Hello,
reading your message I could feel how hurt and frustrated you are feeling.
First off:
big hugs to you!
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((you))))))
))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
now,
i want to tell you I am so sorry for what you and your sister and your mom have been through.
I can't begin to know what it has been like, but I can guess that it hasn't been easy. And from your message I see that you are feeling some strong pain & resentment.
I am going to say some thing now that may seem very obvious and overly simple. I do it because I realize there's a good chance that nobody has ever said these things to you and you need to hear the truth.
The way that your father (& other family) treated you as a child was/is not your fault.
I am sorry that you were treated that way. (even though I don't know you personally, I know that you did not deserve to be treated disrespectfully then or now.)
as a child you didn"t have control over the actions of adults or the circumstances of your life -but you do now!
Lastly, I know that it takes courage to speak up for yourself and to try to make big changes inyour life. You have taken the first steps already! Keep it up. You are not alone! One of the most transformative aspects of the internet is that it gives us the ability to connect with people all around the globe. Remember that when you are feeling isolated! There are people out there that are feeling just like you.
Find ways every day to nutrure and care for yourself.
And find ways to nurture and care for someone else - this will speed your process.
I am very proud of you for the steps you are taking to change yourself and your life.
Big love,
gg