Medical Questions > Womens Health > Sexual Health - Women Forum

Wife Masterbating In Sleep (Page 1)

Must Read
Menstruation is a woman's normal monthly menstrual period. But what are the signs of abnormal periods? When is vaginal bleeding serious?...
Regular vaginal bleeding vagina is a sign of healthy menstruation. What signs and symptoms point to menstrual problems? Read on to learn the difference....
Menstrual irregularity means that something is wrong. Learn how to identify the signs and symptoms of an irregular period to prevent larger problems later...
I have been really stressed about this and need to know if it can happen. My wife is spreading her legs and touching herself while I am asleep. I found this out by watching her for months pretending I am asleep. Its almost every night. I ask her about it and she has no idea what I am talking about. I know she does this cause when I move she turns over like to stop cause she got caught. Why would she continue if she knows I know she is doing it if she is not asleep? I am upset but have heard that some males do this in their sleep. :oops:
any help would be greatlty appreciated. Its starting to make me possessive and jealous. I am thinking she is fooling around now. We have a really great sex life and have for 17 years. Could she be a closet nymph?
Did you find this post helpful?
First Helper morras
|

replied March 27th, 2008
I hear you, I also found my wife mastrbating by her self. I am awake the hole night while she is doing it some night it cont. straight through. I found out one night when she was busy and the bed moved alot. Since then evey time we climb in bed or just laying onthe couch she fisrt watch me if I am looking and then she starts. I did ask her and she go so angry and did not like that she said she is not doing it and turned it to me having dirty thoughts in my head. She also stop when I move to turn away and stuff. She likes it I think because it cont. I also feel left out and dont understand why thins now. When she is finshed I ask her If I can hold her to to show her I care and so on and putting her legs over me but she refuse to lay in to me knowing she is all wet.


I dont understand Please help
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied March 27th, 2008
Extremely eHealthy
Moved Topic
Ihave moved this topic to "Sexual Health - Women". I think you will get a input and replies with it being in this forum.
Good Luck

Carrie
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied March 27th, 2008
Extremely eHealthy
I am a bit confused about this question. Men masturbate. It is accepted and expected. Women are supposed to understand the need for men to masturbate. Women masturbate as well. Like most men, women think of this as a private moment. Perhaps she is embarrassed that you know she is masturbating. Be supportive and let it go. It is not an indication that she is cheating on you, anymore than it is an indication of a man cheating on his wife if he masturbates.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied October 30th, 2012
my girl masturbsting right next to me.
Not when its everynight, same movements, and she rolls over if you catch her, or she plain lies and says i have no clue what you're talking about. Not when she does it for seven hours each night, stops when she knows you're lookin then starts when you arent. She pulls her gstring super tight and it hit her clit all night till its raw. Then won't let you play with her cause she knows she's wet and sore. So no long sex at night, and none in the morning cause she's sore or chaffed. Hows that fair to us guys that don't masturbate behind out partners back, only with them to turn them on.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

This post is being reviewed to be sure that it adheres to our Community Guidelines.
Thanks for your patience!

replied August 31st, 2013
Its not that woman masturbate, masturbation is healthy & safe. It is lying about the act that follows. Imagine that your husband (who thinks your asleep) pulls his pajama's down masturbates, shakes the bed, moans under his breath, ejaculates...and then acts like you imagined it the next morning. Why is he lying to you? What else has he lied about? Would he be honest about marital affairs if he is lying about something as silly as masturbation. I say go ahead and take care of yourself, but if your touching yourself every time your lover turns his/her head and then lying about it, I would say that raises some flags.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied March 27th, 2008
Especially eHealthy
Seriously; what's the problem here? It's not her. It may be you. She may not be orgasming during sex. God knows we fake it. We really do. I swore I never would and I do!

How do you two have sex? Do you make sure she orgasms?

I masturbated in bed when my bf was asleep too. I never cheated on him, not once. But since I didn't orgasm during sex, afterwards I needed release. So, I usually went to the bathroom first and I would masturbate on the floor before going back to the room; or I would wait till he went and masturbate before he came back.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied March 28th, 2008
Thank you for the responce, I do think that we have a good sexual relationship, I always pleasure her 1st I have been doing this since we gottogether, I havestarted messaging her putting oils on her and taking my time sometimes take it than just ot relax her and then giving her oral sex and only if she wants interncourse. She is a very fantatic lady and I fell inlove with her everytime, My heart beats faster when she is near me and I miss her when she is not.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied March 28th, 2008
Especially eHealthy
Well good. Sometimes, if she's having sexy feelings about you but knows you've already pleasured her, she'll just do it herself so you can rest.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied March 30th, 2008
Active User, very eHealthy
I really don't think that you should let this bother you. Its harmless and something that she's obviously enjoying.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied March 31st, 2008
Experienced User
i would not let this bother you. Its natural for a women to masturbate just like men. Some women like to masturbate just as much as men. When she moves away from you it might be because its a private moment and she just wants to do it herself. You could try having a masturbation session with her.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied December 9th, 2012
So help me understand. We have sex 6-7 nights a week for 1-2 hours at a time. Very healthy mutually enjoyable with and without toys. She often masturbates beforehand and virtually always with a vibrator afterwards. I understand she gets a much more intense orgasm that way and she knows I enjoys watching her and even being involved if she desires. The problem? She masturbates with and without toys nearly every night when she thinks I'm asleep. This wouldn't bother me at all except that if I try to cuddle her or touch her she rejects me, often aggressively so. When I ask her about it she says she's asleep and can't be held accountable.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied April 6th, 2008
Extremely eHealthy
I have to agree with everyone above. Alot of woman even have sexeual fantasies while they sleep. It's a normal human thing. I too think you making to bigger thing out of something you need not worry about.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied August 6th, 2008
Same issue here
Ok, level headed and sensible... I'm telling myself that she's doing it like sleepwalking... she's asleep and she doesn't know she's doing it. She denies it thoroughly.

Angry Ranting Man:
And how can you guys say, "this shouldn't be a problem?" I'm having HUGE issues with this. Mostly because our sex-life is pretty much dead... and she's touching herself at night, WITH ME LYING RIGHT NEXT TO HER?! I'm not kidding. She will turn me down, "Not tonight, I'm really tired" and 15minutes later, the bed is shaking gently, there are quiet wet sounds and she's breathing hard.

*****!

Don't get me wrong, back in the good old days, when we were having sex more than once a month and she was clearly sexually interested in me, I didn't care if she masturbated. I even encouraged it. But now, we seem to be doing it once every six weeks or so. She says she just has no sex drive right now... but she's masturbating almost nightly and using her vibrator when I'm not home at least once a week.

She denied that too... until I told her about the evidence.

She uses condoms on the Vibe and I've been seeing the used ones when I empty the garbage. I have no actual evidence re night-touching. Just my word against hers. I would set up a video camera but that would create some REAL trust issues.

All I want is for my wife to SHARE her sexuality with me and not to lie about it. I've even told her that if she doesn't want to have sex, she can touch herself at night, but tell me and I'll do the same. No dice.

My sexual self-confidence has been destroyed and I'm having trust issues with her now. Every time I'm not around I think she's playing with herself (even though my head knows its not true). She lied about the vibe. She's lying about night-touching (or doing it in her sleep). She lies about her lack of sex-drive. I don't trust her at all any more when it comes to sex.

I don't think she's cheating on me yet but one day something will happen that can be interpreted as evidence for cheating and she'll deny it. Adn she probably won't have, but how will I be able to believe her? Thats where I'm getting to.

I could just go on and on with the issues this, and other things, have created in my head but this post is long enough already.

I'm seriously about to suggest sleeping in different rooms. I'm just about done with this.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied August 6th, 2008
Community Volunteer
So maybe she can't get off with you? I went through a phase like that after having my second child. I told him that I wasn't in the mood because no matter what he did, I couldn't orgasm. So I did what came natural, I got myself off. The only difference was, I did it in front of him, no shame. Some women are ashamed that they cannot orgasm while having sex. We don't want our partner to feel like they let us down. Also some women are ashamed of masturbation. Even though it is perfectly normal. You need to ask yourself this question: Have I ever masturbated while she was away? Seriously, its no big deal. Have you ever thought that maybe she isn't in the mood for you, that maybe she wants to please herself? And that maybe she is one of the women who likes privacy while doing it? So what if she is using a vibe while you are not home. And if she is lying about it maybe she is ashamed. I think you both could use some counselling to find out the root of both problems, her masturbation and why she is doing it. and your apparent anger over it.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied August 6th, 2008
SBS, or SleepSex!
Before I get into a long-winded response, I've done some reading on the internet. Apparently there is something called "SleepSex" or SBS. It covers a whole range of sexual activity from masturbation to actually having sex with your partner. It's like sleepwalking in that the person doing it is physically active but they are asleep or have no awareness of what they are doing and they have no memory of it afterwards.

I'm giving my wife the benefit of the doubt. I guess she isn't aware she's masturbating because she's sleep-rubbing. Bad joke.


@MotherOfHighSpiritedOnes
Thanks for the feedback. My wife is slightly sexually dominant and we've been together for eight years. She has no issue telling me what she wants or how she wants me to do what I'm doing differently, (Sometimes its annoying but I can live with it) she refuses to fake it and usually climaxes twice when we do it. Once before sex and then again afterwards, usually with me operating the vibrator. Sometimes (rarely) she can't and she jsut says so and we stop.

The part that makes me angry (but I'll get over now that I know about SBS) is that she was turning me down on a regular basis and we were only doing it once every-other-month-ish. She said she just has no drive. This continual rejection, of course, has emotional repercussions for me... started feeling like she doesn't want me and I'm unattractive and so on (this has been going on for a couple of years). I've talked to her about it a couple of times to no avail.

And then I find out she's masturbating with the vibe weekly... and then she starts masturbating almost nightly! Worst, she knows the rejection is getting me down because we've talked about it... and she's masturbating right next to me after telling me she is too tired for sex. It's like throwing it in my face. I don't want to tonight, sorry dear. 15min later, "Ooooh, mmmm..." I mean I could let that go if it were once in a while, but with 5 weeks of rejection behind you, it really hurts.

The link in my head becomes, "Bull, you don't have any drive! You really DON'T want me sexually". If it isn't SBS, the "No drive" really IS BS. she's getting off at least 4x per week (that I know about).

I'm also very open with sexuality... it REALLY bothers me that she is using the vibrator weekly. It bothered me that she was playing with herself almost daily. Actually the fact that she's doing it doesn't bother me half as much as the fact that she's hiding them from me. If you don't want to have sex with me, just be honest about it and we'll work something out. Or just tell me so I can deal with it and move on!

It really sucks having her say, "No really, I AM attracted to you, I just have no drive." Then that night she turns me down and 15min later is getting herself off.


On the whole, men do it, my situation is as follows:
I prefer sex with my wife over masturbation. When we are doing it frequently I don't masturbate at all. Yeah, I do it when she's away. Yeah, I do it when "its been a while". I don't masturbate when she's home and I certainly don't do it with her sleeping next to me in bed. Further, if I did and she called me on it, I would admit it. I wouldn't try and tell her, "no honey, I wasn't doing that!"

------

For some reason I can't get any flow in this response. I've re-written it twice now. Oh well. I hope this doesn't come off as an attack on you, MotherOfHighSpiritedOnes. I'm just trying to explain where the emotions are coming from.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied August 19th, 2011
I will tell you my situation with my wife of 20 years is the exact same. I have almost left her and still might because I can't handle the emotional roller coaster and just not being able to make any sense of it in my head.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied August 6th, 2008
Community Volunteer
Not at all hun. It just seems that maybe she has some emotional probs right now or stresses. And believe me, I understand your feelings. And you have every right to feel that way. Since you told me she is usually open about what she does...it changes my perspective. She may well be masturbating in her sleep. But until you find out whether she is or not, you will never know. Maybe you should sit down and tell her you think she might be doing it in her sleep. Maybe you guys talking about it will help. I wish I could offer advice. Really. But I have never been in that type of situation. I was always upfront and honest. Maybe your wife is one of the shy ones...I could speculate all day. When it comes down to it, it hurts you and she may not even be aware she is doing it. I say its high time you ask to invite her little vibe friend into the bed with you two. Spice things up a bit.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied September 24th, 2008
It's different
I noticed the same thing about my wife. She will do it when we are watching tv or in bed. It is very distracting with her legs moving and her chest heaving. As with the rest of the posters she denies it if I ever bring it up. If I persist, she gets very angry and says that she hardly ever masturbates. I don't bring it up in an accusatory or angry way because I would like her to share the experience with me once in a while. So now I don't bring it up at all and I find myself getting angry and leaving the room when she does it. Why can't she leave the room when she does it?

Our sex life is only OK. She doesn't let me go down on her at all. She never has and she only wants to do it missionary style. I got her a dildo a while back to try and spice things up, but she says she never uses it.

I know she is probably pretty embarrassed when I bring up masturbation but then why does she do it practically in front of me? That is the difference, you can say that men masturbate so why can't women, but I never do it when she is home. Let alone try to be sneaky while she is sleeping or watching tv. It is nowhere near the same thing as when I do it.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied August 25th, 2011
Fast breathing, fast assshake "then her Cum-Cough" Oha
YOU ARE MARRIED TO MY WIFE!!!!! To A Absolute Tee. So what I did is started to masterbate next to her and you know what she does... Yanks the covers back and says what is wrong with you, go to sleep! Minutes after her body goes through her Rythmic Convulsions and turns into the Big Bad Wolf with all the huffing and puffing from pleaseing herself... Before when I used to ask her, she would say she had a dream and she was crashing in a plane... After the same "reacurring dream I asked her if she was getting pounded by all the guys on her crashing flight"? I have even tried roll playing, acting like a few guys I know she thinks are attractive, then BAM she spreads the legs, touchs chest but sometime her hand isnt even in her crouch & mini super fast body shakes & what I like to call "Moaning Coughs" (moaning and covering it up with a couch" She does not like, anyone going down... NO dirty talk, mainly missionary & and never initiates. We have 4 kids & married 12years & she has initiated it 2 time... I just had a 7 month drought of no sex & begging & trying to explain it etc... Did not help... So when I find a happy median & start to stroke when she is on her back, legs spread & hand on chest.... she will "wake up" and so angry and disgusted.. then 2 hrs later when she thinks I'm sleeping and whille on her side the fast breathing, Ass jiggling and yep you guessed it " Another CUM COUGH" I am still messed up from all the rejection, thinking she was bain co-workers, neighbors... then even said invite him over and as long as I get to first he can have 2nds as long as I get it... SERIOUSLY it really gets weird and messs with your mind when you beg, get rejected & have it thrown in your face & when you give up & start to stroke one off watching her booty jiggling and listening to the moans she calls you out like your some fricken pervert!!! Found somthing about "Keegle" exercies , the act of the flexing can cause some women to get them self off without rubbing etc... One time she got really drunk & turned into a porn star (I'm not kidding, and I have no Idea where she learned some of the things she did & developed this ability not to choke or scrap down there and was so off the wall crazy awesome I immediatly started thinking how in the hell can she go from missionary only to reverse cowgirl, begging to be punished & allowed my fingers to go into the "bowling ball hole" ... Well It's been 6 years since that question and havent been able to get her even buzzed since then.... I just tell her now when I figure out who he or she is make sure they send me a check! I dont know what else to do, i asked her if my good buddy could come bang her nd they could be alone all night... (and even had him come and try) just to see if she had ever cheated or to see if its me or just like this game... I am 8.5 / not sure width but cannot fit inside toilet paper roll or paper towel tube... you know the empty cardboard tube the paper towels are wound up on.. BALOLck in Day she used to smack her girlfriend/sister (which is slamming hot)& even the old roomate.. in the face with it, slap it against her clit etc.. (she had me show all these girls at hers sisters house that were all there with the husbands in the back yard... she called it her big dildo that unfortunately is attached to me OMG i am becoming a woman trapped n a mans body because i whine like a girl now because i just want to feel wanted....LOL OMG if it doesnt open up for my muscle tonight ( she can call me anyname she wants and i will act like that person) which she has never gone along with...I am starting to want it like its a drug or something.. This has gone on since our 3rd child...wow its happened man its not even the sex i want now ( it was at first) it is just wanting to feel like im desired by my wife... and if not I want her old
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied March 1st, 2009
its ok
my wife does the same thing but i don't lose sleep over it.as soon as she starts doing it i do the same.first time i tried to help she turned her back on me so i went ahead did it in front of her i was even louder.lol
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied March 11th, 2009
this is getting old
the whole yes you are no your not is killing me and our relationship whats the first step?
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied April 29th, 2009
Move on
If you are not getting what you need then move on. The message being sent is clear regardless of the words. Just play it the other way... No honey I do not want to take you out to dinner tonight I am taking my sexatary out. No worries hun it's only a platonic thing. It is you I love. And HEY this way you can jack off in priviate!

Just see how long that flies.

Don't bother with the flaming. I am posting and moving on...
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied April 29th, 2009
Supporter
wow i'll have what she's having
that's not a good reason for a married couple to break up. maybe she's thinking of you having sex with her in her sleep.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied May 3rd, 2009
hey
In undergrad my best friend/roommate told me that I used to masturbate in my sleep constantly . . . if it's happening when she's asleep, you can't blame her or yourself for it.
|
Did you find this post helpful?