:? Hi, my name is messina and I am a 31 year old mother of two and a newly married . I am 5'5 and 226 lbs. I have chronic back pain, but no other medical complications. I get extremely depressed because of my weight and I feel so unhappy and uncomfortable in my skin. My husband is totally against bypass surgery and vows not to discuss or hear of it in any form or fashion. He told me to just do what I have to do, but he does not agree with it nor will he support me. But my biggest concern is not him, it's me. I love food, food is my friend, I lean on it when I get down, happy, sad etc. And the thought of not being able to eat scares me. Although I know I need to find an alternative source for my depression, and that food ultimately is not the answer and I am miserable being fat, I have no real desire to give up the food on my own. I want to eat, and lose the weight which is impossible. I opted not to have the gastric ring, because ultimately it is so easy to cheat past it, and well.. I know I would. Gastric bypass surgery is my only alternative to control my eating, my urges, and my weight. However, I am so freaking scared. I am terrified of what "could" go wrong. I have no room in my life for complications. I have two small children, and a husband, and not to mention my obligation to work. My mother is really pushing me to have the surgery, she knows how much better I will feel thin, and how my depression could possibly even just go away all together, and my self-esteem would reappear. I didn't even get dressed today, because I didn't want to put on any fat clothes. I get tired of looking for something "comfortable" to wear. Most of my clothes are tight, and I refuse to go shopping in the "fat girls" store. I'm sick of flowers and elastic waist bands. I want some real clothes! I want to wear a belt, and need it! I want to wear my shoulders out, and not feel self conscious about the lower part of my arm flapping in the wind. Or the rolls on my back hanging out. I want to make love to my husband, without feeling ashamed or tired. I want to live again. I don't mind exercising and have done so and lost weight successfully, but it always comes back. Slowly.... But surely, and that is what made me consider gastric bypass. I'm sick of the struggle. I'm sick of the yo-yo weight loss. I want something permanent! If there is anybody out there who is will to talk to me, and help me over my fear of this surgery please... I would appreciate it. However, if there are people out there who have horror stories, or have lost a loved one, please... I need to hear that too. This is a big decision and a permanent one, I need to be sure about what i'm doing, or not going to do. - thanks