I married the love of my wife a year ago. She is 36, divorced twice w/ 3 children 10, 14, 15. We went together about a year before we married. I knew she was bi-polar. I also knew in her past she had substance abuse problem which drove her to stealing checks from her uncle resulting in a felony charge for which she got paraole. This occured before she was diagnosed bi-polar. She was pretty good when we were going together- shed did have mood swings and we did have arguments to the point we broke up once. But my love for her remained. We married. I did everything I could to see that she was properly diagnosed by taking her to a large university medical center in kentucky which has a bi-polar clinic. It is 3 hours one way from our home. I took her every month. She was placed on lithium (900mgs day) and enderol (25 mgs) for the tremors the lithium caused. She was also on serequill (100mgs) a day for sleep. All during our relationship she craved alcohol. I told her physcitris about this and he told us both that she was still an addict and that she was using the alcohiol as a substitute for the drugs. Her drig of choice was crack cocaaine and if she couldn't get that she said it was meth. She knew I didn't approve of drugs so she turned to alcohol.
Whenever she would drink a fight was guaranteed. Not just sharp words but she would get physical. One night in dec. 04 she forced me to take her to a nighclub in a nearby town. I didn't want to but to prevent a fight I did. She promised she would stop at 4 drinks. She didn't she just kept on. And she was acting very flirtatious and provacative on the dance floor. I tried to get her to go home and she called on the club security to have me removed and told them she didn't kniow who I was and that I was bothering her! I told them she was my wife and they didn't care- out I went. I waited in the parking lot until they closed and she came out. She did come out with a small group of men and a few women and they proceeded across the parking lot to a ramada inn next door. I chased her down and again she denied knowing me and told some of those people to get me away from her. It was almost a fight. Long story short I saw which room they went all went to and proceeded to knock on the door. After a few minutes she came out pulling her shirt down. I asked her what she was doing and she had nothing but hatred to say. I asked her if anything happened and she quickly responded that she was s---ing
d---k and e-----g p-----y. I was astonished and in disbelief. I couldn't belief my ears. I was sick and mad. She attacked me physically when I got her to the car. I called 911 on my cell and when they arrived we both were arrested for domestic assaul;t and all iwas doing was trying to hold her arms down from hitting me further. She broke my glasses and even kick the passenger car door so hard it damaged the hinge. After getting out of jail the next day I asked her again if anything really happened in that room and she said it didn't but I still have my doubts. In her calm and normal state of mind which isn't often she has shared her past with me and her past promescuity. This affected my ability to have full faith and trust in her. She had told me how she did husband #1 and #2. Hell, why shouldn't #3 (me) be woried about her being unfaithful? I certainly had reason to worry didn't i?
Well a very similiar night like this happened in may 05. I came in from working in the yard one saturday afternoon and found my wife getting dolled up. I asked where are we going? She said I don't know about you but i'm going out drinking and dancing, you can go with me or you can stay here. The place she wanted to go was across the state line and I reminded her she was on parole and #1 was not supposed to be at a place that served alcohol, #2 she can't have alcohol for her probabtiobn or for her bi-polar meds, and #3 she would only get in trouble. A big argument insued and I gave in a went with her. It always seems she has to control everything and as long as everything goes her way she is ok.
I even questioned her one time about that and she agreed "everything is about me". Anyway back to the story (nightmare) she drank and drank and I could not get her to stop. She got on the dance floor and acted a fool. Acted very provacative again. The club security escorted her out.
When I went to the front door to get her she assaulted me by spitting in my face and hitting me. The club manager called the police. She accused me of having her taken out. I didn't but was about to I must say.
She was arrested for assault and spent two nights in jail and goes to trial in dec. 05. When I picked her up to bring her home I told her she must get treatment or we were over. She agreed to go to a dual treatnment facility for her substance abuse and her bi-polar. Her bi-polar doctor at the university made the arrangements. She reluctantly went. She stayed 20 days of the planned 30. They also changed her meds from lithium to topomax and eliminated the endarol. They kept her on serquel and added more serequell (25 mgs) to take during the day for anxiety or alcohol cravings. I always made sure she took her meds and she told me she did. I have caught her lying about her meds in the past so I tried to keep a close check. She wrote me loving letters how much she was sorry for being mean to me and sorry that she had taken me and "us" for granted and that she was going to change and she wanted us to work, etc., etc. The first two weeks she was home she was a perfect angle. The third week she started craving alcohol. I wouldn't allow it. On the friday of that 3rd week while in the bath tud she tells me she doesn't want me doing with her to her thearpist appointment that afternoon which is in the same down as the club she casued us to get arrested in back in december. I walked in the bathroom and saw her purse there and reached in and got her key chain out and walked to the kitchen removing the car key from her ring. She didn't see me remove the key but she knew I had her key ring. She jumps from the tub and runs to the kitchen and starts hittting me and yelling and grabs the key chain and runs out of the house wet and totally nude, gets in the car and locks the doors and fumbles with the key ring and discovers she doesn't have the car key so she blows the horn for a few minutes. We live in a rural area so that didn't serve any purpose. Then she bolts from the car runs into the house and calls 911 telling them I took her car keys and lord knows what else she was rambling on so much and all I said to her was "don't do this" and when the police showed up they noticed I had a cut and was bleeding and asked me if I wanted her arrested I said no just get her out of here and they did. I called my attorney who knew of the past problems and told me to go to the courthouse and get a protective order against her. My attorney didn't like the idea of her getting in the car nude with the intentions of driving somewhere. Where we wonder.. To the police station to make some false accusatuions that they probably would have believed from a nude women driving up at 10 am on a friday morning!! Scarry thought. Not only did I get the protective order but I had divorce papers served her the same day. This was the breaking point for me.
I have only cited a few of our difficulties in this bi-polar realtionship. These are three of the standouts. I didn't and don't really want a divorce. I do love her more than anaything but I can't take this abuse, verbal or physical any longer. I thought perhpas she would get the message. She is on meds. She just got out of the physciatric hosp. In june. This incident with car happened jul 8, 05. I haven't seen or spoke to her since. She is telling friends about me taking the keys but not the attack or her attempt to drive off in the car nude or that I was affraid she was going drinking in that other town when she left her therapists office. She is also saying now to friends that's its over between us and she doesn't want to try to fix it. (my guess is she doesn't want to change). How can we go from all the loving letters and lovey dovey phone calls throughout june to this big day on july 8???? And now she wants it over? No car, no job, she gets disabiulity for her bi-polar (not much about $400 a month), 2 kids (she gets child support) with her from hubby #1, the third son hubby #2 has custody of (wonder why???).
What is she thinking? She is telling friends she won't sign the divorce unless I give her the car I owned before we married.
She came into this marriage a year ago with nothing but some personal items and that is all she is leaving with. She has gone through my money like I had a printing press in the garage! She hasn't answer the divorce papers and is now in default forcing it to a trial. How can she say she wants out? I have done everything for her and the kids and tried to protect and care for her.
In march 05 she had major brain surgery for a benin tumor. I was with her throughout this ordeal and nursed her to recovery for about a month at home.
Her worst weapon is her tounge and she uses it with those ahrsh painful words and an hour latter tells me she is sorry and loves me.
Even with meds she is a mess.
I guess she is pissed for me getting the upper hand on that friday to get her attention. Is it worth trying to get her back or just move on?
I really didn't want to lose her. I tried everyhting to make our marriage work.
Any suggestions or ideas appreciated.
Last edited by eagle2005usa on August 26th, 2005 03:57 AM; edited 1 time in total
what a prolific writer you are! That was one loooooooooong post!
I think you're better off without this woman. She would just keep making your life chaos and you deserve better. She's got a lot of work to do with professionals before she's ready to be anyone's partner. Take it one day at a time. Time heal's all wounds. In time it won't hurt so much. You know you did your best. It was an impossible situation.
Hey eagle2005usa.. After reading your post.. I had one thought in mine.. How could you put up with this for so long. I understand you love her and it's obvious you want whats best for her.. And that is to get help..She needs to be able to love herself and be able to get her condition under control before she can be in a commited relationship ..Let alone a marriage. And maybe now your feeling that you didn't do enough to help her.. But you did.. You put up with her battles and her problems.. And still stuck around to try and help.. But.. There comes a point in time when no matter what you do to help her..It's not going to work unless she is willing to help herself. Ok.. Put it this once.. Say you stick around and she doesn't get the help she needs.. And she has another issue like the one on july 8th..And you don't get the key next time..And she shows up at the police dept. And they belive her story.You could end up in jail because of a lie she tells and then she never gets the help she needs. I say stand back and let her get the help she needs..And then when she's ready.. And such.. Maybe you can make it work.. I hope that helps. Good luck and keep me posted
Wow, I only skimmed what you wrote after the first part,
i am not you, this is just my opinion, but I would live my life without her
i left my ex, and there are moments when I think of the positive, and I get sad,lonely, I miss the positive aspects of him
but that is all I do, as if he is dead, and I am going through some of kebler ross stuff, and so I am mourning a loss
i do not want him to be dead for real
but our relationship, in a sense is a death, and I am sad, angry
resentful, back to gratitude, and
i do not no how long I will get over my ex, but I know at times it was extremely unhealthy and I can never be with him again.
Just send her love and peace, and be kind to yourself
and live the life you truly want
Thanks all for your comments. It really helps. My friends and family do not understand this bi-polar stuff and most think my wife just uses that as an excuse. I just wonder. She is smart and manipulative.
Anyway, since my original post 31 july 05, my wife has left her mother's home after being there 3 weeks and has rented a house with of all people her ex husband #2 with who she has the 10 year old and they were married a rough 5 years according to what she told me. She also told me they would never be back together again if something ever happened to us.... I suppose this is another bi-polar lie?
She still has not answered the divorce and is in default now. She tried to have me put in jail for violating the protective order by sending her a receipt for something she wanted her name off of the account. So the judge told me I could press charges against her for the july 8 05 assault and did. A warrant was issued and she was arrested but released that night and will be arraigned this week.
It's all so confusing and heart breaking. Why is it bi-polars can lie so much about love? She constantly wrote notes and letters claiming her love for me and even as late of june wrote that I was her hereo. No one has ever cared for her well being as I did. Some of her own famuily members have told me that. How can she be like this?
It doesn't lend itself well to relationships. That's why I think all bipolar's should be single. I know i've had a lot easier time managing my illness since i've become single.
During my relationship I had some escapades like you're describing and I am ashamed of them. One particularily bad one my husband and I used to refer to in a private joke as "the time of my great sickness".
I *thought* we got past it, but during the divorce he said how i'd hurt him that time. I guess he didn't get over it like I thought.
No, i've heard of bipolar women changing the locks on their men for no reason, taking out trumped-up restraining orders, all manner of mischeif.
No, bipolars are better off single. It's just the illness.
my ex boyfriend, dignosed with bipolar, I feel he should be single.
I was in love with him, I never cheated on him in any shape,form
he somehow thinks I have, it drove me insane, it was embarrassing
i spent a lot of time with him, and I wanted to be near him, in his comany
then I learned he has two personalities living in his head, for he could treat me like a princess, steak nice dinners, movies, get aways, hotel stays with hot tubs, and then.. Snap
he wants me out of his life, he is crying or he is yelling , his face turns into a monster, lobster red, veins poppingout of his forehead, eyes bulging out, voice is getting louder, his head gets closer to my face
the face he claims is so beautiful...
So I grab my things and head out the door
and it is just crazy
nothing has to happen before this, as hours before we are watching tv laughing,
then he wakes me up and wants me to leave in the middle of the night
and he feels what was in his house is his, including my purse, wallet, clothes,
we always kept our monies seperate, and thank god, I never moved in with him. I bought food alot, toiltries, cleaning supplies for the house,
treated him to the movies, our date stuff.
So anyways, I had to really hold onto my wallet, replaceing the licence, cards, etc is such a a hassle, so he lets me keep my stuff
as he spits in my face.
I had to finally get off the rollarcoaster,
i do not even know if he knows the full depth of this other "personality"
the liar, the real mean person, I do not even understand his paranoid, false thinking, it was so out there.................
Update to my original post this the 24th of aug 05: looks like the divorce I didn't really want is still proceeeding. My wife has never sent word through my attorney (she doesn't have one) or anyone else for that matter to me that she does not want this. She is being difficult and my lawyer is unable to reach any agreement with her and she never officially responded to the divorce filing as required in the first 20 days. We are now near day 50. Our state law says a couple must separated 60 days before the divorce motion can be made to make it final. I am afraid my wife who has admitted one of her biggest faults is that she can be easily influenced. I think this occurring with this separation/divorce from her adoptive mother (who my wife claims to hate) and her cousin. They are stuck to her like glue and from what my wife has said to my lawyer- it doesn't sound like anything she would have come up with. I love my wife more than anything ever! I don't want to lose her. I know her being bp is a difficult problem. I really wonder if all she has done against me is her bp or is she just mean? Has her love for me all been a giant lie? I realize I must regain control of my life, my health and my emotions. I realize that I was losing this prior to our being separated.
But at the same time she is my life and is the most important thing in my life. I have tried to tell myself to just let go but can't. I want to talk with her directly but can't due to the protective order my attorney advised me to get back on july 8, 05 when she attacked me again and cut my arm, the same day the divorce was filed and served on her. I am really lost, depressed and have so many mixed emotions running through me over her and this dreadful situation. I am glad this forum is here to vent my feelings to someone is has some understanding of the adversity of bi-polar- none of my friends or family seem to understand bp- they all think she is just a mean person and that I am more or less crazy for wanting her in my life. I do not believe I am. I love this woman more than anything ever and that's the god's honest truth. I knew she was bp when I married her but never before saw what I have seen and experienced until after we were married almost a year ago. I have been praying for a miracle but so far nothing. A few weeks ago she moved into a house with her ex husband and their 10 year old son. At a court hearing this week I mentioned that my wife wasn't even divorce from me and was committing adultery by moving in with her ex husband and her mother and her both responded that she was only sharing the house and expenses. Ya and I am santa claus too! I find this hard to understand especially knowing what all she did to him when they were married and all her many acts of infidelity that she told me about while she was married to him. If I am crazy that guy must be insane! Knowign what she did to him hurt my ability to trust her. And on that subject I have reason now to believe that she may have committed several acts of infidelity while married to me and one such case was apparently with her 1st ex-husband! This came to me from a very reliable source who is a friend of her 1st ex. He calims to have witnessed it. What a freaking mess this is. Any ideas, comments or suggestions?
i really feel for you, my heart goes out to you..I didnt ge thow old you are but it doesnt really matter..
I understand that you really love this woman but I have to ask you one question?
Do you love yourself? If so run dont walk, once you have those divorce papers signed, sealed and delivered!
It seems to me that you stuck by this woman and gave her more than enough chances to change..I know it sounds so damn corney to say but nothing is more true than, life is too short!
You sound like a wonderful man and I promise you there is a wonderful woman out there for you..Believe me after what you have said, she is not it! This woman cant be a partner to anyone..
Do yourself a favor, get out, take some time for yourself to heal.. It wont be easy but it will probably be the best thing you could ever do for yourself..
This woman is toxic..
All the best to you..
My attorney has just informed me he has a court date and time for a hearing on this divorce matter which my wife so far has failed to officially respond to. Not even sure she will show up for the eharing. So far she has made no attempt to reconcile with me. Why can't she understand what she was doing to me was wrong and un called for bi-polar or not? I guess her stubborness and hard-head will not allow her to give in. In the past I was the one who always gave in and suppose she has been expecting me to give in again but I just can't do it any longer. God help me, I love her so and don't want to lose her but I know I can't continue living the life of drama and pain that she apparently enjoys so much.
I believe that bipolar is much more than a condition but rather a demonic spirit inhabiting a person...especially based on what you have said about her capricious violent outburts and substance abuse. That being said meds can't help her. What you are fighting against isn't human but a spirit.... and that kind of evil spirt can only be overcome through Fasting & Praying....i believe this is something that only God (Jesus Christ) can heal. Not to get spiritual on you...but u seem desparate...perhaps desparate enough to have faith in the One True God (Jesus Christ) who can do anything...im currently believing in God to free the one whom i love as well. may His grace be with you ...and His power be revealed to you according to your faith in Him (Jesus Christ). read Holy bible Book of Matthew (matthew 17: 14-21)
Hey can we talk? I feel as though my wife, who is bi-polar, runs off and cheats on me and gets back with me. I threw her out, but now 5 weeks later we're talking again. Each time we've been separated I've never been able to prove anything however. Her oldest son WAS into satanism. Do u think that has anything to do with these vibes and gut feelings while we're apart or is she actually doing it and I just haven't busted her yet?
me too my wife is almost the exact same!!! and i love her and want to help but cant.. her whole family is crazy.... devorce is probly the only answer for us both both i do not want it.. i would continue to suffer and sacrifice for ever if only she would stay with me and not leave me for other men.. but i just wait for her to return... and i think of killing her and her boyfriends but then say no its not worth it and id never hurt her... oh what a curse it is... we are doomed.... and we are just as crazy as they are.... mabe moreso... lol beer helps... so does sex with new gals... but only a lil.... damn it bro.... we just need to keep hunting a good woman...one who can give what she gets.. unconditional love... or get a house with a basement and chain em to the floor... no no ...cant do that... we love it... wouldnt have it any other way... we look for this pain... our next woman will be the same way.... the sick seek the sick... if my ulcer aint bleeding from stress i find some stress... we need to fix us first then we may find a healthy gal... ya nut...
U need another woman then. She has you where she wants you and knows it. I know this is hard to accept, but she has you obsessed . That is NOT good. She needs competition. Try throwing her a curve. Go out and hook up with another woman. -Brave12
Why don't u get another woman to help you. I ended up going out during our separation. My wife being bipolar. I met a few ladies who were very willing to talk after a few drinks and help me with my situation. My wife actually texted me, after not hearing from her for 3 weeks, while I was out chatting with other females. Find some good looking women to rub shoulders with too. You are playing HER game, and she has u all tore up bro. Got to turn that around, whether u want her back or decide to cheat on her or move on.
I have started going out with my boyfriend 4 years ago it was always an on and off relationship, and it was always made to seem from his point of view my fault, and never his. I have done a lot for this relationship for the past 4 years, I really loved him I took care of him, paid for him, anything that would make him happy I did for him not expecting anything back, regardless even if he was bipolar I still stood by him and supported him and now he forgot all those times that I was there for him and all the sacrifices I have done for him, he is getting engaged to another girl while he is with me, I am right so devastated that all this year how can he use me like a doormat, and get married to someone else, is bipolar people that much heartless, that they are so ungrateful to those who actually cares about them? I really love him, and it really hurts to see all this years he used me and my only advice to you all out there who are in a relationship with bipolar is it will bring you a life long heartaches because no matter what you do for a bipolar person they never appreciated instead they take you for granted, and makes you a complete stranger at the end, I am so lost right now, that my whole like was revolving around him now I have lost my own sanity and left with a broken heart that will take long time to pick up all the shattered pieces of my broken heart and start a new life without him.
To eagle2005usa: I believe that bipolar is much more than a condition but rather a demonic spirit inhabiting a person...especially based on what you have said about her capricious violent outburts and substance abuse. That being said meds can't help her. What you are fighting against isn't human but a spirit.... and that kind of evil spirt can only be overcome through Fasting & Praying....i believe this is something that only God (Jesus Christ) can heal. Not to get spiritual on you...but u seem desparate...perhaps desparate enough to have faith in the One True God (Jesus Christ) who can do anything...im currently believing to God to free the one whom i love as well. may His grace be with you ...and His power be revealed to you according to your faith in Him (Jesus Christ). read Holy bible Book of Matthew (matthew 17: 14-21)
My separated wife is Bi-polar. We have been separated 4 or 5 times over the last 14 years and I've never proven anything, YET all my gut feelings indicate to me she's been unfaithful, even though she says I am not listening. She says she has never done it with anyone else. She doesn't want anyone in her life. Her niece is a little slut, sorry, but she is. Her family is trying to keep her out late. Are these feelings infidelity or something else? Her son WAS into satanism. why haven't i proven anything?
@Brave12 and the First Post. How to Overcome that bipolar Spirit
Hi..i read both of your posts. One thing I can say..it is not wise to move on assumptions without facts. But this i will say dealing with someone who is bipolar(Demon Possesed) is very difficult...and immposible to overcome without help from God(Jesus). I feel your pain...ive been there and i'm telling you that people like this become worse and as time goes by...they become so cold that in the end they will treat you as if you guys never even existed as a couple or as if you killed their only child(they will always blame you for the wrong theyve done and will never admit to having any part in the way you acted#. I bet you 100% that she's completely self centered and that every hurt you express to her she uses reverse psycology and makes it seem as if you're the one who is doing the wrong. I can bet that she doesnt have a mind of her own and is controlled by her family or friends. And i can bet that shes doesnt know how to let go of the past #a past that is filled with lots of issues#. Even If you admit to wrong these people become merciless, heartless, selfish to the utter most that they dont care if it kills you...with their words they claim to love but with their actions they lie. But there is hope..the bible says that what is immpossible for man is possible for God and also #in corithians 13# that LOVE #bears, belives, hopes,never fails and overcomes all things#. You cannot force someone to change their mind #she has every right to choose just as you do# however freewill doesnt exist without consequences. But there is still hope...Since with God All things are possible. This is the good thing: the Bible says that the kings heart#mind# is in the heart of God and He directs it where-so-ever He will #Read the book of ESTHER (all of it##. The Bible also says "to you oh Lord belongs mercy" #psalm 62:12#. I believe that you love this woman and i know how hard it is to love someone who doesn't Love you back. God established marriage and intended for it to be forever: You been crying out to her but its time to cry out to the one who can help her and will hear you if you have faith in Him...God#Jesus Christ# can free this woman of this ailment and give her a new heart to be faithful to you....but its up to you to love this woman. Martin Luther kings said in reference to the Holy Bible "Darkness cannot drive out darkness, only light can do that" "Hate cannot drive out hate, only Love can do that" . Demons are complete darkness and hate but you have access to God...show this woman love in spite of what exists and fast and pray until you see results. God has they power to free as well as lock up a person. He has the power to kill as well as give live. He has the power to raise the dead and YeS! even though free will exists God can give a person a new heart to free that person of an evil spirit so that they can see clearly and the Love which you bestowed upon them while they were in that state...will yeild its rewards. This isn't and easy thing to bear...but i dont think you neither the guy who initially wrote the first letter didnt truly love these individuals...Both of them need a new heart to Love you BAck..Only Jesus Christ can do that. #please excuse the long essay#....As for her family, Everyone of them has a right to choose whom they wish to be. Give her a chance...hear her out and try to comply even if it hurts #I've realized that in realationships there are no right or wrongs #if someone doesnt like something you just dont do it# and also Every thing that is in the dark will be brought to light #holy bible# give her the benefit of the doubt for now. And do not judge her based on who her family is but rather on who she is toward you. If she does you wrong show her Love still...and Pray...God will give her a new heart#mind# and you work will not be in vain. There is not such thing as Bipolar...she has an evil demonic spirit as a result of a Hardened heart #holding in past hurts#.