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Why Won't He Just Leave Me Alone?? He's Driving Me Crazy....

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July 8th, 2005
I am so stressed out with my ex, it has been almost 8 months since I finally got him to leave, but he just won't leave me alone. I am trying to move on, but not into another relationship, I am just not emotionally equipped to deal with the emotional drama of an intimate relationship.

He has not moved on either, and he has told me that he has no intentions of moving on because there is only one woman for him. The five year that we were together, I never got to know who he was, I just learned to deal with his addictions and his phony-ness in front of other people. I tried and tried to make it work, but I just couldn't do it anymore.

Now, here we are, he moved down the block from me and is over almost everyday (we have a son together) saying he just wants to spend time with our son, but while he is playing he stares at me. Sometimes I fear that he will just snap, cause "they" say it is the quiet ones you have to worry about. I recently got him to admit that he has thought of killing me. Why? To help me understand the way he sometimes looks at me when he thinks I can't see him, and he told me that he thinks like that sometimes because I gave him family, love and security, and now it is all gone...Literally.

How can I make him respect my wishes to just leave us alone. I offered weekends with his son, cause I work and my son goes to daycare, and I don't even want child support...I've been managing on my own all these years (with him holding down the couch in case of a tornado), and daycare is a reliable source of care for my child. Just recently I moved away from him, again, and he is here everyday. I don't want to get mad in front of my child anymore, and he takes advantage of this by staying until I have to physically oust him . Do I have to move again, and not tell him where I am going? Should I just move far away? I don't want to run, but I am tired of being too nice to him for the sake of our son. I just want to be happy, on my own terms, and he doesn't want to give me the space to do so. How can I get him to just leave me alone???? :?
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nelda
replied October 27th, 2005
What a terrible situation to be in. Could you get a restraining order against him? The restraining order would be registered with the courts and he would be arrested if he came around you.
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Pilleus
replied October 28th, 2005
Experienced User
Gosh that's so terrible. Like nelda said a restraining order would be a good thing, but distance would be better. Especially for your son. You sound like a responsible and intelligent woman who can take care of herself. Is there any opportunity for a transfer with your employer? Most companies will pay the moving expenses.
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Jennifer23
replied October 29th, 2005
Experienced User
Maybe you should move to a different place and cover your tracks so he can't figure out where you live. Then, when it's time for him to see y'alls child, you can meet in a public place, like a restaurant or something (so there's no chance of anything happening since you guys won't be alone).
I mean, is he a good father to your son? If he is, then you don't want to take him away from your son because it could hurt him in the future. But, if he's not really being a good father then it may be the best thing for your son. Know what I mean, jellybean?

If all else fails, then I would suggest getting a restraining order like nelda and pilleus said. You have to put you and your son first!

Good luck! I wish you all the best :-)
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lovinmom4
replied November 8th, 2005
Be Careful
First of all, if he has admitted thoughts of killing you, I would be extemely careful. Do not take this lightly. Go to the police, an attorney, someone and let them know about his thoughts of killing you. I do think a restraining order is what you need. He should only be allowed what the courts say he is allowed when it comes to visitation.....And it certainly is not every day. Your child will probably not be allowed around him if the courts knew of is "killing thoughts". Do something about it, dont wait. It happens all the time. Best of luck to you and your child.
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shanti1
replied November 13th, 2005
Experienced User
Speak to a Counselor At a Women's Shelter For Free Advice
Sounds like you got great advice from these intelligent people that just posted here. You do seem intelligent, have self esteem, independent, working, trying to include the father in your child's life.
Bless you heart!!!
I would suggest contacting a shelter for abused women,children
for a threat like that is abuse,
or some organization in your area like that, in terms of talking to a counselor there for free, in regards on what to do and getting some emotional support.
Best wishes!
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