are having. Sorta, i'm not
really a druggy and I do smoke ciggs plus
depression is in the family genes.
So with that being said here is what you
might try.
First get rid of the toys. What I mean is
leave them out of the picture. Toys can
sometimes make a guy fell like he is in
competition. One that he knows or thinks
he will loose.
Then also keep in mind that even if your
not thinking of daily stress while having
sex, it can still cause a sex issue. The
brain is weird.
Get out and have quality time with each
other, go play frisbee or just walking
around can help.
I know how it is to fell like he does, it
sucks and he might think it's his fault
and it's not. He is not the only one and
just knowing that can help. Good luck.
Chow -
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Users who thank alaskawilliams for this post:
lilagain
lilagain
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Sep 2008 Posts: 5 Location: Theodore, AL United States
Thanks: 0
Thanked:1
Thanks Posted: 09-11-08 21:43pm
Thank you for your input. First of all, I
haven't introduced any toys in the bedroom
for fear of hurting his feelings.
Although he hasn't considered mine through
this whole ordeal. I'm not sure what the
problem is because he doesn't talk alot.
I know he is very insecure about
everything so I don't push the issue but
I must say it gets more and more
frustrating as time goes by. It's hard to
think of stress while having sex when
there hasn't been any sex for five and a
half years..... But I am still hanging in
there because I do still love him and I
don't believe in affairs and until such
time as I am ready to call it quits then
I'll just keep hoping things will get
better and he'll get his issues fixed and
things will go back to the way they use to
be. Thanks for your response, it was
great to get a mans point of view for a
change.
Wow, that is cool
18 years, congrads, I have been with my
wife 21 years with 3 kids oldest 21 and
she has had to deal with some of the same
issues that you are having. Sorta, i'm not
really a druggy and I do smoke ciggs plus
depression is in the family genes.
