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Can't Cum (Page 1)

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I have a real problem with cumming.

I have making love with my girl and it is impossible for me to cum. It's not that i'm not erected. We went about 2 hours and nothing happened. We've tried changing positions and blowjobs and still nothing. What's wrong with me? What can I do?

A side note...I have no problem cumming while doing solo. Thought that it'll be easier if I did it with a partner but instead the opposite occurs.
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First Helper s10239
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Users who thank IntegralofTan for this post: kennethkensandy 

replied August 2nd, 2005
Experienced User
It might be a mental issue you have. Do you feel any kind of nervousness when you are having sex with her, and are you completely comfortable with her? That can make a big difference. Maybe you have been so eager to please her, that you worry too much about preformance instead of your own pleasure. It could also be that you masterbate too much, and dont have as much mojo when you are with her coz you are already satisfied. Or maybe hers or your technique is off. Sure you are good by yourself because you know what you like. She may not be too sure so take time to explore eachother's bodies. It's not just about the blowing and banging that get's people off, it's just the right touches and feelings while you are doing it. And seeing how you said "making love" im just going to assume you have feelings for her. Or maybe you just arent as attracted to her as you think.
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replied April 18th, 2012
I have had wet dreams but yet I still can't cum solo by j.o any ideas?
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replied September 17th, 2005
Well if you are nervouse while having sex with her it is probaly just anxioty. It is very normal for a lot of guys. All it is, is that u r more comfortable with youself than your partener. Tht is all.
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replied September 18th, 2005
Active User, very eHealthy
What daylynn and x0x011 said are both correct. It might also be that you simply aren't very sensitive.
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replied September 19th, 2005
I think I may have the same problem.

I started masturbating when I was about 7 or so... Twelve years before I started dating and found somebody else to do it for me! But my gfs have never been able to make me cum, and I find neither handjobs or bjs are as nice as diy masturbation :(

another problem I have is i'm still a virgin, and i've been dating my (virgin) gf for 2 years now and each time we try and fail to have sex, it kills the relationship a little more. She says it's painful, I don't know how to have vaginal sex with her without hurting her, and each time I end up embarrassed and humiliated and not knowing who to talk to.

Is it possible that too much wanking has killed my penis? And is it possible that i'm just unable to have vaginal sex properly?
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replied April 16th, 2012
Ah, you just need to make sure that she's "ready". So lots of foreplay, the more aroused she is the better. She needs to be very wet and relaxed. Have you played inside her with your fingers? It sounds cliche as hell, but look up the Kama Sutra

Its natural for girls to hurt a little bit when he first enters, especially the first time. Just go slow and be gentle.

Also everyone's different, but (assuming your going missionary) I've found that I like it better if the guy is a little more on top of me and aiming slightly down, rather than a lateral type motion (that just chafes me)
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replied May 27th, 2007
Cant Cum - Cant Have Sex
I'm EXACTLY the same! In the last 4 years out of 10 shagging I just cant come inside a girl. Except once, and it was a huge undertaking, exhausting, and took a long time. Great sex, though!

Yeah girls do tend to blame themselves but it's NORMAL. Penis sensitivity can decrease with age, but not by a lot and masturbation doesn't really harm sensitivity - your penis is supposed to be "cleaned out" regularly. It's nature. I'd recommend seeing your GP or a counsellor to establish that this isn't indicative of some anxiety you suffer or general stress. Sex toys & role-play can often help you to feel more at ease in the sack. Thing is, for me, I just take ages (bit of a boozer) but really, the girls don't mind at all! (I sometimes use poppers, but they are not really supposed to be inhaled but they do speed the job up and make it a bit wilder).

OK, onto the touchy one, literally. Your partner NEEDS to be relaxed. I know this is not easy at present but a meal, candles, wine and a bath together will set the scene perfectly. Also, try to be as frank and open as possible about how you are both feeling - this is a fantastic step in your relationship and once you crack it... well, you'll be at it like rabbits!

Get some vaginal lubricant which will assist entry. Make sure you are kissing and petting prior to entry and that you get her to show you how she likes to be touched - clitoral stimulation is EVERYTHING and a woman will remain closed & not as aroused unless you can get it.

The final act - oral. I dont know what your level of experience here is, but if you follow instructions from your lady and spend a good while on it, you should find she becomes quite insistent that you enter her. Strong suggestion will turn to hair pulling! Try to ignore the aching neck and give her a good 10-20 minutes or longer - you will not be disappointed.

First post - how was I?
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replied July 1st, 2012
Thanks this helped a lot! I've been haveing the same problem!
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replied May 29th, 2007
used to have the same prob. for awhile first thing i can tell u is don't think about it before u start i found if i worried about it i never did. also try not to jerk off the day that yor going to have sex that also helped me u could be just simply jerking it off to much
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replied May 29th, 2007
Especially eHealthy
confederate_gent wrote:
used to have the same prob. for awhile first thing i can tell u is don't think about it before u start i found if i worried about it i never did. also try not to jerk off the day that yor going to have sex that also helped me u could be just simply jerking it off to much


Masturbation is most likely not his problem nor was it yours. However the placebo effect you gained from not masturbating probably gave you the confidence to relax and just orgasm. The mind is a powerful thing.
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replied May 30th, 2007
Experienced User
Hey!

You are not alone! My ex boyfriend couldn't cum from head, he could only cum from handjobs, masturbation and sex.

As the posters above have said, it maybe a mental problem meaning that you are focussing on it too much and becomming anxious, this can stop you performing too.

If you are really worried, i suggest you mention it to your doctor and see what they have to say.
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replied August 14th, 2007
passivelurker wrote:
I think I may have the same problem.


I started masturbating when I was about 7 or so... Twelve years before I started dating and found somebody else to do it for me! But my gfs have never been able to make me ejaculate, and I find neither handjobs or bjs are as nice as diy masturbation Sad

another problem I have is i'm still a virgin, and i've been dating my (virgin) gf for 2 years now and each time we try and fail to have sex, it kills the relationship a little more. She says it's painful, I don't know how to have vaginal sex with her without hurting her, and each time I end up embarrassed and humiliated and not knowing who to talk to.


Is it possible that too much wanking has killed my penis? And is it possible that i'm just unable to have vaginal sex properly?


Hehe, two years later, and so much has changed! I'm happy to say I'm much better off than before and I'm regularly having enjoyable orgasms during sex.

First, I am dating another woman, and she is really into sex. She's had experience with it before and she's showing me stuff I haven't seen before. So that's all good. (Beforehand, my experience showed that women had to be "talked into having sex", whereas my current girlfriend feels like it whenever I do.)

Secondly, and most importantly, is the mental connection we have. She's just right for me - very supportive and encouraging - about my job, my hobbies, and the activities we do together. I introduced her to rock climbing, we go swimming together, and every so often we buy random groceries and try to cook something unexpected from it. This comfort level in our nonsexual relationship also carries over to being very relaxed in our sexual relationship.

With her, I've started being able to cum inside during sex, although it's still not 100% certain. For the past year or so I've been using condoms with her, and they do reduce the sensitivity a lot. Oftentimes she comes a few times before I do, and I think it's because the inside of the condom has to get wet or loose enough to feel like a vagina. (Even though we use a lot of KY-jelly lube inside and out.)

She became used to me not cumming all the time, and even got a little indulgent about it, because it ensured she would get plenty of orgasms.

Recently she went on the pill so we could have sex without a condom. It made a HUGE difference. The first time we had sex without a condom, I couldn't believe how aroused I got and I ended up cumming very quickly.

(Obviously if you're going to do this make sure she won't get pregnant - the pill is the most reliable method, don't leave it up to withdrawal or rhythm method as those are too risky!)

So, to summarize:

1. Those of you who said you need to get mentally comfortable were COMPLETELY RIGHT! Smile This is very important. Finding somebody who has the same feeling about sex and what they enjoy is crucial.

2. Mechanically, my exgirlfriend's vagina was unusually dry, I now realize. Also, I think mechanically my penis is unusually insensitive. So now with my current girlfriend I use lube and she's on the pill, so we have a good combination of moisture and sensitivity.

Hope that helps, and I'm happy to say to you that the problem appears to be CURABLE!
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replied August 14th, 2007
Especially eHealthy
It's so freaking great to hear back from you!!!

I am SO happy you have a wonderful relationship and satisfying sex now Smile Congratulations all around! ^^
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replied August 23rd, 2008
i have the same problem im 17 i just cant cum with my gf, i have only been have sex for 2 weeks now and have only cummed once

at first when we first had sex (my first time) i was just so freaked out i was so worried about cumming too fast that i could not at all

and the next 4 or so times we had sex i could not focus on what was going on i just kept thinking about weird stuff (like tv shows and video games)

we have tried about every thing hand jobs , oral ,anal, and stright sex , with and with out condoms but still no i have only came with her once and it was premature ,i can do it just fine with myself

but she does not know i cum i dont what to freak her out i just fake it when she has had enough i feel kind of bad about it
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replied August 24th, 2008
To the last post by alex your young and inexperienced you should be using a condom everytime. Basically start with 4play try closing your eyes during oral and focus on the feeling to calm yourself make sure your ready before you start actual intercourse do not have the tv on it can be distracting or at least turn it down. Buy and use some lube you can get that almost anywhere "walmart" for example. Focus on satifying her and you dont worry about not cumming just focus on the feeling. Be safe at your age thats important even if you may be in love keep yourself protected
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replied August 24th, 2008
hi im 15 years old, wen i was goin out with my ex gf i had to be tossed off quite hard nd for a while to cum,but it takes no tym at all doin it DIY, also i cdnt cum wen i got sucked off by her, is there a problem with me ?
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replied November 13th, 2008
My Problem Might Be More Complex
I've only been looking into this for a few days now so I haven't really found a good way of dealing with My Problem but it's basically the Same. First of all I was a Virgin at 24 and masturbated way to frequently. I had a Awesome relationship with this girl when I was 19 She could get me off no problem, Dry sex, Hand jobs and Orel but we never had Sex. I haven't "dated" sense we broke up in 2002.
Recently I found interest in this Girl that was coming into My work often, Turns out she's Friends with two of My good Friends. Now Between work and all, I hadn't a chance to actually spend time with her in person but we would talk a lot via Myspace. Just 4 days ago was the first time we had together and Yes alcohol was involved ( To make this long part of the story short, she knew I was a virgin and wanted to take it from me).
after My friend left She Hoped on top of me and we made out for a wile, She posed the Question "did I want to have sex and do I have condoms" of course I said "yes", When I was inside Her I realized something wasn't right and My mind instantly wondered, I lost my wood soon after that and we stopped. She Kept asking me if she was loose and I didn't really know what to say. I thought perhaps it was a combination of things that went wrong that night and most my friends I spoke with talk a lot about whiskey Dick.
We spent some time with each other Yesterday Smoked Some Bowls and had a typical day, We Started Making out and I was Rock Hard so we Tried things again, Different condoms this time, she came quickly and Lord Knows I tried but still Nothing, after 40min to an Hour I couldn't keep Hard and I had to give up. It's extremely disappointing giving the circumstances: I'm not going to be able to see this Girl to often, she's Not My Girlfriend just a good friend with benefits. I don't know how we would find the time to work on things, I can only hope Kicking the jerking and over time this will pass I guess.
I lol'ed in Joy a lot when I found this forum, it's good to know I'm not the only one who has this problem, I'm totally Open to advice at this point.
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replied January 14th, 2009
i cant cum at all

wen i masturbate i only get a tiny bit of cum ....
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replied February 5th, 2009
so
what
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replied February 12th, 2009
please help...concerned girlfriend
my boyfriend and i have some pretty bomb sex. we have been together for a couple monthes now and i just cant seem to make him cum. His dick gets really hard and he knows how to work it and we can bang for hours but when it comes to the end its like hes about to cum then it just goes away...is it me or is this a normal problem? I just want my man to be happy and i feel like i just cant make him fully happy until he is able to feel the pleasure that he makes me feel
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replied June 19th, 2009
help
im 16 an i have the same problem i feel im way to young for this. nothing my GF does is making me cum an i feel so embarressed about it. weve tried it all but i just cant cum... the weird thing is its easy when i masterbaite but with her i just cant. any help will be greatly needed an welcomed p.s. i have already quit materbaiting in hope it will raise my sperm count any other ideas??......
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replied July 6th, 2009
help me
im 23 and im going out with this beautiful 37 years old woman.... she is great in bed, but we had sex for 3 hours and i couldn't cum, she had a great time but she feels that she is doing something wrong and i know it's me cuz it's not the first time it happened, i always had a problem cumming but this is the first time that i feel is a problem. please help
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