Sex Problem.....

You don't be relaxed if he doesn't relax you, plain and simple. You can only do so much on your own... "wanting" to be relaxed is one thing, but actually becoming relaxed is something he needs to help with. He needs to take things very slow, lots of foreplay, turning you on in advance, and use lots of lubricant. Right now it seems like having sex is more of a "job" to the two of you, where's the passion and intimacy?... When you get to that point, having sex is no longer an issues, because instead, you'll be making love. And really, that's what will have you the most relaxed and willing. So take your time, don't rush, and when you're ready and relaxed, you'll let him know. Stop pushing it... Make sure your first time together is a memorable and positive experience.

I agree with the above post, you cant force yourself to be relaxed, something has to help you to be relax, but your so tensed up about maybe not knowing whats going on or feeling rushed that your not able to be turned on and enjoy it. I definatly suggest talking to him and telling him you want to be sexually intimate with him but you two need to become more comforble sexually, I think by him maybe going down on you (if your not too uncomfortble with it, some women are) it will definatly turn you on as I find it pleasurable, and will lubricate you, and you should become a lot more relaxed down there which will be easier for him to get inside. Foreplay is very important, and it helps for you two to bond more and explore each others bodies, get to know each other sexually, but your boyfriend isnt going to understand how to please you unless you tell him! : ) best of luck

Try telling him how you feel that may help you relax, but you may tell him the times you almost got raped as that my be that cause of you felling slightly uncomfotable
good luck
lisa

You could always try having him finger you so you will loosen up!

Yeah, already done all that..I think we just didnt fool around enough before.

Hello ilovethebeach, the thing about making love is making love before the joining/penetration. This usually starts early in the day or the day before. Things like gentle touching without the anxiety of it leading to sex right at that moment. Being romanced throughout the day, i.E. Phone calls telling each other how much you miss them, or just wanting to say hi, etc...Him touching your arm, neck etc...Without thinking-oh we are about to hop into the sack actually makes you want to hop in it later that evening. When you experience a rape or almost rape, it puts you in the mindset of " I cannot enjoy this"! I cannot let this feel good. What happens is, your mind has this mental block not for just that one time but each time you attempt to have sex/make love. But you have to get rid of the block and understand it is okay to feel good, it is okay to relax and enjoy what your body is experiencing. Not only is it okay ilovethebeach but it is normal, natural and part of being human. So tell your mind to go to hell, tell whoever in your mind from when you were a child: mom, grandma, aunt etc....They are enjoying or have enjoyed the experience of being with someone they loved and step back and let you enjoy it because they were wrong to try to make you feel it was a bad thing! When you are with him take deep breaths, slowly exhale think about only him and what you are feeling at the moment. Not what you should be feeling or what he will think of you tomorrow. Be selfish if need to be for the moment and think only of the moment and what you are feeling/experiencing. Think about how much you like him. If negative thoughts pop up, stop, breath, push them aside, close your eyes and feel only the moment.......Goodluck!