Medical Questions > Relationships > Troubled and Abusive Relationships Forum

My Ex Boyfriend Is Psycho, It Is a Shame, I Am Scared

I am living in a nightmare

i was in love with this man that was so great, did so many things for me
treated me like a princess, we had common interests, it was easy and fun

i wish I could rewind time, because I wish I never met him

i will miss him forever, I can not be just his friend

he is mr.Jeckel, mr.Hyde

i can not believe anyone could be so nice, supportive one minute and such a crazy, mean, person the next.

He claims not to remember a lot of things, I would answer the questions again, he does not have alzehimers, he is young enough still
something is wrong with his brain
he has a short temper, he is over the top when he gets mad, when he thinks his feelings are justified

he reads gary zucak, othe personal dev. Books, but
he is not nice all the time, he was mean, so I left

and I have to never look back, because he makes threats to call the cops, and I live with my family, and he called at all hours
and it effects innocent people

and I wish he would not be psycho, creating stories up
saying things about me that are not true

he said he was going to call the cops on me for taking his medication, which I did not, I could take a lie detectaor test...

I can't believe how good he was at manipulating me, and all
how could someone be nice, great,loving, sweet, one hour and a complete aggressive creep the next, when nothing happened within that hour?
Now it is just my word against him

i just want to walk away from this forever, I want to be safe

i ask for your prayers, I am trusting god will keep me safe
and he will leave me alone

i do not want to involve the cops, ugh

i can't believe this is happening, why me?

I feel like a fool, I am embarrassed. I am really embarrassed.

He knows everything about me, he was my best friend,
i feel so vulnerable.

Why does life have to be so difficult? Why do people have the capacity to be so sick, so twisted, cruel, one minute so nice, funny
the next minute a looney tune that is cursing, yelling and spitting in my face, the face he claimed was the most beautiful face he had ever seen
and all that other bs, which I never took too seriously before

ugh, god help me
this is not fair...
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First Helper shanti1
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replied June 24th, 2005
Psycho Ex
Do not for one minute feel embarassed by your ex-boyfriends actions. You have done nothing wrong, you did the right thing by walking away. I understand that losing someone who was once your best friend will be extremely hard, but you will get through it, be strong. I always say: time is the best and worse thing in the world because it can be long, but it heals all pain. It seems that you have realized that he is mentally unstable, many people have chemical imbalances that cause problems like the ones he has, once again this is not your fault! Unfortunatly you can't erase the past and forget about him but you can try to keep busy and get your mind off of him. I know it sounds stupid but it really helps me sometimes when I am upset to be with friends and feel good in general. In terms of wondering why its happening to you, trust me babe, you are not the only one! Many people can relate to the pain and confusion you are experiencing, but it will pass with time. If your ex does not respect your family and leave you alone, i'm afraid involving the police may be the only way to keep yourself safe. You are upset and rightly so, but feeling sorry for yourself and thinking you are dumb for dating him are not the right attitudes to have. People make mistakes, otherwise how would you mold into the person you are today. Walk away from this situation a stronger, wiser, and more confident person, learn from your experiences. Hang in there!!!
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replied February 3rd, 2012
ur conversation hepled me. thnx
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replied June 26th, 2012
I'm also in this situation...Sad
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replied June 25th, 2005
Experienced User
Thank You Adams4e, Thank You Everybody For Your Kind Words
Just read your post
made me tear up, thank you for the kind words of support

it means a lot, thank you!!!!!!!!!! :)

it has been quiet around here, thank god! He wrote a lot of mean, just name calling stuff emails, they are just name calling, no threats

i will save and print the emails, if needed. I will defitenly not respond to them. I am going to have to get another email address, if he starts to fill my mail box again... :cry:

have a good day :)
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replied April 23rd, 2009
OMG!!
This made me cry im goiing through the identical thing. Don't get me wrong i still love him, he was my lover and my best friend i knew he had a few issues but he was always sooo good to me soo charming, funny, caring and devoted i felt like ive known him for years, he himself said we were perfect for eachother. Then all of a sudden last weekend he changed in literally the space of one night i dont know what triggered it, I'm distraught afer dumping his crazy ass,i cant beleive it, he told me he loved me an that i was the best thing that ever happened to him, stupid me trusted him an beleived all of his bs, we are only 16 since the split he is beiing nasty an vindictive calling me names, spreading rumours an threatening me, my friends did warn me about him tbh but i was nieve, a friend of mine offered to *sort hm out for me * but i dont think thats the way to go and anyways my pyscopathic ex would probably pull a knife on him .. have u got any advice?? xx
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replied February 2nd, 2010
I had kind of the same thing when I was 17..
My best friend, a boy, who I had always fancied a bit, he got a girlfriend when we were both 17. I was happy for him. We still hung out as much as we used to, but then I moved to England to go to school for a year. And every time he heard about something involving me and a boy in any way, even just a random hook up, he got totally ballistic and started threatening me and saying that I was "his" girl. He still had that girlfriend, and she called me and said that he wouldnt stop talking about me, both to her and to my friends, of how much of a **** I was and etc. I was outraged, and when I called to him to tell him to **** off, he said that he loved me and that he was sorry and all, but that he was just so jealous! And I told him that he could just go and **** himself, for he had girlfriend, and that I didnt love him. So guess what he did? Next time I was back in my home country, he more or less kidnapped me from my home to his house, and tried to rape me because he was claiming that I still was "his" girl. I managed to escape, but I didnt call the police, because I still cared for him. That is the most foolish thing I have ever done. I am 24 now, and he has not stopped pestering me yet. He has tried to assault me more than ten times since then, threatening my littlesister, my mom, my friends, slashing my car tires, breaking in to my appartment, etc. Now, I live under hidden identity in another country, after he tried to kill me two years ago. So, the inly advice I can give to you, is CALL THE POLICE! Get a restraining order, and get him out of your life! As fats as possible!
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replied February 4th, 2010
Ex-Boyfriends Can Be Very Bad for Your Health
No it is not fair. There are many, many stories of ex-boyfriends tormenting their ex-girlfriends. Here is one about a close friend:
A good friend of ours, Sally, had not been herself for several weeks. She seemed distracted, even frightened at times. She was receiving a lot of phone calls and they always seemed to put her into a deep funk.
I thought it was time to broach the subject and to find out if there was anything I could do to help. At first Sally was very reluctant to discuss the subject. Finally, she asked me one day if we could talk. I of course agreed and the story began to unfold.
It seems that she had an ex-boyfriend who she thinks is �connected� and he is extremely upset that she broke off the relationship they had. He had warned her that it was �not a wise decision� and that she should �rethink things in order to prevent any distasteful happenings.�
The warning concerned her, but she thought it was simply the comments of an embarrassed suitor who wanted to sound like a big shot. She was wrong. It turns out the man was connected and he had a lot of �friends� who were more than willing to help him make his point.
The first part of the process involved phone calls with messages that sent shivers down her spine. They suggested the possibility of many �distastefulâ�¢½ happenings. She reported them to the police, but since she had no recording of them and they were made from untraceable numbers, that led to nothing.
But the campaign of terror really picked up after that; there were broken windows, scratches on the car, even a dead family pet on the front porch of her home. Then the most frightening part of the campaign began. She started noticing a car following her each day, everywhere she went. When she reached her destination, it would just go on. It seemed to be a different car each time. It was obviously an attempt to intimidate. And it was working.
Then they began calling her car phone, which was a hands-free speaker phone. Different voices, coming from the car following her, from time to time warned her of what kinds of things could happen to her; what �accidents� could befall.
The police tried to corroborate her story, but each time they attempted to catch someone in the act of following her, the �bad guys� were careful not to get caught.
When she told me about the vehicles following her something came to mind. At my recent daughter�s wedding out of town I had rented a high-end vehicle that included a device I had never seen nor heard of before. It was a rearview mirror hidden camera that not only provided a great view of what was going on behind you, it could also record the activity, including any sound that was within range, such as a voice coming from the car�s speaker phone.
I suggested to Sally that she get the device, which I found installs extremely easily onto your current rear view mirror. She could then get on film videos of the cars that were following her, including clear license plate numbers, over a several-days period. The camera was capable of recording day and night. She could also get on the record the messages coming from the drivers. They would often make comments such as �I am close enough to you to give you a hard jolt that could force you to have a bad accident,� comments which helped corroborate Sally�s claims that the reign of terror was real.
With the videos obtained from the car�s rearview mirror hidden cameras, Sally was finally able to convince the police of the reality of the threats. And they could trace the license plates to several unsavory characters, all of them with records, all of them �friends� of her ex-boyfriend.
When they were all rounded up and shown the evidence, suddenly the campaign against Sally was a thing of the past.
Hopefully you aren�t being followed by people who mean you harm, but you will still be wowed by the versatility and the intriguing options the device offers.
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replied February 5th, 2010
Experienced User
You only thought that he was your best friend, his friendship was no more than mimicry. You were his best friend but you`ve discovered that was misplaced, and misplaced friendships whither and die. Your mistake was to love him, but love without friendship is no more than mere emotion. The emotion can be crippling but the relationship is dead. More than this can only exist in imagination. The surest escape is as a complete stranger, to pay him no mind.
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replied August 9th, 2010
abusive
I am so sorry to hear this. It breaks my heart to read your story. I have no advice for you. You don't think this could happen to you but here you are. It really is rather humiliating. I try laughing it off but it shows in my face anwyay. I really hope things will get better for you. I hope you forget him. Maybe you'll hit your head or he'll hit his...
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replied September 21st, 2010
Scared.
Ok so my girlfriend of a year...her ex boyfriend is clinically insane. He almost commited suicide and blamed her for everything, just a bunch of stuff. It was a mess. Long story short, he's out of the insane asylum now and is home. Im scared to go out with my girlfriend this weekend to a football game because i know for a fact he will be there...this is not just little drama from middle school or something. were both 20 years old. but should i be scared?
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replied March 4th, 2011
Anger vs Fear & Therapy Help
You know men have anger, it is a powerful base emotion that helps them protect themselves and their families. It has evolved over generations. Men are often labeled as abusive because we are naturally internally powerful, and we have anger. It is a natural thing. Women in a relationship do everything from a place of love, therefore normal women often do not cause animosity in a relationship, although they rarely build a relationship the way a man must with a woman. Often women do not express themselves when men are angry, as it scares the and men are expressing that they are scared and something needs to change.

The perception is that a man should always control his emotions, and this is true although on balance society normally does not teach a man anything about his emotions. Women live in a community together and support each other. Men are never given this, and the expectations on men are very high, where the expectations are women are very low.

In these tragic situations where a man is angry at his girl is not right, although most often. Its not that men are bipolar which is only bout 1% of the population. Yes violence is wrong, although expression of anger is not always violence its expression, and the perception by women is that it is violence when it is truely a call for help.

Men and women just need to understand each other. Men normally do not understand how much anger scares women. We are generally not taught this, it normally takes one with university training is psychology, or someone who has taken counciling to tell them. Or a very open woman, which honestly women never tell men how their bad actions affect them. They just tally them up normally instead of honestly and openly talking about balanced borders, and how things affect them.

Therefore in the end if a guy makes these mistakes, and he is truely remorseful he may or may not learn on his own how these things affected his girl. Send him to some cognitive behavioral therapy, with a psycharitrist to teach him how to deal with his emotions. In several weeks normally 4-8-12 people that honestly commit to these things are truely changed, and are safe to be around in the high probability.

All people make mistakes, not everyone deserves a second chance, depending upon their previous actions like physical violence. Although social conditioning misunderstandings are the most common issue in long term relationships. Both partners should take an effort to understand things from the others point of view.. A scared girl should ensure a third party is present to ensure she feels safe when discussing the results of a relationship after an appropriate break. If one still has feelings for an ex they should be openly and honestly discussed between the parties. These emotions should not be avoided because one is scared. Understanding and accepting these emotions is the way that a healthy outcome for both parties can be reached.

People make mistakes. Life is complex. More often than not some relationships can become very very strong, and more fun, and more healthy after a trauma as both parties learn great deal. The challenge is people put the social conditioning expectations before positive communications.

Men if you learn to manage your emotions, women if you learn to face your fears. Everyone wins, this can be done in a manner with help from third parties in which everyone wins. In the end the most important thing in this life is internall happiness and emotion balance on part of each partner where they can come together to create transcendent love.

It is worth taking a second chance for love..
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replied March 10th, 2011
Re: Abusive Psycho Ex
@ shanti1, I know ur story was written a few years back but when I read it I was almost in tears, I am going through exactly the same situation and don't know what to do! I feel really weak and highly intimidated by his actions and words. I am more afraid of him involving my parents and so have thought about involving the police but can't get myself to do it! I wish he would just dissappeare somewhere as I don't want to go through all this legal stuff. I have no-one to talk to as I cannot trust anyone enough to discuss it with or ask advice from. It's all my fault for letting him do this to me for 5 years of my life but I was always taken in by the fact that he was my best friend. He was so loving and caring before but now he doesn't care about anyone but himself. He's ruined my uni life and studies, tells me what to do, swears and shouts at me and tells me I deserve it as I gave him attitude when trying to defend myself. He has become intolerable but I just don't know what the easiest way of dealing with this situation is.

What I wanted to know from you is if you are still stuck in that nightmare and if not then how you were able to come through it? I really hope you can get back to me. Thanks.
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replied April 24th, 2011
Time doesn't change
I am 21 years old now. I met my ex boyfriend at the age of 17. When i got with him i was not planing on it being long term, it never even crosses my mind. I got pregnant and had my daughter at 18 years old. It only took a few months after i found out of my pregnancy to see what kind of man he really was. He would drink and back then i didnt know why he would act like that. He would call me names, accuse me of cheating, yell, scream, refuse to talk to me. I was so deeply in love with him that i was blind by this. I soon moved in with him and things got even more rough. We had no electricity in the house and he was making good money and was too selfish to pay the light bill, i was only making enough to pay for my gas cell phone and car payment. He would only come home around midnight or later everynight, and would be very drunk. He would yell at me and tell me where was i at when i was home the whole time. He spit in my face and he even would push me to the floor. I could not bring myself to leave him. I was put on bed rest during the last trimester of my pregnancy and the day i got out of the hospital he was next door at his friends house and was drinking.... I was hungry and there was nothing to eat in the house so i asked him to get me something from town. He came inside and cornered me in the closet. He yeled and screamed and told me i need to leave. He stayed out that night and i stayed with my mom. The next day i tried to reach him and he would not answer, he had his mom call me and tell me to have all my stuff out of the house, I packed everyting and carried heavy furniture when i was not suppose to lift anything. I stayed with my mom a few days and got an apartment of my own, soon after he moved in with me. I could not anyone to blame besides myself. I felt stupid but i thought it would work. It only got worse. And even when he tried to change it was never enough... after 4 years of being with him i finally stopped caring and started thinking about my future. We have a beautiful daughter together, but thats all now. He still tried talking me into getting back together but i stand strong because i know now were not good for each other.

My advice to anyone in a relationship... If it seems bad then leave while your ahead... Time does not change anything. And i belive that when your truely meant to be together your going to be happy more than upset. Noone deserve physical or verbal abuse. Get of of a bad situation before your in too deep.
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replied April 28th, 2011
So scary because your situation sounds like you could be talking about my friend. He is like that. I keep trying to believe he will get better because I want him to be like he used to be. I am trying to go no contact but it aint easy.
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replied September 20th, 2011
Take back the power
I'm dealing with this myself. Delete all his contact info, save letters for proof. Talk to your local cyber police dept and see what can be done. Don't provoke him. Don't react to him, that's what he wants. Be nice and continue to create distance between you. Finally, pray - pray to your God and your Angels to help guide you and pray for his soul that is obviously damage. I'm not religious person by nature so to say to pray is a big deal for me but it has really given me some peace. The man I loved and trusted was killed by the man he has become. I'll mourn the man I loved and feel sorry for the man he is now. Being kind to the "bad" man will not bring back the "good" man. He's gone and now you see the darkness he had so let him go. Don't engage in any communication with him and don't dwell on him. Don't give him power over your life, don't give him control of your happiness if you do, he wins.
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replied October 21st, 2011
my boyfriend is physcho
Hi, When i am reading all these stories..i cry out loud and ask god why r people so sick in their beh. my story goes like this i loved this guy so much but in return i got only pain abusive sometimes he is so sweet and i feel like perfect guy but if he gets angry i really don't have words to tell his behaviour. yesterday, we had fighting and he started bad words asusual and animal in him still nt satisfied asked me to repeat the words he says and threatened me he will call everyone in my family and reveal abt me very badly so i repeated words they r so bad but i did he recorded all that and said he will give the cd to everyone if i don't go to his place in few mts early morn 2:00 am i drove to his place in fear and asked him to give me cd he asked me to lick his feet saying the words i am b**** i did he asked me to remove my cloths and walk in frnt of him i said no he forced me remvd my cloths even though i told him i am bleeding and nt feeling well and begged hm to leave he did evrything what ever he could as an animal and din't return the cd. i am crying in pain and such a nightmare what should i do i have wonderful family but don't like to involve them coz he is complete phycho and very dangerous person and i am scared that he would hurt my family. this is nt first tm he is so voilent many tms.but i was in relation with hm for 6yrs coz i loved him but now i want to walk out of this relation forever but getting nighmares everyday. how should i forget all these scars? i am helpless physically mentally not strong and no help from anyone but how do i cure myself?
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replied October 3rd, 2012
ssam i m also in the same suitation i cnt tell you what exectly he do..we work in same place when ever he feel like he come to me and start saying what ever he want to.i cnt say anything/yesterday he beat me like anything he is 6 feet and 97 kg and i m 5 feet and 55 kg imagine how he treat me.i just scared i dnt knw what to do..
i had sex with him after his marriage and he said you are responsible for everything what bad is happening to him.
he never realized what he is doing never when ever he feel he come to me and start beating me.

Save me i want to live i cnt say this to anyone and i just have only one option suicide.and write a letter which will explain everything.everything so that he cnt live after that...
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