Do I have schizophrenia?
My bf thinks that I do....Everyday to me is a struggle to stay alive I think about suicidal thoughts alot yet I know I have so much to live for.
When I think about them though it isnt normal its like there are voices in my head for instance today I was sitting in front of the fire thinking about stuff n I swear it was like I had a school room of children in my head. I have so many voices there I cant think for myself I cant work out what they r all saying. Some days I try so hard to stop focusing on them but I cant and it makes me cry n get angry n get 'selfish'.
Well according to my partner im selfish....Sometimes I say things that I mean nicely yet he says they come out rude....It could be as simple as asking him to stop at the shop on the way home from work to get something we need yet I yell it instead of ask politely.
I neva realise it either what hurts him n makes him think im selfish I really dont think I do I see it as normal.
But the voices neva go away......They r worse when I have had an arguement with someone.
Today I had an arguement with my partner n I went to the bedroom n cried because I knew I had said somethings wrong and as soon as I started getting upset the voices came in from no where so I started banging my head against the wall.
My bf showed me this on tape once me acting like this and it reminds me of how my 2yr old daughter acts when she cracks it.
I dont feel worthy of anyone anymore.
Im really sorry this was so long but I just need someones advice.
Sometimes I see things when I close my eyes like they r actually happening....Sometimes they are nothing other times they r horrible.
I feel as though im losing my mind.
Its tearing me apart and I dont know what to do anymore I went on anti depressants cause my doctor told me I was just depressed but I fear its worse then that.
Please someone I just need some advice what do u all think?