Sexual Health - Women Forum - My Boyfriend Lacks Skills In the Sac

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Q: My Boyfriend Lacks Skills In the Sac

asked by: minerwater on November 17th, 2003

Experienced User

Hello,

please help me with suggestions how to tell my boyfriend (without it being a hostile situation) that his skills in bed are not arrousing me and i've become disinterested in sex.
He thinks it's that I dont' find him desireable and sex, and handsome, etc..
I told him long ago that he needs to work on me more to get aroused.
Now the problem is, he really sucks and I just dont' want it anymore.
If you had this problem, you'd know how much of a problem it becomes in a relationship. I just dont want anything to do with him, sexually.
And i'm tired of pleaseing him when he hasn;t given me an "o" in months! It's just really irritating to constantly give in a hand job or what ever (which takes for ever) and I get squat! I'm just bitter because i'm fed up of getting nothing out of it all.

Please, please advise how I can tell him gently that is constructive and not blaming.

Replies(11)

TangerineSpeedo

replied on November 18th, 2003

New User

Maybe This Will Help?...i Hope

Hey hun, I totally understand. Well, I empathize. I go through periods where I don't want my boyfriend to touch me either. You know, if I was in your situation, I would maybe research methods or things you would like done to you and maybe print them out or if they are in a magazine and buy/wear a cute outfit, or one you know he thinks you look hot in, and when he tries to start stuff backoff and say, "not until you can give me this," and show him what you mean (ie magazine/research). It's not outright mean, flaunt yourself and then don't give into him until he knows exactly what he needs to do. Sadly, to do that you might have to research and shove it in his face so he gets it. If worse comes to worse I would tell him flat out. It gets irritating. Anyway, good luck! Wink

minerwater

replied on November 18th, 2003

Experienced User

Yes, I think I have to be more blunt. It's just akward in the middle of something to be like "no, like this".
It's not that he's not doing things to me, he just doesn't know how to do
it well. I dont orgasim orally or manually because he doesn't know what to do. I try to direct him but mosty it doesnt' work.

I donno what to do cause our sex life sucks and has become almost non-existant because of it.

babygirl2681

replied on November 19th, 2003

New User

Miner...

I also understand were you are coming from. I had a boyfriend a long time ago who didn't know what he was doing...So one night before he started doing his thing with me...I gave him an anatomy lesson right there on the spot. I showed him where everything was on me (because some girls can be a little different) and told him how to do it and what turned me on...From then on the sex was great. However, it doesn't even begin to compare to my now fiance because I can't get enough of him. But that's another topic.
Sometimes you have to be blunt to get what you want...And you don't have to be mean about it.

Good luck,
babygirl

sarahauntie

replied on November 20th, 2003

Experienced User

Have You Tried...?

I think you should tell him exactly what you want him to do step by step. I mean while you guys are in bed, make it like a game of simone says! :d
he could get a lesson, and it could be really fun, just don't make it sound like the marines or anything. Keep it light and have fun! Maybe you could connect it to some sort of school boy fantasy if he's had one.

Good luck!

Sarah

philasheo

replied on November 22nd, 2003

New User

Sumtimes we guys need a road map. But seriously, if ur guy cant or wont help you out in this situation it wont get better. Have a serious heart to heart with him and explain u need the orgasm also. As some of the others have said explain to him what you want and lead him by the hand so to speak. Good luck!

redrose

replied on November 24th, 2003

New User

Deleted

minerwater

replied on November 24th, 2003

Experienced User

Thanks to everyone..I do have to be...I just feel like i'm critisizing to stop and be like, 'hey, we need to fix this little problem that you don't please me"..
And he's so lazy in bed too...I donno...It just feels hopeles..

bellybluesun

replied on November 29th, 2003

New User

Hey! This might sound a little mean, but don't give him any. Make him aware of why too. Arouse him and then don't do anything. When he asks why you are doing that, tell him its because thats how you feel. You aren't getting anything out of it. Also, I like the research idea...Try watching an adult movie together, and try to do what they are doing. He might get the picture without you hurting his feelings while still being blunt.

minerwater

replied on December 1st, 2003

Experienced User

Ends up this friday we talked about it...No, how do you say, argued about it. It took him too many times to understand that he's being selfish and by the end, he understood finally that we have to solve this and how. So, we'll be working on it. I have to be more vocal too..I cannot place all blame on him.

Bru

replied on December 17th, 2003

New User

Hi, new user here. I am glad to hear u are working on it. As I was reading the earlier posts I was thinking "she's got to be more direct with him". I think he'll get the hang of it.

Intimate communication in a non threatening way will only help give you a stronger relationship.

minerwater

replied on December 17th, 2003

Experienced User

Bru - this is true..It's just a frustrating ordeal.

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