Think I'm Pregnant & My Husband Is Having An Episode! Posted: 06-29-05 18:46pm
I could really use some help. I'm 32
years old & have been with my bi-polar
husband for 13 years. Believe me, we've
been thru it all. Hospitalization,
separation, counseling, different
medications, etc. After the marriage
counseling about 2 years ago, things were
going great. We moved into a new house
which is totally our dream house. We
have decent jobs -- my husband has a job
he loves for the first time in his life,
we have a great dog, the house, etc.
Everything really fell into place. We
finally decided to start trying to have
kids & we had a miscarriage which was
heartbreaking. We finally recovered from
that & then started trying again. I
think I am pregnant & we are having
the worst 2 weeks ever!! I really need
help. I feel like i;m living a lie,
trying to fit the normal life mold but we
will never have a normal life.
2 weeks ago, my husband had a "temper
tantrum" when our bbq grill would not work
on father's day when our families were
coming over for bbq. Not only did he
kick the grill and yell at my mother, he
left & did not come back until
everyone left!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was
devistated but put on the happy face for
the entire day while I cooked for 12 on
the george forman grill.
Life has been horrible ever since. He is
in a deep depression & will not go see
a therapist. His regular Dr. Increased
his paxil but he needs to see a therapist
-- and fast! Tonight he hung up on me
for no reason, then when I came home he
yelled at me, accused me of antagonizing
him, he called me the most horrible name I
can even think of -- one I wouldn't even
say to myself. Now, he has left to stay
at a hotel. I am so upset & hurt.
I still can't handle this after all these
years plus add that I may be pregnant. I
can't talk to anyone about this, so I live
a lie. Pleae give me some advise.
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sandyallen
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Feb 2004 Posts: 4580
Posted: 06-29-05 19:11pm
Hi there! Sorry that you must go through
so much bad stuff, when you should be
going through happy times. Have you told
him you might be pregnant? You need to
find out for sure and get your pre-natal
care started, so see a dr as soon as
possible, then you must decide what you
need to do. Their are a lot of groups and
such that will help you to make the best
decisions. Do not take any mental or
physical abuse from this guy, you are
better then that. Get some help!
Sincerely,
sandy
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philly_girl
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 29 Jun 2005 Posts: 2
Posted: 06-29-05 19:29pm
Sandy- thanks for your response.
Yes, I did tell him I might be pregnant
but he doesn't seem to care right now.
It's so hard because he is a great guy
& I try to tell him that he is not
acting like himself but he is like a
different person. It is such a shame. I
want to help him & I try but lets face
it, i'm not a trained psychiatrist &
can only do so much.
What stinks is that we were so close to
breaking up before -- before the thougth
of kids was even in the picture -- now
what??
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shanti1
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Dec 2004 Posts: 87
My Heart Goes Out to You, I Send Prayers Posted: 06-29-05 21:26pm
Hello dear,
my heart sincerely goes out to you, I am
sending you a hug
bipolar disorder is indeed such a shame,
that is why I said so many times with my
now exboyfriend who has bipolar.
He can be the greatest most loving guy and
then hours later on one day
something bothers him, as life is not
perfect for anyone, and holy heck can
errupt
lately he had been taking his anger out on
me. So I had to leave him for good this
time.
I started screaming, being loud, because I
could not hold it in anymore.
It is so hard, to be in love with someone
with this disorder
medicine, dr appointments, the whole
experience, the rollar coaster ride,
it is beyoned words, indeed, this should
be such a happy, joyous fun exciting times
of your life!
I don't know what to say
except I will pray for you, I can relate
a little bit to your situation
i wish bipolar disorder, or any mood
disorder never existed on this planet,
life is so hard as it is.....
Much peace,
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Philly Boy
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Nov 2005 Posts: 4
Posted: 11-01-05 02:59am
Philly_girl and I have now seperated after
I was hospitalized on two occasions this
summer.
I read a lot of you who's advice is to
simply give up and move on.... Thanks
for nothing, 14 years of my life is now
lost. I don't blame you, but I just
don't see much balance around here.
Last edited by Philly Boy on 12-07-05 10:54am; edited 1 time in total
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DSmith529
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Oct 2005 Posts: 59
How Are You Feeling These Days Philly-girl? Posted: 11-02-05 10:20am
Let's see, hopefully you are entering your
second trimester which usually feels
great!
Enjoy a walk in the park, it's so lovely
this week on the east coast.
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Philly Boy
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Nov 2005 Posts: 4
Posted: 12-07-05 10:52am
Just an update....
Did I care if she was pregnant? Of
course, but three home tests said
otherwise, and she refused to go to the
doctor.
Did I have a tantrum and wreck the grill?
Yes, but having a father's day bbq only a
few short weeks after she had a
miscarriage was the pinnacle of bad ideas.
"hi dad, guess what? My kid died in
the womb.... Would you like cheese on
your burger?"
i have been going to counseling, psychs,
and taking meds as prescribed..... She
refuses to go to couples counseling.
I have made mistakes as a result of bp, I
desperately want to correct them.... She
will not give me the chance.
I'm doing everything I can to manage my
illness, she is telling me to go f**k
myself. I'm having a hard time viewing
her a good person lately. Good people
don't lock their mentally ill husbands out
of the house.
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mommyinmay
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Dec 2005 Posts: 5 Location: New York
Posted: 12-10-05 01:56am
Hi there. I just wanted to tell you that
I can totally understand you perspective.
I am bipolar type 2 and currently 18 weeks
pregnant too. So talk about a total
emotional mess! :shock:
some days I cry all the time, some days I
am so up. Mostly I have been down though,
and still taking my wellbutrin, but non of
the mood stabilizers any more or the xanax
either for panic and anxiety.
My husband refuses to take my bipolar
seriously, like it is all in my head and I
can just 'snap out of it' and get up and
function. I go to counsiling, and beg him
to go, but he won't. It's like what
little progress that I am making in
counsiling is totally undone by him after
I get home.
I have asked myself a lot lately if I made
a mistake by marrying him and should I
just quit now and get a divorce....We
already have one baby 17 mos old, and
another on the way. I love him too much
to just quit, but I need his support to
live with my bipolar, and he does nothing
to help me through it. Very
uncompassionate.
Sorry for the rant, just wanted you to
know that I understand some of the things
you are going through (husband) and that
you are not alone out there. Keep strong,
and keep faith in yourself.
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CelticJenn
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 19 Jan 2006 Posts: 13 Location: NorthWest
Posted: 01-19-06 19:14pm
Hello,
i have been with my husband for 5 years.
He is bi-polar, and we have constant ups
and downs.
All I can say is that I relate completely,
and it sucks that there are so many people
going through this, and yet we feel so
alone.
At the flip of a switch everything can be
super awesome then out of nowhere, the
looks, the name calling the swearing, the
grabbing, the threatening to force me out
without the kids, like a bomb.
He unplugs the phone so I cannot call
anyone. But he never laid a hand on me.
When I ask if he takes his medication it
stresses him out and its ok for him to
yell at me because everyone understands
what he's going through.
It is the most gut wrenching stressful
thing to deal with.
I always utter under my breath oh my god
this is such a waste of time.
But when things are good, the kids are
happy, and things are great.
We have two small kids, a little girl
she's 3 and our son he just turned 1.
He's been in therapy for a good year, and
on medication but they have to keep
changing the doses because he has a ton of
health issues too.
Sigh.
My heart goes out to all of you, who
either are bi-polar or have a loved one
who is. I can say for sure it isn't easy.
On either end.
I know I love my husband, so much, and
care about him, and I know this family
means everything to him.
I think the best thing is to just be here,
by his side, he knows he can't control how
he feels or how he behaves, for the most
part, and he tries. He knows he hurts me
emotionally.... So what we do, is go over
his counceling together, recap what they
talked about, and come up with new ways of
coping.
Just remembering, when things get
stressful (and it seems like everything is
stressful) to just take a deep breath, and
do something to wind down until he feels
better, have a cup of tea, and try again.
We paint together, and oddly enough that
is better than therapy =)
he does not work now, as he is on
disability, at the point where he just
can't handle anything and it's sad because
we're only 26.
Him being home with the children is very
good for him. I just see it from both
perspective. I am hurt constantly from
his random bouts, and yet he has a ton of
support, and I have to be sympathetic to
the fact that i'm his rock,. And that's
the hardest thing for me as the wife, to
be the rock. Its hard for me to accept
the fact that I have to be the one doing
everything.. Its hard!!!
I'm jennifer. I hope any of this makes
sense.
