I was attempting to put up a catchie subject line so you would read, but after I read it I had to laugh as i'm thinking your immediate answer might be: "well, noooooo!" ha!
Ok, I thought I would post this for whatever. I'm a guy and probably older than any body else in this forum and here's my two-cents for ya.
Sex really has -- for the most part, two purposes: (1) making babies and hopefully into a healthy home that is enriched enough that the parents are mature enough and prepared to take on that responsibility and (2) to provide intimate relational pleasure. I think I worded that correctly, hopefully. But read both of them again, they're important.
Sex when you're 16, 18, 19 etc. .... When the whole purpose is nothing more than just because it's saturday night type of thing is pretty stupid for a number of reasons; if you don't believe me, just read more of this forum and other reasons too .... And I would like to get into those:
sexual intercourse is "extremely" emotional. You have no other frontiers to explore after that. More importantly, your emotions are still very unsettled ... And if so, how are you ever to provide intimate relational pleausre at such a young age, you see?
The last thing you want to do in that regard is press the button that explodes all the emotional sensors that you have. I don't know if this makes any sense or not. When I was young I heard the exact same arguments from some others too, so, it has nothing to do w/ the times, thats a very old excuse.
I don't blame any young people of any age but I do blame the hollywood or the producers of television these days. Immediately following the 6 o'clock news we have topics of sex - that is stupid too at any age of time.
Well, ha, now that i've typed this out and read it ...... I doubt very much i'll win the war! But I think i'll post it anyway because i've been there and I know it's true. I was lucky and a lot of people will be lucky and will make it through ok. However, a huge number don't. A huge number get permanently harmed by pulling the trigger to much to soon and that's the sad part of it all.
There does come a time though when I say you can let her rip!! I'm just saying, you really need to temper it down until then. That time is a bit different for everyone but i'm sure it's after age 20. Crossing that line prior to then is sort-of like opening the breakfast food at 1p.M on friday, then what is there to do saturday morning but that's not all it's like.
It's the emotional plugs it creates that really have no place to plug into and if connections are found, they're not right because you're still changing so drastically. Here's one good of many examples: a young girl experiences sex and becomes so emotionally tied to x boy that she changes her whole life in the next 4 to 6 years .... She doesn't go to the school she would have, she doesn't take the time to devote to something she really dreamed of and was fully capable of doing because she's so, now, tied to this also changing boy, who after 5 years decides he's going to go another direction!!!!
That's a very very brief item of the power of sexual intercourse but one you need to think long and deep about. What are you're personal dreams and hopes for you? Write them down and if you can stay on track and no matter what, then maybe, just maybe, you've got the emotional maturity to make it. But any deviation is a wrong plug-in somewhere. But sexual intercourse while very young is just so stupid, you're just robbing yourself.
It is so difficult to find the right words to explain. You're walking a fine line of a huge interior bomb that can ruin you.
Have you ever seen two very young kids (boy and a girl) who are "clinging" each other and "you just have a very very strong idea they've probably had sexual intercourse" because they really do look "out of place", they cling to each other like maybe they have all the wrong plugs plugged in don't they. Their messed up with all the emotion of it all.
If your're already in that boat you can't see your ship. You need to ask honestly to someone else and if you do, they'll give you an honest answer, maybe. If not, I just did. Young kids who are clinging to each other and attempting to handle it look out of wack! Period:) did that help? Doubt it.
I see your point but i'm not sure I agree with it completely. I learned very early in life that life is all about making mistakes. My life has been one mistake right after another. When I was 16 years old I was in a minor car accident and was very upset over it. A police officer came over to me to try to calm me down and told me that most people only have on car accident in their life and that I was lucky the car accident I was in was minor. Those words got me thinking. Mistakes are life's lessons. Maybe I was meant to have that car accident so I would learn that lesson and keep me from having a worse car accident somewhere later in life. Since that day I have looked at every mistake I have made - from the minor to the severe - in that light. And even when I am an emotional wreck after a particularly bad mistake, I still sit there and think, I had to go through this this time because if I didn't, the next time would have been twice as bad. I look at each mistake as something that is saving me from making a worse mistake later.
With that in mind, I kinda agree and disagree with what you said. I think whether you have sex for the first time when you are 14 or 40 you do become emotionally attached to that person. You want to breathe the same air as they do and you think the world revolves around only them. And when it ends for whatever reason, its hard to give that up. But I think its hard to give that up because of the love you feel for them and not because of the sexual ties you have with them. There are no truer words that you never forget your first love. And I think for most people your first love is the first person you have sex with. You turn your world upside down and abandon your dreams for the love, not the sex. Sex is a by-product of the love (or sometimes what you think is love). You can't fault a person for falling in love and following their heart. Even if 6 years down the road they realize things aren't going to work out and they suddenly realize all the things they have missed out on. But what if you had to have that relationship and miss out on those things - make those mistake - so that later on you don't make a worse mistake? Maybe the lessons you have learned in that relationship will keep you from making the same mistakes in your next. I value every relationship I have ever been in, even the ones that ended horribly, because each one I have been able to walk away from knowing what I do and don't want in a relationship. My first serious relationship was with the first person I had sex with and it lasted for four years. And it ended absolutely horribly. But I learned so much about myself, so much about what I wanted out of a relationship, what kind of person I wanted to be with and it made my next relationship so much better. I didn't have to make those same mistakes again.
So I know this got kinda long and wordy but while I see your point and I think you are on the right track to some extent, I look at the same thing in a slightly different way. We all make mistakes. We all enter into a relationship at sometime in our lifes that everyone around us thinks is wrong. But you have to make your own mistakes, you have to learn your own hard lessons and one of those universal life lessons is having your first love, your first sexual experience, and realizing your mistakes and growing from them. I don't think having sex at a young age and making that person your entire world is as bad a thing as you think it is. It gives you your battle scars and makes you who you are today. After all the mistakes i've been through I wouldn't change one single experience. I'm happy with who I am today and I am who I am today because of those mistakes.
Ok-glad u had the chance 2 rant at all us 'young people' but u r generalising 2 much-do u think we all go out of a saturday nite & get pissed? No,we dont!!! I am 18 and a half,have a boyfriend of 2yrs & 7 months-we r very much in love & neither of us has been with any1 else.We plan 2 marry when we r both graudated-c,we have r heads screwed on.Its a load of rubbish that cos a girl sleeps with some1 when she's young it ruins her life!! Yes,there r many girls in the teen pregnancy forum that r like 14 & pregnant but hey,if they r happy & being supported by a partner & can raise the child,fair play 2 them! Id rather c them doing that then having abortions. U said "but sexual intercourse while very young is just so stupid, you're just robbing yourself" it doesnt rob everybody! And yes,some people do go out & sleep around & although I dont agree with that,theyre not emotionally involved in the whole sex thing cos if they were,they wouldnt do it! Ur painting quite a negative picture of young people here!!! We're not all the same.Anyway,u have ur views,i hvae mine!!!! And I respect that! Gud day 2 u!
I see what you're saying about mistakes and I agree, we can learn from our mistakes.
However, there's just one huge problem about that which was exactly my point: once that young little thing crosses that line with sexual intercourse they don't see it as a mistake.
They get all the feelings and emotions all mixed up with each other. On one hand, it felt pretty good .... Ha! That's an understatement isn't it. I'm not saying that everyone has a good experience the first time I understand some don't but the majority has a very good time but again, the problem is that the emotions get mixed up with the feel-good and there's no way to seperate them at that age and there's no way to fight it.
It's like telling the ministers daughter that her daddy is bad. How do you fight something so good? I can just hear that young girl say, "but I love him" or any one of several different lines i've heard.
This is something bigger that can't be managed at that age. The problem is and it happens left and right, I see it almost weekly in a manner of speaking. The mistake isn't identified until years later. That's the problem. Hope that helps. See ya
I think your view of young people is very sad. The way you refer to them as "young little thing" is demeaning.
You said: "i'm not saying that everyone has a good experience the first time I understand some don't but the majority has a very good time but again, the problem is that the emotions get mixed up with the feel-good and there's no way to seperate them at that age and there's no way to fight it. "
are you saying that sex and emotions shouldn't be mixed? Emotions should always be involved with sex. The act of opening yourself up to someone in such an intimate way should be chaulked full of emotion. I think if you are having sex with people you feel nothing for, then you have a serious problem.
I don't think you give young people the credit they deserve. Young people today have to deal with so much more on a day to day basis than young people had to even just 10 years ago.
What is your point here? You came here and ranted and raved but what point exactly are you trying to make? What is your purpose? All that I can see that you have accomplished is showing everyone how much you look down on younger people and your ability to demean them. Again - I think your view of young people is very sad and very misinformed.