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Wanting a Girl You Cant Have (cuz Distance Separates You)

Ok, im new and didnt know where to post this so I put it here.
I have a really strange problem that I dont know what to do about so I wanted to see if I could get some advice: every year my friends and family all go on vacation for a week to the same spot at the same time each year. The past two years there has been a girl there that I cannot get over. She is the definition of my dream girl, looks and personality wise. Both times we have done nothing more than talked minimally and traded looks and smiles with each other for the entire week. I am attracted to her and I know she is attracted to me but there is a big problem. The reason I havent approached her is because she lives about 7 hours away in a different state. I have been in the situation before where ive met a girl on a trip and we fell for each other and planned on seeing each other when we got home but ended up never seeing each other again, and that really hurt. So when I see this girl for the week each year I hold it in and prevent myself from trying to get anywhere with her as to spare myself the pain that I have been through in this situation in the past. Yet, when I get home all I can think about is her and how she makes me feel like no woman has ever made me feel before, like I know she would be perfect for me.



My question is when I see her next year should I (assuming I dont find someone else) forget about what happened in the past and see if this could work and approach her, or just forget about it and spare myself the pain of a failed long distance relationship.



Any help is greatly appreciated.


Last edited by warned05 on July 18th, 2005 07:45 PM; edited 1 time in total
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replied July 18th, 2005
Bro, I hope this doesn't sound harsh, but you should carry on with your life and stop wasting precious moments thinking about this girl. If its meant to be, it'll be. Enjoy dating another females and having fun with your friends. When you see her next trip, just think of her as a bonus to your vacation. Cherish your moments with her. If you feel like telling her how you feel next time you see you then tell her. Just don't tell her in a way that come across like your completely obsessive or desperate for her. Do you have her number or do you two only converse with each other during your vacation time?
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replied July 18th, 2005
Hey, thanks for the help. I may have given the wrong impression from my 1st post. Its not that I obsess over this girl its just that I think what if im passing up a great opportunity because im being selfish. I dont know, its complicated and I dont know what to do. I dont have her number because I never let myself get that involved, more like flirting for a week then "bye, see ya in a year". I basically dont know if its worth pursuing something that I know will be a long distance thing after having been through that before, part of me says its not worth it but part of me says you could be passing up on the right one.

Its wierd, each year I see this girl and she's in the same position each time, no bf ever and constantly showing interest in me. If someone has been in a long distance relationship that could tell me if I should just keep blowing it off or take a chance with it that would help a lot.

Sorry if this is stupid, I think it is, but I just honestly have no clue what to do with this.

Thanks
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replied July 19th, 2005
I've been in a long distance relation. 1 1/2 hours away, if you consider that long. Far enough for me. But 7 hours away? Thats rediculous in my book depending on how old you are. How old are you btw? I'm 20, so i'm just gonna assume your younger than me. If not, then correct me.

If my assumption is right and I were you; the next time I see this girl, I would tell her how I feel, but not make it too dramatic. I'll tell her that I feel a connection with her. (i always assume a female likes me until she says other wise).

If she's interested also, the feelings would be mutual. Girls rarely make the advancement or pursue a guy. That's our job. So you won't know until you try. If she interested, then she's waiting on you to follow up. Now if the feeling is mutual, then get her contacts (number, email, etc). But then that leaves you to just phone boning, all year round, which I hate. All in all, i'll tell her how I feel just to see if the feelings are mutual, but I wouldn't take it past friendship level. Besides, if you two actually do stay in contact for long while(1yr or more) just by phone and email, without getting bored of each other, then I would say its worther persuing and you'll gain a great best friend in addition.
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replied July 19th, 2005
Hey charming. Im 21 actually. The problem isnt that I need to see if she's interested in me because its pretty obvious that she is. The problem is I dont let myself pursue her because of the experience I had before. I can tell she wants me to make a move but I just dont let myself do it. At the time I tell myself to fight the urge and just get over it, but once its over I look back and wonder if I made a mistake.

I guess its kinda like seeing an old friend that you know wants you but you never really do anything about it, not becuase I dont want her but becuase im thinking about the consequences of what might happen.

Im just wondering if I should just throw those aprehensions out the window and go for it.
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replied July 20th, 2005
Long Distance Love Wors But It''s Hinged On You!
Do long distance relationship work?

Long ago when I was 14 I

would have not believed in this

"long distance relationship"and

now it is just too late to repent

and remorse this relationship

because I have a great affection

for my boyfriend.








The story unexpectedly my beloved grandfather died on august 6th, 2003 and so all of my family had catched the nearest flight to guadalajara, mexico and from there drive to our ranch. It was a great loss for all of our family when my grandpa died and because so much we respected him, we couldn’t go out to parties, clubs, or anything; that would be considered unpoliced and brutal. I stayed home all day, everyday for 2 weeks just locked in there with my cousins and for a forget and to loose all this sorrow and torment and truly hell that we had, we were curious to know what was fun all about in that small ranch so we headed down to the plaza where all the events happen. There were guys that approached me, walking up to me like they knew me, and from all of them raul was truly devine in every way. Many guys tried talking to me and asking me questions and that just bothered me because I was not like that nor did I wanted a long distance relationship. But when I met raul, it had all changed and I had changed and I had hold anything possible. I didn’t get to talk to him ever because I had to leave to the u.S. The next day early in the morning.




Then I went back on december of 2003 and I wanted to take advantage of time and place unfortunately I couldn’t because I have 3 older overprotective brothers and of course my father which they didn’t let me date. We had left a week earlier than expected when my family had found out about raul.










Anything is possible and nothing was going to stop me. We kept in contact over the internet and over the phone and he had asked me out the week after I arrived to u.S. My boyfriend and I have been going out since january 7, 2004 and it has been more of me bringing in this relationship love, trust, communication, and encouragement through the good times and the bad times. I did have doubts that he cheated on me but I taught that I was going to find out sooner or later. If he had ever cheated on me without me knowing, it was ok because I can’t do anything about it and if he was being faithful he was being grateful. I believed in myself and in him and I knew that there were 4 bases to prolong this relationship; love, trust, communication, and encouragement through the good times and the bad times. It was not like I wanted to date anybody else or like I needed a boyfriend anyways. I didn’t know what was love and with him I learned the definition of love, but did i? I was confused because I didn’t understand how I discovered love on the phone and on the internet when we barely saw each other. I know I truly love him because you don’t necessarily need to look at the person you love right in the eye everyday to love. I talked to him and his personality astonished me everyday and I have 8 months doing the l.D.R. He actually came to visit me last month to santa cruz and that gave us a chance to fill up and love each other even more. Being together brought us even closer than we already were. I believe that long distance relatonships work because min is working and I hate it when I listen to my fiends storied that thye brake up with their boyfiends just cause they are far away, that is just pathetic and it is obvious that they are playing around. I am serous of my relationship and I will with my future ones. L.D.R do work it is just hinged on who and your partner feel and how you are planning to keep in touch.
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