When I met him 4 years ago, I knew that he is the one, and that he is the love of my life.. But then I knew that he is totally in love with her.. And that there is no chance to have mutual feelings with me..

She wasn’t sure about her feelings toward him.. They were going to be engaged, but she changed her mind in the last minute.
He then tried to date me seriously, he even asked me to marry him, but he ran away at the end because of a silly reason.. But my gut told me that the real reason is that he couldn’t move on and still have feelings for her..

I still madly in love with him.. But I keep that for myself.. He told me many many times that I am among the top ten of his best friends.. And we call each other almost everyday..

Yesterday, he called me.. We talked for about 6 hours! He talked about some general matters.. Then… then… he started to cry on the phone.. He started to remember all the bad events that happened in his life.. Then he said that he can’t find anyone who can understand him better than me, he believes that I am the best listener he ever met.. But he said also that he has a huge burdon that he can’t bear it anymore and he needs to talk about it to me and it will hurt me to know it..

I told him I can never be upset from him, and he can talk to me in any subject..
He was crying a lot.. It was the 1st time in these 4 years I hear him crying.. I know him that he is very tough and strong.. I was very depressed for him..

He said that he still love that girl madly, and that she is everything for him.. He tried so many ways for 5 years to let her know him and love him.. But she could never made her mind.. Many times she got very close to him.. And when things got serious, she ran away and left him with broken heart.. Then, he started to move on, but she then got back to him which made him forgive her and try to start together again.. But this vicious circle repeated itself for 5 years..

He told me she didn’t treat him like he did to her.. I know her a bit since we three work in the same field.. And I know that he was very caring and supportive to her when she lost her job, and due to his efforts she got back her job, but she was never thankful..
I told him that she is the type that can never made a decision.. He agreed because when they dated they went every date to about 5 restaurants before she decides which one is the best for her!!
I told him marriage is a huge responsibility and if she cant decide which restaurant is the best for your date, then how she can decide about him or about family issues in future? He was shocked and like somebody has awaken him from a deep sleep.. He said that I am totally true and he was blind about her to think about that.. He said that he can’t accept such life and he has to move on and will change his phone number..

Anyway, I was crying bloods in my heart when he was telling me all that.. But I didn’t show it and I was ready to try to convince her about him if that will make him happy.. I will always support him because he also always supports me..

He says that I also have to move on and find someone else because he doesn’t want me to experience the same scenario he had.. I asked him to hold on and I went and cried in another room for a minute.. And then I get back and behave like nothing happen to me..

Then he didn’t stop apologizing that he is very mean to tell me that, even though he knows how much I love him.. But he has no option and no one will understand his feelings like I do.. I believe him and not mad at him at all.. I am happy that he trusts me.. But also my heart is bleeding from pain.. I feel so lonely.. And I laugh painfully from this irony: the love of my life comes to me to help and support him through his breaking up with the love of his life who is not me.. :(

fyi: we are, me and him, 25 year-old..

Sorry for this very long post, but I wanted to share that with you all.. I can’t talk about it to anyone.. And thank you all for your patience and time.. ^-^