Troubled and Abusive Relationships Forum

Relationships > Troubled and Abusive Relationships Forum > Married But Lonley

Q: Married But Lonley

asked by: 1parent on July 26th, 2005

New User

I have been married for a little over three years. And for about 2 of the three years I have been feeling like I am the only person in this relationship. It has not always been this way either. All my husband cares about is the sex part of our relationship. I need so much more than that. I work a 40 hour week just as he does and yet I come home every nite cook dinner, clean clothes and take care of my 9 year old son. He comes home and sits on the couch and watches tv. On the weekends I spend most of the weekend cleaning the hard stuff like moping and scrubing everthing from the floors the bathrooms and weekly stuff like that. He does none of this to help.
And thats just the easy stuff.
My house needs some repairs done and it is just stuff that I really cant do by myself. I have been asking and asking and he states he'll get it later.
I have sat him down on 3 different occassions to talk about how I feel. And it never helped. I have also asked him to leave and that didnt help either.
I told him that I was strong enough to live on my own. Which I know I am. I did it for a few years with my child before he came along.
I feel like all of this is making me fall out of love with the person I vowed to spend the rest of my life with. But I don't think I can spend the rest of my life like this.
How many times do you talk to a grown man to get a point across before you give up?
If anyone has any suggestions, I am all ears.

Replies(5)

Keehiaangel

replied on July 26th, 2005

Experienced User

Sad But True

I am sorry that you are having to go through this. My cousin just went threw the same thing. She didn't marry him just lived with him. She finally had enough and left him. I am not saying you should leave him for ever but honestly you should take your child or children and leave for a little while and make him see you are serious. That is what I had to do also and I have only been married 9months. But sometimes men just think its our hormones and not our hearts talking. I will pray for you to have the strengh to know what to do.

I also am 7m pregnant so that is what my husband blames this on. Well I told him the same thing each time I leave it gets easier and easier till one day I wont care. But he has finally chosen to get help. Maybe you all could get marriage concileng to. Sorry I dont spell so well.

brian_may

replied on August 22nd, 2005

New User

I'm sorry you are living in this . As a guy, it makes me mad to see guys who simply aren't pulling their weight. If you can use a remote, you can use a vacuum cleaner!
If he had some positive male friends, perhaps some of them could be a positive influence and tell him how lazy he's really being (honestly, not all guys watch tv all night! I hate tv and do all the cooking, and some cleaning while my wife is at work - and I work too).
I would suggest cooking for yourself, doing your own laundry and only cleaning rooms you use and see how long it takes before he gets too hungry, or runs out of clean clothes.Unfortunately, it does seem like hard measures would work best.
Good luck, and try to keep positive. You seem to have done so well so far :)

Keehiaangel

replied on August 23rd, 2005

Experienced User

Better

Are things any better for you? I pray for you and I dont even know you. I hope so. Keep postied

rainfalls

replied on August 26th, 2005

New User

That Sucks

It seems inour soceity these days that eventhough us women work 40 hours a week the man still thinks or some men still think we should also be doing the household duties.
Does he work too? Maybe you oculd suggest that if he wants all this stuff done that you quit your job to be a domesticated woman?
I have tried the not lceaning thing myself, yes the kids and the b/f noticed, complained to me about it, then he did get up and do some, but it didnt matter.
I started then doing my own laundry not his, little things like that.
Sounsd like it may be possible that is depressed too? Doesnt have the ambition? I am jsut guessing, either way, he knows he is being lazy and is ignoring it, or he really doesnt think there is anything wrong with that, and if that is the case, he wont change, so I would make him leave.
Only you know him.....
Take a night out for yourself, or a day where you do something for you, no lceaning or nithing, it nay be hard but do it, it sounds like you need a day alone for you, shopping with the girls, a night out with a few cocktails.....

Lafter

replied on August 26th, 2005

New User

Just my 2 cents worth. I've never been married, but have lived with and had some long term relationships with some great women. Part of the question to me would be, is he in love with you?, or does he just like the fact he has a steady sex partner. Let's face it ladies and gentlemen, sex partners are easy to find, but finding a friend who will work with you in this life and then share a love for each other, that can be a rare, but not impossible thing.
I believe that sacrifice and comprimise are two key elements to help you in a relatioship. But don't read into those words to dearly. When I say sacrifice, I mean if my partner is at home and the guys are asking to come out for a beer, a simple na, not today, and spend the time home with your significant other. Then the little things seem so much nicer. I will admit that some men will take a woman for granted, and become complacent in a relationship, if this is the case, I agree with some of the others, maybe you should take a break with your son, and see if it really matters to him. If it doesn't, your better off on your own.

Learn About Us

Get Help

Join In

Do More

We comply with the HONcode standard for trustworthy health
information:
verify here.

The site is not a replacement for professional medical opinion, examination, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the advice of your medical doctor or other qualified health professional before starting any new treatment or making any changes to existing treatment. Do not delay seeking or disregard medical advice based on information written by any author on this site. No health questions and information on eHealth Forum is regulated or evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration and therefore the information should not be used to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease without the supervision of a medical doctor. Posts made to these forums express the views and opinions of the author, and not the administrators, moderators, or editorial staff and hence eHealth Forum and its principals will accept no liabilities or responsibilities for the statements made. Schizophrenia health sitemap.
This page was last updated on January 1, 2009.
© 2008 eForums, Inc