|it's no wonder you feal so terrable after having such a traumatis childhood. With issues as complex as these I dont think any of us are in a position to give you advice. I might recamend therapy. It would allow you to work through you issues and perhaps allow you to just get on with your life. If your father isnt helping perhaps speak to someone else, like a teacher and see if they can arrange somethign for you.
I know it is difficult for you but please hang in there, there is light at the end of the tunnel!