don't worry, this site is for people to help you, not to judge you and tell you tuff like that.
Whew! You seem to have gone through a lot. Let me just say that if you have survived through all of this you are very brave and determined...Please don't try to kill yourslef. There are much better things in life. Have you heard the saying "it has to get worse before it gets better"? I think your situation is terrible but now the only thing that can happen is to get better.
I think you can really benfeit from seeing a counselor or a therapist. You mentioned you used to see one so why not go back? They would help you so much.
Take care of yourself, keep you chin up and keep me posted on how you are.
|have you gone to english classes...I heard they could help with your grammer|