Bipolar Boyfriend Acted So Crazy, Had to Leave Him, So Sad Posted: 06-24-05 18:11pm
I was just reading other comments of
bipolar
it is raining here
it matches my mood :cry:
my ex boyfriend who has bipolar, a
rollarcoaster experience
i know you have to work at love
but this was unhealthy
i wasted too many months with him, despite
everything positive about him, he is a
lunatic at times
a different, mean, volatile person
he shows the world how nice he is 99% of
the time
while moments before at home or in the
car, usually in the car when he is
driving, he will yell at me
accuse me of things that are so obusrd, I
never cheated on him, never gave him a
reason
and he will construct all these stories in
his head
that I did,
somehow I sneaked off in a hotel and slept
with someone and came back in the room
i mean, what the heck?????
I am 60pounds overweight, I am not some
prize
which is beside the point
so abusrd, how can anyone be two different
people
one so nice and sweet, charming, romantic,
giving, considerate, generous kind, funny,
smart
and the other, mean, lying, manipuating,
laying guilt trips
broke my purse strap, accusing me of
things that I have never done in my life,
prior to him
i have a few drinks at his house
a few beers at my house, two beer maxium
at a time
and he is sending me emails that I am an
alcoholic
and that I am a drug addict
cause I took 4 zanax one each day
cause I am stressed out from him and all
and he says I am an addict when he was
smoking pot all the time for months, he
stopped, but I don't know what he all
does.....
He is out of my life forever now, I hope
he won't stalk me
phone or email me
god, help me
bipolar disorder sucks, in my eyes.
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BPjoe23
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Oct 2005 Posts: 111 Location: dfw tx
God Good Posted: 10-11-05 20:39pm
God good people are you forgeting most of
these people have a mental illness. Will
if bipolar disorder sucks, then you suck.
Bipolar disorder is not cureable but
treatable with meds.. People need to
learn how to work things out, and if you
know there bipolar and know what bipolar
is. Then you know what you got your self
in to,and should be all bla bla bla bla.
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huffmom
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 14 Nov 2005 Posts: 8 Location: maine
Re: Bipolar Boyfriend Acted So Crazy, Had to Leave Him, So S Posted: 11-14-05 20:03pm
Hi
my name is cassie and I have already
found so many girls who have gone through
what I have gone through and am still
going through what upset me was your bash
to yourself even if you are 60 pounds over
weight don't down yourself. Bipolar
people have no rational resoning for what
they do they just act because that is what
there mind is telling them to do even
though the stuff they do is out of wack a
bizzare that is there way of dealing with
there emotins when thay are unmedicated.
I unfortunetly by fortunetly (i no that
makes no sense) I had a child with my
bipolar boyfriend even though I will never
regret my child I sometimes wish it was
with someone who was more stable my life
has been nothing but crazy mixed up
turmoil with many loop de loops and flip
flops. I am so dizy that I don't think
my mind will never stop spinning trying to
figure out and put reason to his random
but traceable behavior I know this doesn't
make sense but living with a bipolar
person life never makes sense. I have
tried to figure him out change habbits
behaviors and ways but it still will never
be different unless they seek help. If
he continues to go unmedicated as the
years progress it will only get worse and
the more stress you add to there life it
will only get worse. Bipolar people have
a hard time dealing with there emotions
there mind is constantly running even when
manic or depressed and at times they will
want to tell out everything and be your
best friend to hating you being there
mortal enemy. And no matter what I do to
make my boyfriend leave he won't and the
fact I have his son means I am to have to
deal with this for the next 18 years of my
life so sadly I must do what I have to do
that will best benefit my son hopefully he
isn't affected. Bipolar is a very hard
thing to diagnois because it is often
mistaken with many other dieseses so often
times it isn't even medicated correctly
the only person who really knows is you
and the dr study his behavior write down
his moods actions and different
personalitys be percise and go to the dr
yourself. I kept a journal of my bf's
actions for two years already knowing he
was bipolar since he was diagnoised since
12 I never fully understood the illness
untill I went back and read my work and
did my own research and his dr was amazed
by journal that is the best advice I can
give just talk to people and read and read
and read. The more you know the better
you are at somewhat understanding that is
going on in there mind and even though
there isn't much relief in that at least
there is some
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MomToSoonThree
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 26 Nov 2005 Posts: 6 Location: Mo
Re: God Good Posted: 11-26-05 05:56am
nm
Last edited by MomToSoonThree on 04-25-07 20:05pm; edited 1 time in total
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huffmom
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 14 Nov 2005 Posts: 8 Location: maine
Re: God Good Posted: 11-26-05 20:33pm
Dear bpjoe23
I don't think I have ever read
anything so rude. You don't know me or
my story so don't pretend like you know
all of what is going on. People who
don't have a mental illness often have a
hard time grasping what bipolor is because
it is a very difficult thing to
understand. In the past two years
almost three I have been beaten, battered,
raped, hold against the wall by my
throught at 4 months pregnent. My life
and at the time the life of my unborn
son's life threatened. With absolutley
no resonable excuse why he did these
things he can't tell me why he attacks me
he says he just feels that he can because
I am there!! My life is constantly
plagued by the constant love hate vibe he
brings into our relationship! I live in
constant fear of him because I never know
what kind of reaction will pop up next!
That is no why to live my life or bring a
chid up in that enviroment either. I
finally got the nerve to put a protection
of abuse order after he attacked me and
was holding me down hitting me with a shoe
while I held me 3 week old son at the time
shaken crying and screaming praying for
him to stop that he would harm the baby
while my son lay innocently in my arms
screaming! You say god good I say take
a closer look obviously taking meds is
what needs to be done but you can't force
someone to take there meds I have tried
every method! He feels he has no
problem and that he can be cured by self
medicating on drugs which leads him to lie
cheat steal and have drug dealers calling
my phone all hours of the night making
threats, while I sit home alone at night
with my child hoping he is safe and out of
harms way not knowing when he will come
home or even if he will make it home.
Even when I got the pfa the threats didn't
stop I was recieving phone calls and
threats from friends saying that he was
waiting! I was able to win my case I
have my son for the next two years richard
is only allowed to have supervised contact
with that of the minor child and I am
currently going through the process of
parental rights and responsibilites. My
child is young and innocent and deserves a
chance at a full and happy life untainted
by that of his unstable mentally and
physically abusive father! It took me a
long time to develop the courage because
for a long time I thought everything was
my fault and that I needed to work harder
to make things work at one point in time
before I was pregnent I worked a 40 hours
week to give my paycheck to him to party
away with while he sat at our friends home
who we stayed with and selpt till 3 in the
afternoon and when I came hoem I would
prepare dinner and serve it to him I was
his living servent this went on for about
a year, but I was young and dumb and
thought I was in love for he was my first
kiss, boyfriend, sexual experience was
with him. Then finally after all that
and he began to physically abuse me and
not just mentally abuse me and began
cheating on me when I realized this isn't
love for true love should not hurt.
Then all to soon I found out I was
pregnent when I left him he begged me to
take him back because he wanted to be a
"father" so for the duration of my
pregnency life was perfect for he went
back on his meds then he stopped and said
that if I loved him that I will except him
for who he is and learn to deal with it.
So bpjoe for someone like yourself who
has bp you have a hard time understanding
us well just remember we have a hard time
understanding you. So before you down
us again for complaining just put this
into consideration we are lost and looking
for help to find answers and just some
ears to listen for the ears we want to
confide in we can't talk to because there
thoughts aren't that of a normal person.
We care and without the people like us who
put up with it you bi polor people you
would be sad and lonely. You expect us
to educate ourselves on this illness and
prepare ourselves like we are supposed to
expect it!! Life is unexpected and even
though you make the cure sound oh so
simple in actualality it isn't that simple
for people who aren't ready to accept the
fact and probably wil never except the
fact willingly accept that they are
mentally ill and need to take a pill for
it the rest of there life! I hope you
read what I have written carefully and
don't take offense but educate yourself on
what we go through I hope you understand
thank-you
cassie
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firefly09
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Oct 2005 Posts: 45 Location: UK
Posted: 11-27-05 12:00pm
Firstly, I would like to point out that I
am bipolar, I never verbally abuse people,
hit anyone, threaten anyone or lie or
steal (though had told hte occasional
white lie like everyone). If that is how
you judge a bipolar person, then you are
showing exactly what you know about the
illness..... Nothing.
I dont expect anyone to go out and learn
about the illness I have, I couldnt care
less,,,,,, and I do not take medication.
The reason I dont take medication is
because its vert difficult to find the
right medication, can sometimes take
months, and also because there are bad
side effects.
At the moment im trying to control my mood
swings with psychotherpy, which helps me
discover what triggers the ups and downs
and how to deal with them
please dont put us all in the same boat as
your ex boyfriend
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huffmom
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 14 Nov 2005 Posts: 8 Location: maine
Who Can Help Posted: 11-27-05 13:06pm
You don't get it either I know three other
people who are bipolor one is type 2 and
the other 2 are are type 1 they are all
completly different but they all medicate
in some way my ex bf is type one which
means more mania less depression and his
mania is more severe and violent!
Everyone is different I not saying you are
all the same which was my point duh! That
is why I said you don't now my story or
what I have been through. And don't tell
me about finding the right medications
because my ex was literally a lab rat
since he was 6 especially when he was in
the states care he has been on a total of
46 different meds some of which left him
hospitalized I know medications can be
tricky but at least you seek alterior
solutions where my ex refuses to realize
that he has any problem what so ever! I
am at a loss even more afraid for my son
for what if he is bipolor I need to be
there for him and do what is best for him
but I want his father there to set a good
example and tell him that it is ok that to
ask for help and to seek help doesn't mean
you are week. I want rick to step up to
the plate and stop acting like a baby and
be a father! There is a young child
involved and I will make it so if rick
doesn't grow up and seek some help I will
keep is son from him for I don't want my
son exposed to his violent behavior and
possibly be a victum like rick was with
his father! I don't think that is wrong
for I am protecting the life and welfare
of my son! This has been nothing but an
ongoing vicious cycle for almost 3 years
and I am going out of my mind I am tired
of having a million questions and no
answers just excuses! I want someone who
can talk to me like an adult and tell me
possibly help me with my situation for I
am out of ideas. I want to find someone
who can help me talk to rick or something
that is why I am here I am asking for
help!! I want to better understand his
moods and have a better understanding of
why he is acting like this. Ok he is
more violent you say well then what next
what now why is he more violent? What
can I do? His drugs only make it worse
he is into hardcore illegal drugs that he
fiends for which make him even more
violent! So tell me how can I approach
him without setting him off? How can I
help him? Save him from potentially
killing himself? He takes these
incredible risks that you only see
happening in movies. I don't want rick
out of his son's life I want him there for
his son to be a father and maybe one day
be a family. I love rick and haven't
given up on him completly because I am
still trying to find ways to help him but
I need help from someone else who knows
what they are talking about and can give
me some good guidelines. I want to be
with rick but I don't want to live in fear
of him. I don't need rude or incomplete
write back I need someone to help me and
tell me what I need to do or what I have
to do before I give up all hope and take
my son and run! So what I am asking is
who can help!!
Desperately
seeking answers
|
firefly09
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Oct 2005 Posts: 45 Location: UK
Posted: 11-27-05 13:14pm
Its hard situation to be in. Its hard to
know where to draw boundries, and hard to
know what you can do to help. Maybe if
you went to counselling together to help
figure this out ?
The thing is, is that you cannot stop
anyone from killing themselves, you cannot
stop anyone from taking drugs. At the end
of the day this is an individulas choice,
and if they really want to end their own
life, they will do it.
It sounds like hes pretty immature from
what you are describing, and sometimes it
takes a big shock to wake someone up into
seeking help. It did with myself.... I
reached my ultimate low before I realised
how sick I was and decided to stay away
from alcohol, and go to counselling (which
ive only just started)
somtimes you need to leave aperson to
their own devices, they have to learn the
hard way,,but u can let him know that you
will always be there for him, and love
him, but you also need to lay down
boundries, that if he wants to be around
you and your child, he needs to act the
adult.
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DSmith529
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Oct 2005 Posts: 59
Rick Posted: 11-28-05 12:12pm
His bipolar is a separate issue from his
abuse of you. It is abuse you know.
You are an adult and a parent, you are
responsible for a child. You want your
son not to behave this way as an adult so
the best way to accomplish this is to not
be around rick. Your son is already
genetically predisposed for bipolar,
that's a given. Sometimes those genetic
triggers can get "tripped", if you will,
by the very environment in which you find
yourself.
Stressed. Isolated. Anxious. Add on
the fact that your boyfriend has assaulted
you (choked you, raped you, kidnapped you
[held against your will]) and he is a
felon.
Sounds to me like you need a containment
policy. Rick needs to contain
himself--and if he can't you need to
remove yourself physically from his
presence. You know, next time it could
be your child that is beaten, choked, etc.
Lest you think that simply observing these
behaviours isn't harmful in and of itself,
please take the time to read lundy
bancroft's books on the subject of abusive
men.
The bipolar is a separate medical issue.
That is for rick and the mental health
profession to deal with--in that order.
You are dealing with a behavioural problem
and you have a lot more power and control
over this than you currently realize.
Find a battered woman's shelter if need
be, borrow money from your family, move in
with them, get all the societal support
you can get and get as much education so
you can provide for yourself and your son.
Not easy. Not fun. But so
worthwhile.
All children should consistently have safe
homes to live in, boundaries,
opportunities, support, encouragement, all
the good stuff. It's a shame that rick
can't provide any of this now, possibly
ever. As long as you are there to
cushion his falls and take his blows he
has no reason whatsoever to seek help or
change.
Please do all that you can to physically,
emotionally and financially protect
yourself and your son.
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huffmom
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 14 Nov 2005 Posts: 8 Location: maine
Thank-you So Much Posted: 11-29-05 19:06pm
I just want to say thank you from the
bottom of my heart from the both of you
and your words of wisdom and encourangment
I fully plan to putting it to good use!
I just never thought growing up that there
where men out there like him and in all
that I would end up with someone like him!
I guess it is true what they say you
can't help who you fall in love with! I
just wish there was more I could do! I
know he has the potential to be great what
he lacks is the capicity to do so! You
are absolulty right he knows that I will
always soften his blows and take care of
him because I don't want to see him dead
or to that point I couldn't live with his
blood on my hands! I do need to set up
more boundries but everytime I do he is
cool with them for a little while then he
blows up and is off the wall! I want to
tell him to leave my life and my home but
I will always be there to listen and care
for him and that when he wants to see his
son he can because when he isn't manic he
is an awesome father and is there for my
son and thats when he would come visit.
I would rather have rick around when he is
stable then around when his moods are
constantly up and down this way ricky
won't grow up seeing how his father is and
I could be with my son and have him
potentially turn out to be a better
person! My son is what I die over and
cry over everynight before I sleep he is
still so young and so innocent that if he
is bipolor he won't understand and
possibly rebel because of his
uncertainies! I don't want him do be 5
and ask why him as I bring him to the
dr's. Why do I have bipolor mommy?
What is it? Why don't the other kids
have it? Other kids are also cruel they
make fun of other children who have to
take meds or do councialing! What am I
supposed to do when that comes? My son
means the world to me he is the very
reason I go on each day for when I wake up
and peak into his crib and see his
beautiful smiling face it gives me hope
that eachday is worth it! Seeing this I
don't want him to ever be hurt I want to
help him and be there for him all the way!
I want to prepare myself as much as
possible now for this then be unprepared
in the long-run! One thing I will not
let any dr do and I refuse till my death
that they treat him like a test subject
ricky will not be there lab rat like his
father! I don't need them messing with
his mind I would rather take him to
therepy and have him work it out. My
baby is intelligent and doesn't need to
follow in his father's footsteps! Ricky
just turned 6 mons he can crawl, hold
himself up, sit up by himself, say mama,
dada, self feed, and already has 3 teeth!
My son and his protection means the world
to me and the first step is his father and
the next is helping my son if he needs it!
I just need someone there to help me
through it to talk me through it! I need
to know what I am doing is right because
to rick everything I do is wrong and that
everything is my fault and I am the one
with the problem! Yet I don't resort to
drugs and violence to fix my problem and
when I am sick of someone trying to help
me take of for days on end without calling
and just show up like everything is cool
like rick! He is almost 23 and have no
responsibilites and no compassion for
anyone else but himself! I really don't
even think he cares for his son love him
yes care for him no because he isn't there
for him! I think he uses ricky as his
excuse to keep coming back and to come
home! Again I thank the both of you for
your words and I am going to try this
approach and hopefully stick to it and
hopefully open his eyes to change!
If the is anything else more you can tell
me I would really appreciate it I am
willing to learn not only for myself but
for the welfare of my slightly broken yet
fixable family! That is all I ever
wanted was to be a good mom and to have a
family I know no family is perfect but I
know it definetly shouldn't be like
this!
Thank you with many feeelings
of new hope!
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huffmom
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 14 Nov 2005 Posts: 8 Location: maine
Will He Ever Grow Up Posted: 11-29-05 20:00pm
I know I can't force him beg him persuade
him or even bribe I have even tried the
whole guilt trip! After the first time
when I had him arrested I set up
councialing at csi to try and work through
our problems and he was all for it. I
went to the office for our first meeting
and where was rick no where to be found he
took off to a friends house to do crack
all night! I might as well take my
blonde(where the dumbness in me comes
from) hair and beat it off the wall! We
are so oppiste I graduted from school with
honnors had offers to go to some of the
top schools in my area had a brand new car
lots of friends a good job and in all a
very happy life I was very accomplished I
was a black belt in karate by 11 I was a
barbie model and won beauty contest I was
in cheering and on competition dance
teams. I also was not a snob I loved
everyboday and talked to everyone I was
very outgoing. It has never mattered to
me if you where fat skinny tall short
black white orange or green everyone is
there own person and there is good in all
people if you just take the chance to find
and when people see that your cool and
open up to them they open up to you!
That is what I have been trying to do with
rick I have been trying to find the good
and everytime I get close I seem to be
completly wrong I think this is because I
am in a reltionship with him! He knows
everything about me my weakness my fears
my hope dreams and desires somethings no
one else will ever know and he uses it
against me like he was jealous of my
happiness and did everything he could do
to ruin it! My friends where whores and
being with them made me a prostitute.
All of my activites I was made to give up
because he made me feel like I was a loser
at them or something he has never been
there for me in any positive ways when all
I have done was be there for him. I know
now that is what he wanted was full and
completle control of my life. I can't
believe I was so stupid so dumb and having
his child makes it worse he tells me I am
his and no one elses and no one else will
want me because I have a baby and am a
loser, or if I ever did go with anyone
else he would kill me and the guy that I
am with! What did I do so wrong in my
life to deserve this? What can I do to
change it? I want to go back to school
and further my eduction and just the
comments he makes he is so unsupportive
and rude I have visions of attacking him
and beating him senseless but I know I
can't. He would hurt me far worse then I
could ever hurt him. Your right he is
very immature and hope of him ever
becoming anything better anything
different is pretty slim! But like
stupid me I will still hold on hoping that
he will only I will be wiser and not let
him use me and take advantage of me like
he has in the past! I am glad I have
found this site and people to talk to!
You all have really made a difference with
my situation and again I express my
graditude.
Forever gratefull
cassie
|
DSmith529
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Oct 2005 Posts: 59
Take a Deep Breath Posted: 11-30-05 11:21am
Then let your fingers do the walking.
There is help out there, you may have to
get creative to find it.
The library is everyone's best friend and
my first place to start. Lundy
bancroft's books are very good and have
excellent resource guides in the
appendices.
Journaling is very effective free therapy
until you can start with someone.
Don't become more isolated. There have
to be other moms in the area, start
networking. You want your son to
eventually have friends his own age and
support from the community.
This is just me, but I would recommend
finding a job post-haste. The courts
would look favourably on this. Journal
all attempts to get one too. Nothing
like documentation.
Regarding rick's diagnoses, they are his
issues to deal with. Work on your
containment policy (would the landlord
change the locks? Are you on the
lease/rental agreement?) and your escape
plan.
Do not let him know what you are planning.
Protect yourself and your child. Just
like the ads say, "just do it!" whatever
"it" is.
Good luck. The internet has a wealth of
resources and people.
Oh, and I would recommend you find lynne
namka's website and read "the drama
triangle, updated". It certainly has
helped me get off the merry-go-round ride
from h#ll. Which is good for me and our
children.
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huffmom
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 14 Nov 2005 Posts: 8 Location: maine
Getting Better Posted: 12-03-05 16:17pm
My landlord has already changed the locks
because he did have at one time have keys
to my home and they just installed a new
dead bolts. I live in a housing complex
so it is pretty secure plus the fact when
I got the pfa (protection from abuse) the
police alerted that the building manager
rick wasn't allowed on the premisis which
made him even more mad because his father
lives on the grounds as well! (oh well
:)~) they also cut me some woden planks
to place in my windows so no one can get
in unless you deliberetly break the
window! See my original pfa I went to
get didn't include my son because I have
never filled out a pfa before and didn't
now what to include I had a jude sit down
and talk to me and she made it so that
rick couldn't even talk to me directly or
indirectly or even so much as peak at his
son until our court date! His just made
him want to kill me even more! So I
recently realized you can't be given a
court appointed attoreny as a defendant in
a civil matter case which is what this was
so he was even more mad because I had two
lawyers plus the state on my side plus
caring unlimited this just made him even
more furious becuse even though we
couldn't so much as get a glimpse of each
other his cousin and my brother are dating
so she would run back and tell him
everything! So he tried getting lawyers
and representation and when he was refused
the day before the court date he filed for
a continueance and was given on the
grounds he still didn't have a lawyer so
another month of bliss followed when he
tried to get another continueance and was
denied that is when he tried getting a
hold of me even worse then before because
he made countless attemps but I wouldn't
answer. Finally won night I was in a
deepn sleep when the phone rang and I
answered it still thinking I was asleep
dreaming when I heard his voice I hung up
the phone to only have him call right back
crying and pleading just to talk to him
feeling the sunken heart and wavey belly
feeling I picked up the phone and talked
to him! It isn't his fault he has
bipolor what is his fault is that he does
nothing to make it better! He did and
said everything he could for me not to
nail his ass to the wall in court I had
him in a bind. All of the things I knew
about him and all the new things I found
out about him I was going to have it so
that he would have to spend up to a year
in jail be on probation for the next 2
years where he would be given mandatory
drugs tests each time and made to take his
meds and to councialing and in that time
have no contact with a child under the age
18 unless properly accomanied by a
licensed adult and if he wanted visitation
with ricky he would have to do supervised
visitaion with a phyciatrist and given my
sons age it would only be for an hour 1
day a week! Oh yeah I had everything in
place and it order but thinking about it I
really didn't want to go through with it
because even though he has hurt me in more
ways then 1 I couldn't hurt him like that.
I didn't want use my son against him
that wasn't right so that night when we
talked I told him I wouldn't screw him
over but I would make it so that he
couldn't just up and take off with ricky
either. Rick hasn't and still hasn't
proved to me that he has proper parenting
skills which makes me uneasy that is why I
just can't give him over. Rick is
incompitant I don't care if he is the
father or not he hasn't still to this day
done anything or given anything to his son
that he preached about taking so bad! So
when we went to court we open lines of all
communication the only thing that really
changed is that rick has supervised
vistion which means he can come to my home
with proper notification and visit with
ricky for the day under my watchfull eye
and then leave! It will be this way
until sept 2007 or until I have his
parentl rights and responsebilites revoked
and give him only permante supervised
visation rights until ricky is of age to
have a leagal voice which is 14 yrs old
and decide if he wants to go the day with
his father on his own! Rick is at my
home everyday all day it is almost like he
lives there now and that is what is
becoming stressfull because even though we
aren't together he is still all about
controling me and my life I can't stand
that! That is why I keep asking for
advice because I want to try and make
things work if he is going to be a
permanet fixture I don't want to fight
with him one minute to love him the next
because my son has to see and go through
that! Not to mention ricks violent
spurts! I kind of want him to stay
around because when ricky does come of age
I want him top see what his father is for
good or worse and be able to make the
right choices where his father has made so
many wrong ones but at the same time I
want to keep him safe that is was I am so
conflicted and confused
