Hiya my name is lisa I live in wales in the uk. Let me start with telling you that life is worth everything I suffer from depression and I self harm terribly in the worst ways. I now how it feels to be abused although I was not sexually abbused I was battered from all four walls in my house and never got on with my family untill I was 16 and moved out, now I get along with my mum. Dont lose heart and remember you have a beutiful child out of all this and he needs his mum more than anything. You need to doi something diferent and let you boyfriend now in to your heart, I did that an I am slowly stopping cutting myself and overdosing I have not been in hospital now for a year were as I was there every other week b4. Let me now how you get on my email is :wink:

Hello, I also suffer from depression, so I know what you're going through. I have suffered unbearable heartbreak in my life and I am only 23 years old. First, I was sexually assaulted by my mom's brother in law when I was 5 years old, then he turned around and killed my aunt (his wife) when she confronted him about it, then there was my father's severe drinking problem, not to mention having a best friend who tried to kill me repeatedly, being the school nerd, losing my beloved grandmother in 2000, and not being able to trust anybody. Plus I also suffer from severe anxiety and panic attacks, and a devastating fear of social situations. I have been on effexor for 4 years. If you ever need someone to talk to, please feel free to email me. My name is caroline and I am at:



i am always looking 4 someone 2 correspond with.

Hiya its lisa agasin hope you feel better today .

I am the typical girl who everyone thinks is fine.

It’s what is inside that counts right? We’ve been told that our whole life. Well what is inside is broken, what is inside is hurt, so that counts…but only to me. Why -- Because I’m the only one who knows.

I get up everyday with the intentions for something better to happen. Everyday I deal with the fact that I am living a complete and total lie. Everyday I am hurting, everyday I am waiting for the moment when I can sneak away from my desk at work, turn on the water in the bathroom and cry. Everyday a text message comes from my boyfriend, everyday another lie starts, no matter if it is what he did last night, or who is was with, or where he will be tonight. Every lie starts with every single word that is drained from his mouth. Every single word, I don’t trust…every word I can’t depend on. All I wanted from this was someone to be there, someone to grow with, and someone to love and laugh with. Now, after all this time… holding his hand is asking to much, never mind a kiss in public. I understand, the cuteness dies, but since when does loving a person have to be such a chore. He says he loves me yes…and behind close doors he can love me, or it can turn into a battle. Everything is a secret to me, everything is too much. I can’t talk back, I can’t rise my voice, I can’t even have a little bit of a freak out over something. I can’t show up for a surprise, I can’t even ask a simple question “why?” Everything I do he says makes his mad, everything I say is saying too much. I can’t go out with his friends. I’m not even allowed to know where he’s going because when I go out and have a few drinks I'm the drama queen. I am a health forum, and I’m selfish and when I ask him for a simple favor “All you think about is yourself”. But just when I am getting mad, just when I am feeling upset, the “I’m sorry baby, not tonight…” or “I told you baby, I had plans” EVERY SINGLE NIGHT? Every night he says plans, every night he’s sorry…just when I wanna be mad, just when I want to give up. I scream into my pillow because I don’t want my parents to think that we’re having another fight. But if I carry out the fight, I get a “Suck it up…it’s not a big deal” But what if it is a big deal? What if I really needed him? What if all I wanted was to know that he loves me, or that I am pretty, or that I’m freaking worth it.

How can one person knock you down… how can the one person that you give it all too, just turn around and treat you the way they do? Why am I not worth it? Why am I not the fight that he’s willing to work for… Everything I do makes him angry. Everything I do is just too much for him to handle.

My mom says its abuse… I just want to know why I can’t just walk away. Everyone tells me I can…but why can’t I tell myself?

Sincerely,

Ruined.

He is either:

Married
Gay
Cheating on you
Or a fool and approach with caution

I would not take that in any of the above sinario's. Hard I know, but there are lots more fish in the see and you are still to young to let this person abuse you this way. Think what it would be like spending the rest of you lif with this person. There has to be some line drawn here. You have a lot in you past that needs to come to closure. It is not easy. Not with what you have been through. Most girls or woman that this has happened to are never able to have a good relationship for the haunted past. My heart goes out to you.

In my thoughts,
Carrie

Carrie

no-one should be treated the way in which you are and you should walk away from him. As things coiuld get worse and you will think that you have had enough only you will wont to stay with the filthy cheater.

Thanks for the quick reply.

I can't even explain how it feels to think that I'm alone.

It's hard because my family is next to impossible to talk with about things like this, because it's as if I am expected to be smarter then this, or stronger.

...But I'm not right now...

My friends are sick of hearing that we're fighting...so their not a help either. Sometimes a person just needs someone to talk to, even if I don't know you...I just need someone.......

I have found that in todays busy world where most often both parents work or a single parent has to work, communication within the family has broken down so badly. It is a real shame that parents now days are so busy with their own lives and trying to support the family that they have no time to sit down and chat with their kids. I blame most if not all for todays problems with young teens for this. Parents have got to make time for their children. There is no excuse for this in my book.
Parents come home from work, they are tired and snap at their kids for no reason at all. I admit, it is a hard world to face for a parent now days. That is why so many new couples have opted not to even have children.
Also, there will never be a good family relationship if the parent does not communicate. That is why kids go to drugs etc, as an escape from reality. It's sometime a wonder why kids don't want to go home after school or work. It's a wonder we all here have deppression, anxiety and stress. Even my own son (who I live with) had to go see a shrink for medication. He is so stressed out, he snaps at me for every little thing. It is a stressful working world out there gang.

A note to parents: Start listening to your children. Let them know that you are there for them and have that unconditional love that no matter what the issue is, they can always come to you for help. I can not stress how important this is!

Does this make any sense to anyone. Are any of you going through this?

Carrie

i have depression and it gets me really down i feel like i'm losing but i know that there's a light at the end of the tunnel. " i h8 it. I hasve bi polar manic depression i wish i never had it. I have stopped taking my medication for a few days now. Just really need someone to talk 2.

Hey there...wos just reading ur story and felt really bad for u...your mum's right it's abuse...........it will just get worse and worse . U need to find the strength within urself (which is there in everybody). He doesn't treat u with the respect that u deserve.........seems like he's always too busy and makes excuses. U need to get out before its too late. Its going to be hard but its for the best. Don't ever question yourself....it's not ur fault. Just saty strong and do what you think is for the best. Don't let a man grind you down...what happened to "woman power"? Just tkcr and hope i've helped.

right when my parents got divorced when i was about 6 my dad moved into an apartment. i loved my dad and i also loved my mom, i didn't want to be faced with the decision of who's house to stay at. they decided that it would be best for me and my siblings if they just switch off weekly. about a year later my dad married my step mom. at first i thought she was a great person, however i found that to be quite the opposite when we moved in with her and her 2 sons. only about a month after we had moved in my step mother started getting drunk on almost a daily basis. the first time i really knew she was drunk (since i had never seen it before)she chased me around my house with slurred death threats and finally she cought me and tied me up to a pole with various ropes and bunjee cords. i couldn't breath. the ropes were so tight i fractured one of my ribs. this behavior continued for quite a while. i never knew i was being abused. she kept my self confidence down by telling me that nobody loves me, and that i'll always be a failure in life. after a couple of years my mother also got re-married. he too was abusive, not only to me but to my mother as well. sometimes he would hit us or tell us we can never get away since we need his money. after 4 years my mom gathered enough money to divorce him and buy a new home. back at my dads house, having large blunt objects being thrown at me was a daily routine. no one actually knew i was being abused. even though i was(and continue to be) a guy i started to wear make up. i grew out my hair so that it covered my left eye completely so no one could see when i had a black eye. i became severely depressed over time and by the age of 14 i had started slitting my wrists to help stop my emotional pain. and in the summer i attempted suicide. i completely failed which should be quite obvious, however when i awoke the morning after the suicide attempt i saw my dad looking at my arms. they were littered with cuts and scars, he knew at the time what was going on. he got my step mother into aaa meetings so that she would stop drinking and abusing various other drugs. my mom got me over to the hospital, whilst there, a doctor asked me to take a depression test. the results of the test came back and he said, "you are one of the most depressed people i have ever seen, this is the second highest score i have witnessed." my parents knew a bit of my abuse by my stepmother but since i had lost all self confidence and was extraordinarily afraid to tell them, they never found to the extent of my abuse and since my step mom was drunk or had the effects of other drugs on her, she never remembered doing it. i'm now almost 16, i have to take TONS of anti depressents however i still am very depressed. a couple of days ago my friend asked me what the worst thing that happened to me was. i took a moment to think and replied with, "well it's a two way tie between the time my step mom bought a metal baseball bat and decided to... test it out on me. or the time that i saw my step mom nearly beat my step brother half to death." he gave me a frightened look, i looked back at him confused. he asked me if i called child services or anything but i didn't know why i would. i told him no and asked why. he told me that, that is an extreme case of abuse, so a couple of days ago i found out that i was abused and that the small amount of abuse i was aware of doesn't happen to many kids. i have no clue how i didn't find that out with my therapist.

I just want to say that I have been sexually molested...my moms bf raped me from when I was 8 until I was 12 I never told anyone this cause I guess I dont see what the big deal is anyways...I have also been raped by my dads friend and this other guy for awhile I just thought the older men must be attracted to me but I just wanted to be normal...I've never been battered or anything or even prevented from telling...im not scared I just didnt want to be embarrassed I guess, there is no excuse for it I just didnt/dont see what the big deal is I dont feel bad or depressed I guess I just dont care that it happened...I know this kind of thing isnt exceptable and everything and that I should be strong and just tell the truth but I just cant!