Single and Struggling Forum - Constantly Single! Never Dating.

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Q: Constantly Single! Never Dating.

asked by: bonezuk on August 8th, 2005

New User

I’m 31 years old and apart from the odd fling never had a girlfriend or a relationship in my entire life. Maybe I never quite looked fanciable enough for any girls, or never acquired the right flirting skills or gave off the wrong body language signal or said the wrong things. I definitely think that my biggest let down has been to constantly be put into the “nice guy” category - a sure fire death sentence on any prospect of coming across as sexually attractive.

So what you may ask is my problem? Well lets go through the list of the blooming obvious.

Q. Do I live with my parents?
A. No. Not for a very long time.

Q. Do I have steady job?
A. Yes. Actually a very good job at that.

Q. Do I have any previous emotional attachments or hang-ups?
A. Oh j. Take a wild guess at this one. I short – no.

Q. Am I short and fat?
A. Not really. Over 6’ tall and good physical shape.

Q. Do I have 2 left feet?
A. No. I can take the dance floor anytime I want.

Q. Am I a bit thick?
A. Only if einstein was a bit of thickie.

Q. Do I look or smell bad?
A. I take a shower and shave every morning and put on clean smart cloths.

I suppose one reason for being single is because I became a software engineer. From my experience the usual response I face when I say what I do for a living is one of disgust and rejection. But even when I studied for and practiced medicine I was far from drawing the crowds, or even a single girl in that case.

I could rant on and on about is it this or that being the problem but after long years of constant neglect and rejection the only real truth that I can arrive at is that I am obviously not good enough for any girl.

Replies(7)

Flexx

replied on August 12th, 2005

New User

I very well could be a mirror image of you in 5yrs. Im just like you, except a little bit younger. One thing i've noticed is that the guys who seem to do well with women seem to be smooth talkers. They really know how to smooze over any woman. So if you dont have a silver tongue, then you're automatically gonna have a hard time. Then on top of that there are some girls that wont even give you a chance if you dont have model looks.

Atropos

replied on August 16th, 2005

New User

If you've got all the smarts and you're in good shape and all that, I can't imagine why women don't like you. Maybe you scare them off. Sounds likely. How often do you ask girls out or for their numbers and get rejected? Maybe you're the one making the problem - if you only go for girls that, as flexx puts it, have model looks. Maybe your standards are too high.

In any case, to assume that the reason you have no steady relationships is because you're "not good enough" is bs. Well, then again, maybe you're just not "good" at keeping them going. Did your 'flings' end badly? Start badly, even?

By the way, I think software engineering is much more attractive than many other jobs, if occupations can be attractive.

Toiles

replied on August 17th, 2005

Experienced User

Just go out to clubs and start talking to people more. I always used to talk to girls before I got a girlfriend. There are girls out there that like you, just keep your eyes opened.

rainfalls

replied on August 24th, 2005

New User

Too Hard On Yourself!

Well honeslty there is some sick thing out there with alot of gals where they like the bad boy and bad boy look. Or the real nice guy gets caca on by the bad girl.
I have seen from my own personal expereince, that the older you get, the less true this is as women want a stable, nice guy.
You sound great, so what is the problem? Hard tosay based on that info alone, but not to be mean but there must be something you are doing a little wrong? You are only human and we all do.
I havent dated for a while but on purpse, this would be a nice girls who went out with the oh my god he is so hot guy who was an well not a nice guy. So now I am in school for pharmacy and concentrating on that.
I really do not know what to tell you except it sucks and there is always a way to change yourself if you want to, jsut do not become a jerk or not be who you are, if that makes nay sense. I know they has this topic on a talk show once, and this guy a nice guy wrote a book for nice guys with little hints in it on how to get a date, girlfriend etc... By using some of these techniques, but yet not being an , well yeah!
I havent been married either and I am 36, and I really dont care that I havent been or what others think.

snowygirl

replied on November 8th, 2005

Active User, very eHealthy

Hi I Think U Can Try Dating Service

I think u shouldnt meet girls at clubs, I think its hard to meet good girls there. My friend tried dating service and it work out for her and now she has a bf. I think u should try it out. Hope u find gf soon =)

dudechillin45

replied on November 15th, 2009

New User

Why do you need a women? Is it because you're 31 and society says you should have one by now? I'm a 24 year old virgin, who has never had a girl friend, and doesn't date and feels outstanding that im in a class of my own. Mean while i hear guys talking about how they slept with some dudes girlfriend or wife, or my girl cheated on me...etc. As for standards why would you wanna lower your standards for that? You need high standards it means you "care about yourself", why should you have any less than what you are "successful: financialy, health..etc." Not having atleast those standards will equal the example I gave earlier with jody having your girl while you're on a business trip. You are still young trust me you don't want girls who go after bad boys, for example: Hulk hogans ex wife. there are alot of women who are not raised to be like this, You just have to find it. Save your self the trouble, do not be a statistic, and be patient. First write down assets that you want in a girl which means you need to know yourself "goals, morals, sticky theories..etc" Secondly, search and search until you find it which means date! You can't find what you dont, search for. And lastly realise the truth about most "Barbie doll" American women which is they are not worth your time, they have been raised to hate men, they think most men are dogs, and wife beaters / gangsters,. so they're learning to play the game back which is unfair to guys like you and me. And please whatever you do don't think a stupid club is were dto find a girl. They goto clubs to get free drinks and money from stupid suckers who are to desprerate. Look for women in places that best suit your interest, and moral characte.

W0LF

replied on November 15th, 2009

Extremely eHealthy

dudechillin45
I appreciate your lifestyle choice but I think you're pretty drastically oversimplfying the process of finding a mate. They way you suggest to go about dating sounds a lot more applicable for finding a good pair of pants. Dating is a skillset of the most complex of social abilities humans can have. I know people who've been dating for 40 years who are still getting it wrong now and again. Additionally while you may not have much need for the companionship of the opposite sex your interrest level isn't common. Most men have a profound need to be romantic with women in order to sustain themselves socially, metnally and physically. Waiting isn't an option.

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