:shock:
what do I do? I am a stay at home mom of two little boys. One will be 3 in spetember and the other will be one yearts old in september also.. I also have a son I had to give upo for adoption when I was 15.... He will be 10 in 5 days.... I am horribly depressed. I live in a tiny one bedroom apartment with my two little boys and I feel liek I can't handle it...I was recently kicked out of the navy for being a single parent. No one wanted to help me with my boys so I could stayt in..... While I was in the service my best freindds cousin held me down and made me bleed in the wors tsort of way on thanksgiving night....The neavy sort of slid it under the carpet and ignored any problem I tried to come to them with after I was examined at medical and the secret came out.... It was supposed ot be kept confidential but it wword was spred all over theship... Then when I becasme pregnant they really said "f-- you" to me... I did get help and was prescribed celexa... My bf and I have been seperated since april of 04 and I feel like I fall apart more and more everyday...I ran out of my celexa and I can't handle day to day liufe any more.... I cry every day and soemtimes I thin if I woul djust end it all the boys woudld be better off without me.... I take pills (vicodin, percocet) on a daily basis as long wiht salcohol and pot.... But I ahve been testing my limiits with the pills...I see how many I can take after the boys go to bed to see if I still wakew up in the morining....I leav emy dor unlocked so that way if the baby starts crying to much and I ahven't woke up then the neighvorr can come in if need be and the boys will be okay.... I want them to be beeter off..I love them and I will never be able to care fo rthem I don;t think...But I can't just gi ve them away...My 2 year old..His dad is married and has 4 other kids...His wife doesn't even know that he (my son) mexists... And I don't get nothing for child support becasue I am too scared to file.... How do I go on? Ho wdo I function..I have no medical benifits any more and can't afford to see a doctor or to get new meds... I'm scard to call 911 after I tak emy pills becasue what if they show up and i'm not dead..Then I have to liove without my kids becasue they will take them away fomr me... At least if I am gone I can watch them and guide them form the other side right?..I am scared to talk to anybody I know becasue I don't want them to think I am just being "dramatic" and stop being frineds with me.... Do I makle any sense?