Erectile Dysfunction Forum - Can't Stay Hard, Won't Get Treatment

Mens Health > Erectile Dysfunction Forum > Can't Stay Hard, Won't Get Treatment

Q: Can't Stay Hard, Won't Get Treatment

asked by: ppmharley on August 16th, 2005

New User

My question :?: is.... What am I suppose to think. Dh is 36 and has had problems with depression for many yrs and has taken antidepressants for yrs. Is also an ex drunk and druggy.
Been with dh for 6 yrs and at first he couldn't get enough sex and i've always been that way. Then he started having erectile funtion problems, but doctor can't figure out what's wrong with him, but gave him viagra. He's scared to take much of anything and because of all the bad stuff, refuses to take it.
Most everytime he does get hard, it falls within mins. Now he doesn't even bother and it makes me feel bad about myself and unwanted. We've had toys in the bedroom for yrs to help and now it's just getting worse. Everyone says, use the toys and forget him..... Well it's not the same !!!
I refuse to cheat, because I love him way too much to even think about doing that and i'm dedicated to this marriage.
Is there anything that I can do, or that he can do? Is there anything I can say to get him to tell our (female) doctor? Heck she's seen all he has as much as I have, is he just to shy to tell her that the dam thing doesn't work? :!: :evil: :cry: :? :shock:
it makes me wonder what I have to look forward to later on in our 40's....
Any advice would be helpful.
Thanks
p.S. New to the board also.

Replies(10)

truckstophero

replied on August 16th, 2005

Experienced User

I refuse to cheat, because I love him way too much to even think about doing that and i'm dedicated to this marriage.

-man I didnt think people like you existed anymore in this sick world. Kudos to anyone who wants to fight on rather than cheat.

ppmharley

replied on August 18th, 2005

New User

Thanks...After being cheated on by the ex's... I know how it feels.
He's a 1 of a kind husband too, that's why... It's called love and respect for each other.. Something that this world knows little about these days....

SaraAnne

replied on August 18th, 2005

Experienced User

Yeah, respect to ya for not cheating. You don't get married to have sex. It's a nice added bonus but if you can't just get over it every now and again then you're married for the wrong reasons. Have you tried foreplay and such? Mine likes that. I have to work at it sometimes, but it usually only takes about 5 minutes. I'm not a big fan of toys, i've never used them but really don't intend to either so I wouldn't know any good unique ones to use. Maybe just a full body massage, or a shower together or something would spice it up a little...

ppmharley

replied on August 18th, 2005

New User

Yes, we've tried forplay, everytime. Tried different positions, also. We have drawers full of toys for him and myself. The problem is he won't even try anymore, I guess because he can't "stay up".
No we didn't marry for sex, but that's a part of it. We went from 12 days straight to 3-4 times a week, to 1-2 times a week, to now 1-2 (if i'm lucky) a month !!!
I've always been very high strung when it came to sex, but keep making myself want it less and less, till now it's almost non exsistant.
I wonder if there's an erbal remedy that could possibly help. He said he would take some natural, but nothing that could kill him.
Anyone got any ideas??

lilagain

replied on September 4th, 2008

New User

My husband has ed and refuses to get help for his problem

We married almost eighteen years ago and always had a healthy sex life for the first ten years. Then it started slowing down. I took this to be somewhat normal as we were both busy with our careers and the kids. But then it went from twice a month to twice every other month to twice a year to nothing. It has now been five and a half years since my husband has touched me. Problem is there isn't much intimacy or closeness outside the bedroom either. I refuse to cheat because I love him dearly and I keep hoping that he will give up this phobia of going to the doctor and get help. Am I being foolish for hanging on or is there still hope for me? He swears he loves me but I really don't feel it right now. I've never been one to believe in affairs so that is completely out of the question. He keeps saying that he is going to go to the doctor but it still hasn't happened. Does anyone have any advice?

alaskawilliams

replied on September 6th, 2008

New User

Wow, that is cool 18 years, congrads, I have been with my wife 21 years with 3 kids oldest 21 and she has had to deal with some of the same issues that you are having. Sorta, i'm not really a druggy and I do smoke ciggs plus depression is in the family genes.
So with that being said here is what you might try.
First get rid of the toys. What I mean is leave them out of the picture. Toys can sometimes make a guy fell like he is in competition. One that he knows or thinks he will loose.
Then also keep in mind that even if your not thinking of daily stress while having sex, it can still cause a sex issue. The brain is weird.
Get out and have quality time with each other, go play frisbee or just walking around can help.
I know how it is to fell like he does, it sucks and he might think it's his fault and it's not. He is not the only one and just knowing that can help. Good luck.
Chow -

Users who thank alaskawilliams for this post: lilagain

lilagain

replied on September 11th, 2008

New User

Thanks

Thank you for your input. First of all, I haven't introduced any toys in the bedroom for fear of hurting his feelings. Although he hasn't considered mine through this whole ordeal. I'm not sure what the problem is because he doesn't talk alot. I know he is very insecure about everything so I don't push the issue but I must say it gets more and more frustrating as time goes by. It's hard to think of stress while having sex when there hasn't been any sex for five and a half years..... But I am still hanging in there because I do still love him and I don't believe in affairs and until such time as I am ready to call it quits then I'll just keep hoping things will get better and he'll get his issues fixed and things will go back to the way they use to be. Thanks for your response, it was great to get a mans point of view for a change.

uplate2am

replied on February 6th, 2009

New User

he cant or wont have sex with unless he drunk

my husband and me have been together for 28 yrs he is 42 and i am 41 sex was good until a 1 yr ago he started drinking a lot first he drunk to have fun but now he tells me he drinks to have sex with me the other nite we was talking bout it and yes he was drunk told me he cant get hard anymore but thats a lie he can get off with porn... i asked him to be sober when we have sex he flat out said NO even told me he can get hard looking at other women wlking down the road and at work is there somthing wrong with me or is there some thing he is not telling me

lilagain

replied on February 12th, 2009

New User

he cant or wont have sex

I truly do feel your pain. Although my problem is quite the opposite. My husband can't get hard no matter what. We have only had sex twice in the last six years. He has ed and refuses to see a doctor for his problem. I don't understand why your husband would only have sex with you only being drunk, it sounds to me like he has issues. How long have you been married and are there other problems going on that you didn't mention that we might could talk about? There may be underlying problems going on with him that could be causing him to drink. Either way, I would still be concerned about this being the only way he would have sex and him being unwilling to even discuss being intimate without drinking at all. I hope this helps and I hope you get some answers from him soon. GOOD LUCK.

dreamguardian1

replied on May 8th, 2009

New User

They do still exist

They do still exist, i just stared dating a guy and well when we first met the sex was phenomenal three-6 times in 4 hours but the last 7 times we have tried he goes limp the minute he tries to put it inside me. I also refuse to cheat because i love him so much but at the same time no matter how hard i try to not think its me i cannot help it, i immediately get quiet and he knows im upset, he thinks im mad but in reality im sad because i think that im too fat and ugly for him. So on Monday we are going as a couple to my family doctor to get help.

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