Your situation sounds very much like the way I was in high school. I suffered terribly from low self esteem, and poor socialization skills. Partly my problem was due to add, which was not even "discovered" in my day.

Still, see a professional. I did while going through my divorce, and my couselor diagnosed me with attachment disorder. There's not a lot written about it, but the basis is a deep seated fear of abandonment. The need to please and be like everyone else comes from the lack of bonding with another at a very early age, most typically your mother. I know this was true in my case. My earliest memories are about being afraid that my parents would go somewhere and never come back. I was always the last to be picked up from places, and the waiting was agony. There's alot more to it, but I won't bore you. Still, try looking for attachment disorder on the internet. Also, take care, and be kind to yourself.

Thanks, that helps. I'm seeing a psychiatrist (again) in a couple weeks but I can't wait that long to find out what's wrong and how to fix it. I'm 20 and suppose to be in my prime, each day or weak counts.
There was definately a lack of bonding at an early age. My mom was never around, keeping the dishes clean apparently were more important than the family. My dad was never around, he has avoidant personality. My brothers never got along, oldest one kicked out a couple times and has bipolar and maybe schitzophrenia, youngest has sever tourettes and adhd, the other one is, well, he might a disorder named after him someday. Plus my mom decided to homeschool me up until grade 4, which then I was really weird, stupid (i remember being made fun of for not knowing what caffeine was), and no social skills so I obvsiously never made any 'friends', just some aquiantences i'd hang out with once in a while. I hardly ever found a partner for group work in school, usually alone at recess, and after school in my room, not to mention I was deprived of so many things. Like I wasn't allowed to watch the simpsons, plus 6 ppl and one tv was always a fight, no violent videogames like goldeneye, parents hardly ever took us out anywhere. Yeah, usually in my room alone. High school wasn't much different.
So yeah, a total lack of everything.