My Boyfriend Lacks Skills In the Sac Posted: 11-17-03 10:15am
Hello,
please help me with suggestions how to
tell my boyfriend (without it being a
hostile situation) that his skills in bed
are not arrousing me and i've become
disinterested in sex.
He thinks it's that I dont' find him
desireable and sex, and handsome, etc..
I told him long ago that he needs to work
on me more to get aroused.
Now the problem is, he really sucks and I
just dont' want it anymore.
If you had this problem, you'd know how
much of a problem it becomes in a
relationship. I just dont want anything
to do with him, sexually.
And i'm tired of pleaseing him when he
hasn;t given me an "o" in months! It's
just really irritating to constantly give
in a hand job or what ever (which takes
for ever) and I get squat! I'm just
bitter because i'm fed up of getting
nothing out of it all.
Please, please advise how I can tell him
gently that is constructive and not
blaming.
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TangerineSpeedo
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Nov 2003 Posts: 16
Maybe This Will Help?...i Hope Posted: 11-18-03 00:37am
Hey hun, I totally understand. Well, I
empathize. I go through periods where I
don't want my boyfriend to touch me
either. You know, if I was in your
situation, I would maybe research methods
or things you would like done to you and
maybe print them out or if they are in a
magazine and buy/wear a cute outfit, or
one you know he thinks you look hot in,
and when he tries to start stuff backoff
and say, "not until you can give me this,"
and show him what you mean (ie
magazine/research). It's not outright
mean, flaunt yourself and then don't give
into him until he knows exactly what he
needs to do. Sadly, to do that you might
have to research and shove it in his face
so he gets it. If worse comes to worse I
would tell him flat out. It gets
irritating. Anyway, good luck!
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minerwater
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Oct 2003 Posts: 153 Location: Canada
Posted: 11-18-03 08:02am
Yes, I think I have to be more blunt.
It's just akward in the middle of
something to be like "no, like this".
It's not that he's not doing things to me,
he just doesn't know how to do
it well. I dont orgasim orally or
manually because he doesn't know what to
do. I try to direct him but mosty it
doesnt' work.
I donno what to do cause our sex life
sucks and has become almost non-existant
because of it.
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babygirl2681
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 Nov 2003 Posts: 31 Location: USA
Miner... Posted: 11-19-03 11:34am
I also understand were you are coming
from. I had a boyfriend a long time ago
who didn't know what he was doing...So one
night before he started doing his thing
with me...I gave him an anatomy lesson
right there on the spot. I showed him
where everything was on me (because some
girls can be a little different) and told
him how to do it and what turned me
on...From then on the sex was great.
However, it doesn't even begin to compare
to my now fiance because I can't get
enough of him. But that's another
topic.
Sometimes you have to be blunt to get what
you want...And you don't have to be mean
about it.
Good luck,
babygirl
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sarahauntie
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 08 Oct 2003 Posts: 54 Location: St. Louis, Mo
Have You Tried...? Posted: 11-20-03 14:25pm
I think you should tell him exactly what
you want him to do step by step. I mean
while you guys are in bed, make it like a
game of simone says! :d
he could get a lesson, and it could be
really fun, just don't make it sound like
the marines or anything. Keep it light
and have fun! Maybe you could connect it
to some sort of school boy fantasy if he's
had one.
Good luck!
Sarah
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philasheo
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Nov 2003 Posts: 12 Location: vbva
Posted: 11-22-03 17:03pm
Sumtimes we guys need a road map. But
seriously, if ur guy cant or wont help you
out in this situation it wont get better.
Have a serious heart to heart with him
and explain u need the orgasm also. As
some of the others have said explain to
him what you want and lead him by the hand
so to speak. Good luck!
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redrose
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 19 Nov 2003 Posts: 47
Posted: 11-24-03 10:32am
Deleted
Last edited by redrose on 01-02-04 13:20pm; edited 1 time in total
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minerwater
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Oct 2003 Posts: 153 Location: Canada
Posted: 11-24-03 12:10pm
Thanks to everyone..I do have to be...I
just feel like i'm critisizing to stop and
be like, 'hey, we need to fix this little
problem that you don't please me"..
And he's so lazy in bed too...I donno...It
just feels hopeles..
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bellybluesun
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 07 Nov 2003 Posts: 34 Location: Georgia
Posted: 11-29-03 13:01pm
Hey! This might sound a little mean, but
don't give him any. Make him aware of why
too. Arouse him and then don't do
anything. When he asks why you are doing
that, tell him its because thats how you
feel. You aren't getting anything out of
it. Also, I like the research idea...Try
watching an adult movie together, and try
to do what they are doing. He might get
the picture without you hurting his
feelings while still being blunt.
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minerwater
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Oct 2003 Posts: 153 Location: Canada
Posted: 12-01-03 07:42am
Ends up this friday we talked about
it...No, how do you say, argued about it.
It took him too many times to understand
that he's being selfish and by the end, he
understood finally that we have to solve
this and how. So, we'll be working on it.
I have to be more vocal too..I cannot
place all blame on him.
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Bru
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Dec 2003 Posts: 1 Location: USA
Posted: 12-17-03 00:21am
Hi, new user here. I am glad to hear
u are working on it. As I was reading
the earlier posts I was thinking "she's
got to be more direct with him". I
think he'll get the hang of it.
Intimate communication in a non
threatening way will only help give you a
stronger relationship.
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minerwater
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Oct 2003 Posts: 153 Location: Canada
Posted: 12-17-03 09:28am
Bru - this is true..It's just a
frustrating ordeal.
