Hi ya
please dont judge me! Im 15! When I was 13 I was over weight 15 1/2 stone and I thourght I was ugly I stoped eating propally, I was getting bullied , I started smoking, got in wid the wrong crowd n started drinkin its not as bad as it may sound! But wid this crowd I found guys started to like me but I didnt like them I ended up goin out wid them n doin stuff tho! It made me a bit happer knowin ppl liked me but then worse for feelin like a promiscuous person! I started self harming! The bulling got worse n the crwed turned on me as I tryed to stop smokin and drinkin one boy thretend me, held me down n burnt me wid a lighter thats when I knew I hat 2 get out of that crowd so I hangd around wid differend ppl I didnt tell them about my past for a long time but when I did they told ppl and soon it was all round school the bulling got worse and so did the smokin, self harmin and eatin habbits I got down to 10 stone! But I have stretch marks and flabin skin where I lost it so rapidly! Sum1 told a teatcher I was self harmin, I was so low I tryed killin myself several times and hat 2 see a councerler!


Then my friend set me up with her m8 I fell for him badly we did loads of stuff and then when I thourght I cud trust him I opend up 2 him a bit and told him what was goin on in my head big mistake! I tryd to make it work I stopd everything he told me 2 but I cudnt stop self harmin becuase I felt I wasnt gud enough 4 him but he didnt no that was y I was doin it! He dumpd me n said its better this way n never talkd 2 me agan, he didnt answere my letters or txts, I lost it, it was just before x-mas n there was loads of drink so I drunk 2 much n scared my family coz I stopd breathin n stuff!

At school every1 called me a syco n one girl grabd hold of my arms draggin me round showin every1 my wrists after that I tryd so hard n a cupple of mounths later I stoped self-harming and showin my depression I am fake and bottle things up agan I havnt found away 2 realse my pain in away that dosent effect other ppl or hurt my self!

My head is so full of thourghts it hurts! But every1 has now kinda forgotten about my past and has made friends wid the fake me no1 is aware there is stil pane inside me! I feel I have no1 I can trust or talk 2 and no way of realsein my pane iv just had exams n my stress leveles are high I still feel I want to die but have lernt to smile through everything! Plz help and if any1 can relate plz talk 2 me. I need advice I feel really screwd up sorry iv sed like my hole life story!