I married the love of my wife a year ago. She is 36, divorced twice w/ 3 children 10, 14, 15. We went together about a year before we married. I knew she was bi-polar. I also knew in her past she had substance abuse problem which drove her to stealing checks from her uncle resulting in a felony charge for which she got paraole. This occured before she was diagnosed bi-polar. She was pretty good when we were going together- shed did have mood swings and we did have arguments to the point we broke up once. But my love for her remained. We married. I did everything I could to see that she was properly diagnosed by taking her to a large university medical center in kentucky which has a bi-polar clinic. It is 3 hours one way from our home. I took her every month. She was placed on lithium (900mgs day) and enderol (25 mgs) for the tremors the lithium caused. She was also on serequill (100mgs) a day for sleep. All during our relationship she craved alcohol. I told her physcitris about this and he told us both that she was still an addict and that she was using the alcohiol as a substitute for the drugs. Her drig of choice was crack cocaaine and if she couldn't get that she said it was meth. She knew I didn't approve of drugs so she turned to alcohol.
Whenever she would drink a fight was guaranteed. Not just sharp words but she would get physical. One night in dec. 04 she forced me to take her to a nighclub in a nearby town. I didn't want to but to prevent a fight I did. She promised she would stop at 4 drinks. She didn't she just kept on. And she was acting very flirtatious and provacative on the dance floor. I tried to get her to go home and she called on the club security to have me removed and told them she didn't kniow who I was and that I was bothering her! I told them she was my wife and they didn't care- out I went. I waited in the parking lot until they closed and she came out. She did come out with a small group of men and a few women and they proceeded across the parking lot to a ramada inn next door. I chased her down and again she denied knowing me and told some of those people to get me away from her. It was almost a fight. Long story short I saw which room they went all went to and proceeded to knock on the door. After a few minutes she came out pulling her shirt down. I asked her what she was doing and she had nothing but hatred to say. I asked her if anything happened and she quickly responded that she was s---ing
d---k and e-----g p-----y. I was astonished and in disbelief. I couldn't belief my ears. I was sick and mad. She attacked me physically when I got her to the car. I called 911 on my cell and when they arrived we both were arrested for domestic assaul;t and all iwas doing was trying to hold her arms down from hitting me further. She broke my glasses and even kick the passenger car door so hard it damaged the hinge. After getting out of jail the next day I asked her again if anything really happened in that room and she said it didn't but I still have my doubts. In her calm and normal state of mind which isn't often she has shared her past with me and her past promescuity. This affected my ability to have full faith and trust in her. She had told me how she did husband #1 and #2. Hell, why shouldn't #3 (me) be woried about her being unfaithful? I certainly had reason to worry didn't i?

Well a very similiar night like this happened in may 05. I came in from working in the yard one saturday afternoon and found my wife getting dolled up. I asked where are we going? She said I don't know about you but i'm going out drinking and dancing, you can go with me or you can stay here. The place she wanted to go was across the state line and I reminded her she was on parole and #1 was not supposed to be at a place that served alcohol, #2 she can't have alcohol for her probabtiobn or for her bi-polar meds, and #3 she would only get in trouble. A big argument insued and I gave in a went with her. It always seems she has to control everything and as long as everything goes her way she is ok.
I even questioned her one time about that and she agreed "everything is about me". Anyway back to the story (nightmare) she drank and drank and I could not get her to stop. She got on the dance floor and acted a fool. Acted very provacative again. The club security escorted her out.
When I went to the front door to get her she assaulted me by spitting in my face and hitting me. The club manager called the police. She accused me of having her taken out. I didn't but was about to I must say.
She was arrested for assault and spent two nights in jail and goes to trial in dec. 05. When I picked her up to bring her home I told her she must get treatment or we were over. She agreed to go to a dual treatnment facility for her substance abuse and her bi-polar. Her bi-polar doctor at the university made the arrangements. She reluctantly went. She stayed 20 days of the planned 30. They also changed her meds from lithium to topomax and eliminated the endarol. They kept her on serquel and added more serequell (25 mgs) to take during the day for anxiety or alcohol cravings. I always made sure she took her meds and she told me she did. I have caught her lying about her meds in the past so I tried to keep a close check. She wrote me loving letters how much she was sorry for being mean to me and sorry that she had taken me and "us" for granted and that she was going to change and she wanted us to work, etc., etc. The first two weeks she was home she was a perfect angle. The third week she started craving alcohol. I wouldn't allow it. On the friday of that 3rd week while in the bath tud she tells me she doesn't want me doing with her to her thearpist appointment that afternoon which is in the same down as the club she casued us to get arrested in back in december. I walked in the bathroom and saw her purse there and reached in and got her key chain out and walked to the kitchen removing the car key from her ring. She didn't see me remove the key but she knew I had her key ring. She jumps from the tub and runs to the kitchen and starts hittting me and yelling and grabs the key chain and runs out of the house wet and totally nude, gets in the car and locks the doors and fumbles with the key ring and discovers she doesn't have the car key so she blows the horn for a few minutes. We live in a rural area so that didn't serve any purpose. Then she bolts from the car runs into the house and calls 911 telling them I took her car keys and lord knows what else she was rambling on so much and all I said to her was "don't do this" and when the police showed up they noticed I had a cut and was bleeding and asked me if I wanted her arrested I said no just get her out of here and they did. I called my attorney who knew of the past problems and told me to go to the courthouse and get a protective order against her. My attorney didn't like the idea of her getting in the car nude with the intentions of driving somewhere. Where we wonder.. To the police station to make some false accusatuions that they probably would have believed from a nude women driving up at 10 am on a friday morning!! Scarry thought. Not only did I get the protective order but I had divorce papers served her the same day. This was the breaking point for me.
I have only cited a few of our difficulties in this bi-polar realtionship. These are three of the standouts. I didn't and don't really want a divorce. I do love her more than anaything but I can't take this abuse, verbal or physical any longer. I thought perhpas she would get the message. She is on meds. She just got out of the physciatric hosp. In june. This incident with car happened jul 8, 05. I haven't seen or spoke to her since. She is telling friends about me taking the keys but not the attack or her attempt to drive off in the car nude or that I was affraid she was going drinking in that other town when she left her therapists office. She is also saying now to friends that's its over between us and she doesn't want to try to fix it. (my guess is she doesn't want to change). How can we go from all the loving letters and lovey dovey phone calls throughout june to this big day on july 8???? And now she wants it over? No car, no job, she gets disabiulity for her bi-polar (not much about $400 a month), 2 kids (she gets child support) with her from hubby #1, the third son hubby #2 has custody of (wonder why???).

What is she thinking? She is telling friends she won't sign the divorce unless I give her the car I owned before we married.

She came into this marriage a year ago with nothing but some personal items and that is all she is leaving with. She has gone through my money like I had a printing press in the garage! She hasn't answer the divorce papers and is now in default forcing it to a trial. How can she say she wants out? I have done everything for her and the kids and tried to protect and care for her.

In march 05 she had major brain surgery for a benin tumor. I was with her throughout this ordeal and nursed her to recovery for about a month at home.

Her worst weapon is her tounge and she uses it with those ahrsh painful words and an hour latter tells me she is sorry and loves me.

Even with meds she is a mess.

I guess she is pissed for me getting the upper hand on that friday to get her attention. Is it worth trying to get her back or just move on?
I really didn't want to lose her. I tried everyhting to make our marriage work.

Any suggestions or ideas appreciated.