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Just Need Someone to Talk to (Page 1)

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Hey guys my names chelsea n im 18....At the moment im struggling with depression. I shall start from the start as I really need to get this off my chest.
Im supposed to be happy at my age so I keep getting told but I am having heaps of trouble just keeping a smile on my face for a whole 5 minutes. And its all because of my past.
When I was a little girl like before I turned 7 n my dad moved out he used to bash me...This isnt really the main cause but I thought I should go through everything first.
After he left I struggled to cope with the idea of not having a father n I started to believe that thats how relationships were supposed to be full of violence n angry. It toke me till I was about 11 to stop blaming myself for my fathers attitude n not long after that when I was 13 I started to get sexually assualted.
I was dating this person n his mate mark used to come around n bash me n rape me. This went on for about 2 yrs at least once a month with a gun to my head n a knife to my throat.
I was so scared I neva told anyone. I ended up falling pregnant with his baby which I am now raising. To this day he hasnt been reported n im supposed to be seeing a pyschartrist this week to talk about it for the first time ever.
I am really hoping this will help because im not sure much else will anymore. My relationship with my partner is falling apart n I have turned bulemic again.
I am posting this post because I would really like to be able to talk to someone that has expienced the same sorta thing/s as me and because I would really like to know if anyone knows anywhere I can ring to get help with being bulemic.
Thankz heaps guys u have no idea how much I need this!!!
Luv chels
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First Helper Lisa01443
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replied June 21st, 2005
Experienced User
Dont Fret
Hiya my name is lisa I live in wales in the uk. Let me start with telling you that life is worth everything I suffer from depression and I self harm terribly in the worst ways. I now how it feels to be abused although I was not sexually abbused I was battered from all four walls in my house and never got on with my family untill I was 16 and moved out, now I get along with my mum. Dont lose heart and remember you have a beutiful child out of all this and he needs his mum more than anything. You need to doi something diferent and let you boyfriend now in to your heart, I did that an I am slowly stopping cutting myself and overdosing I have not been in hospital now for a year were as I was there every other week b4. Let me now how you get on my email is :wink:
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replied June 21st, 2005
Need Someone 2 Talk 2?
Hello, I also suffer from depression, so I know what you're going through. I have suffered unbearable heartbreak in my life and I am only 23 years old. First, I was sexually assaulted by my mom's brother in law when I was 5 years old, then he turned around and killed my aunt (his wife) when she confronted him about it, then there was my father's severe drinking problem, not to mention having a best friend who tried to kill me repeatedly, being the school nerd, losing my beloved grandmother in 2000, and not being able to trust anybody. Plus I also suffer from severe anxiety and panic attacks, and a devastating fear of social situations. I have been on effexor for 4 years. If you ever need someone to talk to, please feel free to email me. My name is caroline and I am at:



i am always looking 4 someone 2 correspond with.
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replied April 15th, 2012
just know that none of this is your fault; and you will find happiness one day if you stay strong Smile
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replied June 22nd, 2005
Experienced User
Hiya its lisa agasin hope you feel better today .
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replied October 29th, 2007
All I Do Is Cry.
I am the typical girl who everyone thinks is fine.

It’s what is inside that counts right? We’ve been told that our whole life. Well what is inside is broken, what is inside is hurt, so that counts…but only to me. Why -- Because I’m the only one who knows.

I get up everyday with the intentions for something better to happen. Everyday I deal with the fact that I am living a complete and total lie. Everyday I am hurting, everyday I am waiting for the moment when I can sneak away from my desk at work, turn on the water in the bathroom and cry. Everyday a text message comes from my boyfriend, everyday another lie starts, no matter if it is what he did last night, or who is was with, or where he will be tonight. Every lie starts with every single word that is drained from his mouth. Every single word, I don’t trust…every word I can’t depend on. All I wanted from this was someone to be there, someone to grow with, and someone to love and laugh with. Now, after all this time… holding his hand is asking to much, never mind a kiss in public. I understand, the cuteness dies, but since when does loving a person have to be such a chore. He says he loves me yes…and behind close doors he can love me, or it can turn into a battle. Everything is a secret to me, everything is too much. I can’t talk back, I can’t rise my voice, I can’t even have a little bit of a freak out over something. I can’t show up for a surprise, I can’t even ask a simple question “why?” Everything I do he says makes his mad, everything I say is saying too much. I can’t go out with his friends. I’m not even allowed to know where he’s going because when I go out and have a few drinks I'm the drama queen. I am a !**@!, and I’m selfish and when I ask him for a simple favor “All you think about is yourself”. But just when I am getting mad, just when I am feeling upset, the “I’m sorry baby, not tonight…” or “I told you baby, I had plans” EVERY SINGLE NIGHT? Every night he says plans, every night he’s sorry…just when I wanna be mad, just when I want to give up. I scream into my pillow because I don’t want my parents to think that we’re having another fight. But if I carry out the fight, I get a “Suck it up…it’s not a big deal” But what if it is a big deal? What if I really needed him? What if all I wanted was to know that he loves me, or that I am pretty, or that I’m freaking worth it.

How can one person knock you down… how can the one person that you give it all too, just turn around and treat you the way they do? Why am I not worth it? Why am I not the fight that he’s willing to work for… Everything I do makes him angry. Everything I do is just too much for him to handle.

My mom says its abuse… I just want to know why I can’t just walk away. Everyone tells me I can…but why can’t I tell myself?

Sincerely,

Ruined.
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Users who thank Ruined for this post: sbw 

replied April 3rd, 2011
i feel for u i truly do, I just came out of a two year relationship and although it may have only been two years i truly loved him. I gave him everything and yes eventually came the second year i wanted to take a break because he didnt appreciate me. he said he would wait for me and instead kissed my friend, dated his cousins ex(secretly), asked out numerouse girls, sent pics over email, and you probably think all this is fine because we were broken up which would be the case but while he was doing all this he kept trying to use me and tell me he loved me and wanted to be with me. This was all hard and i would forgive him one lie after another till i just found out to much. Like you i am the girl who is fine just fine. In fact many think im more than just fine and have a perfect life but i am broken. Although i hurt i did find the strenght to leave him in the past which is hard because i see the person everyday. I left him and yes i am still getting over him but now its just moving forward from here. I will try not to have trust issues in my future but as for now i can only live in the present and leave the past behind. The only advice i can give you is to leave him and when u want to go back instead of thinking about all your good times think of why you two broke up and remind yourself that u want more than to feel hurt and broken.hope this helps.
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replied October 30th, 2007
Extremely eHealthy
Totally Honest
He is either:

Married
Gay
Cheating on you
Or a idiot and approach with caution

I would not take that in any of the above sinario's. Hard I know, but there are lots more fish in the see and you are still to young to let this person abuse you this way. Think what it would be like spending the rest of you lif with this person. There has to be some line drawn here. You have a lot in you past that needs to come to closure. It is not easy. Not with what you have been through. Most girls or woman that this has happened to are never able to have a good relationship for the haunted past. My heart goes out to you.

In my thoughts,
Carrie

Carrie
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replied October 30th, 2007
Experienced User
no-one should be treated the way in which you are and you should walk away from him. As things coiuld get worse and you will think that you have had enough only you will wont to stay with the filthy cheater.
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replied October 30th, 2007
Thanks for the quick reply.

I can't even explain how it feels to think that I'm alone.

It's hard because my family is next to impossible to talk with about things like this, because it's as if I am expected to be smarter then this, or stronger.

...But I'm not right now...

My friends are sick of hearing that we're fighting...so their not a help either. Sometimes a person just needs someone to talk to, even if I don't know you...I just need someone.......
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replied October 30th, 2007
Extremely eHealthy
Ya Know
I have found that in todays busy world where most often both parents work or a single parent has to work, communication within the family has broken down so badly. It is a real shame that parents now days are so busy with their own lives and trying to support the family that they have no time to sit down and chat with their kids. I blame most if not all for todays problems with young teens for this. Parents have got to make time for their children. There is no excuse for this in my book.
Parents come home from work, they are tired and snap at their kids for no reason at all. I admit, it is a hard world to face for a parent now days. That is why so many new couples have opted not to even have children.
Also, there will never be a good family relationship if the parent does not communicate. That is why kids go to drugs etc, as an escape from reality. It's sometime a wonder why kids don't want to go home after school or work. It's a wonder we all here have deppression, anxiety and stress. Even my own son (who I live with) had to go see a shrink for medication. He is so stressed out, he snaps at me for every little thing. It is a stressful working world out there gang.

A note to parents: Start listening to your children. Let them know that you are there for them and have that unconditional love that no matter what the issue is, they can always come to you for help. I can not stress how important this is!

Does this make any sense to anyone. Are any of you going through this?

Carrie
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replied December 22nd, 2008
my life
i have depression and it gets me really down i feel like i'm losing but i know that there's a light at the end of the tunnel. " i h8 it. I hasve bi polar manic depression i wish i never had it. I have stopped taking my medication for a few days now. Just really need someone to talk 2.
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replied December 22nd, 2008
Hey there...wos just reading ur story and felt really bad for u...your mum's right it's abuse...........it will just get worse and worse . U need to find the strength within urself (which is there in everybody). He doesn't treat u with the respect that u deserve.........seems like he's always too busy and makes excuses. U need to get out before its too late. Its going to be hard but its for the best. Don't ever question yourself....it's not ur fault. Just saty strong and do what you think is for the best. Don't let a man grind you down...what happened to "woman power"? Just tkcr and hope i've helped.
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replied May 11th, 2009
my long life story.
right when my parents got divorced when i was about 6 my dad moved into an apartment. i loved my dad and i also loved my mom, i didn't want to be faced with the decision of who's house to stay at. they decided that it would be best for me and my siblings if they just switch off weekly. about a year later my dad married my step mom. at first i thought she was a great person, however i found that to be quite the opposite when we moved in with her and her 2 sons. only about a month after we had moved in my step mother started getting drunk on almost a daily basis. the first time i really knew she was drunk (since i had never seen it before)she chased me around my house with slurred death threats and finally she cought me and tied me up to a pole with various ropes and bunjee cords. i couldn't breath. the ropes were so tight i fractured one of my ribs. this behavior continued for quite a while. i never knew i was being abused. she kept my self confidence down by telling me that nobody loves me, and that i'll always be a failure in life. after a couple of years my mother also got re-married. he too was abusive, not only to me but to my mother as well. sometimes he would hit us or tell us we can never get away since we need his money. after 4 years my mom gathered enough money to divorce him and buy a new home. back at my dads house, having large blunt objects being thrown at me was a daily routine. no one actually knew i was being abused. even though i was(and continue to be) a guy i started to wear make up. i grew out my hair so that it covered my left eye completely so no one could see when i had a black eye. i became severely depressed over time and by the age of 14 i had started slitting my wrists to help stop my emotional pain. and in the summer i attempted suicide. i completely failed which should be quite obvious, however when i awoke the morning after the suicide attempt i saw my dad looking at my arms. they were littered with cuts and scars, he knew at the time what was going on. he got my step mother into aaa meetings so that she would stop drinking and abusing various other drugs. my mom got me over to the hospital, whilst there, a doctor asked me to take a depression test. the results of the test came back and he said, "you are one of the most depressed people i have ever seen, this is the second highest score i have witnessed." my parents knew a bit of my abuse by my stepmother but since i had lost all self confidence and was extraordinarily afraid to tell them, they never found to the extent of my abuse and since my step mom was drunk or had the effects of other drugs on her, she never remembered doing it. i'm now almost 16, i have to take TONS of anti depressents however i still am very depressed. a couple of days ago my friend asked me what the worst thing that happened to me was. i took a moment to think and replied with, "well it's a two way tie between the time my step mom bought a metal baseball bat and decided to... test it out on me. or the time that i saw my step mom nearly beat my step brother half to death." he gave me a frightened look, i looked back at him confused. he asked me if i called child services or anything but i didn't know why i would. i told him no and asked why. he told me that, that is an extreme case of abuse, so a couple of days ago i found out that i was abused and that the small amount of abuse i was aware of doesn't happen to many kids. i have no clue how i didn't find that out with my therapist.
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replied May 12th, 2009
my side of life
I just want to say that I have been sexually molested...my moms bf raped me from when I was 8 until I was 12 I never told anyone this cause I guess I dont see what the big deal is anyways...I have also been raped by my dads friend and this other guy for awhile I just thought the older men must be attracted to me but I just wanted to be normal...I've never been battered or anything or even prevented from telling...im not scared I just didnt want to be embarrassed I guess, there is no excuse for it I just didnt/dont see what the big deal is I dont feel bad or depressed I guess I just dont care that it happened...I know this kind of thing isnt exceptable and everything and that I should be strong and just tell the truth but I just cant!
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replied December 14th, 2009
help me
i am 13 and untill i was 7 life was great, i loved spending time with my mum and dad, but then they split up and got divorced. We ended up staying with my mum weekdays and my dads weekends. But my mum would hit us on a regular basis she only hit me once, but when she hit my sister i knew it had gone too far, that night as we was all asleap the police came and took my mum away, we didnt even get to say goodbye. My dad gladly took us, life was good and i was having fun. When i was about 11 my dad began drinking he would on rare occasions hit my brother and has strangled him several times before, and i watch this: its scary and i dnt feel safe what if he does it again, but to me this time, what if he kills my brother? all these questions are running through my mind. but on the other hand i dnt want to loose my dad, hes all ive got i cant deal with loosing both my mum and dad i couldnt handle it, but i need to talk to someone. My heart is breaking, my childhood ruined.

Please can someone help me !!!
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replied February 13th, 2010
Experienced User
Gradually, and despite all that is negative on the outside, refashion in your minds once more that childhood dream which was once to become your lives. Hold it close, become as one with it, and now from this far place, I trust your load may be carried with less pain.
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replied March 29th, 2010
This is to Ruined. I know exactly what you are going through. The only difference is I am married. I am a 44 year old mother of two children. My kids are young, ages 8 and 13. I feel like I have not only ruined my life but theirs also. I am looking for answers or at least someone to talk to. I can not share any of this with my family. I think I am ashamed to let them know what is really going on behind close doors. I just need to be able to talk with someone and get some of this hurt and anger out. I am so depressed and hurt. I recently had to resign from my job as an assistant teacher. I really loved this job and this was my source of income. I could pay my own bills and buy the things I needed without having to go to anyone. I have been diagnoised with 2 types of arthritis one of which is rhematoid. Also, I have a herniated disk and a perforated disk in my back that causes me severe pain. This has affected my life and my marriage in so many ways all of which are negative. He is so insensitive to my condition and feels like I should be able to carry on like I use to. He makes me feel so sad.
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replied May 8th, 2012
Hi I know how you are feeling. I am around the same age as you with one child. I found out that my husband has been cheating on me. I want to leave him but I don't want to mess thing up for my kid with going through a divorce until till she is old enough.
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replied May 8th, 2012
Hi I know how you are feeling. I am around the same age as you with one child. I found out that my husband has been cheating on me. I want to leave him but I don't want to mess thing up for my kid with going through a divorce until till she is old enough.
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replied May 15th, 2010
Depression
Hi
I've suffered from depression since I was 12, and I'm 22 now. Sometimes I feel like I had to grow up too fast, and because of that I didn't do it well.

My father died 3 years ago. Even though, when he was alive he didn't care for us too much since he already had a family of his own. My brother is a schizo who hit us when he could, and my mother is negligent. When I was young I was tired of having to go to the neighboor's house crying my heart out to ask for their phone to call the police, just to receive this look they gave me as if I was nothing. Nobody has even tried to help me or even talk to me.

I've lived alone for 5 years now, but I've actually been alone my whole life.
I've always wanted somebody to talk to. Somebody who is actually as damaged as I am, so he/she would understand and keep talking to me even if my life is not great and I have no much to offer but to listen in return.

I would appreciate if somebody wants to correspond with me, write me.
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replied March 17th, 2012
Hey, I would love to talk with you.
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replied June 1st, 2010
hi im lauren n i also suffer from depression. i have been suffering for about 4 years now but i dont like to tell many people. it mainly started when i was little. my uncle got ran over by a lorry and cant have kids which makes him angry. my grandad died. all before i was 5. my mum and dad got divorced when i was 5. they used to use alot of violence and there was often alot of blood. they argued after they got divorced which ended up one of them bein taken to court. then my mum ended up suffering with depression, causing her to do something stupid landing her at court. and she self harmed. we then moved shortly after. i didnt see my dad for 4 years and i had to start a new school which i hadnt done before and i left all my friends. id known them for 10 years n then we moved to other side of country. my oldest brother got badly bullied and my other brother got arrested alot of the time. since we have moved nearer our family, evertime there is a family get together e.g christmas. family members seem to get drunk and fight. my mum n uncle have had fights infront of us which ended them both in hospital. my mum is now 1 hit away from being blind and my uncle has anger problems. my brother also has anger problems. my oldest brother left home in a very unkind way and caused alot of arguments between his gf family and mine. the police got involved.by the age of 12 i had seen my mum, uncle grandma and brother all try to commit suicide and i ( very young) had to talk them round. at the age of 14 my uncle became a drug addict and my boyfriend had been diagnosed with lukemia ( cancer) and he died. now my life has not got much better. my grandma is very ill and my mum has became quite addicted to alcohol. which ends up causing more arguements and violence me and my brother have to look after the house and sister. as well as her and its really upseting. but its mostly me as he has a job. my attendance at school is not good but i cant tell them the true reason why i dont come. i got my exams and im worried i will fail because of my lack of concentration and attendance. my sister has also became very ill and is on medication for the rest of her life. i have just ended a bad relationship and all my friends are arguin and dont know my situation.

i cant take much more Sad
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replied October 16th, 2010
I dont want to say my name but i am so depressed and i think alot about killing myself i just want to get away dont have anyone to talk to anyone to turn too at all i hate him soo much wish he would just leave i raher struggle and be alone then have to deal with him anymore my life is soooo messed up i cant do anyhting that i want to do with my life because of him i ask the lord all the time to help me through this and he dont i dont know y i have to look after myself and kids and not think about nobody else my kids love me if nobody else do i have to think about them
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replied November 8th, 2010
Not a good time.
Hi. My name is Maitie (Maddie) and I have been suffereing from something. I have no idea. I guess I'm just always the friend there for other people...and they suspect that I don't need anyone. I'm not that tough. I act like it at school. I put a smile on my face and walk around like nothing is wrong. Well. When my mom got engaged to a complete wierdo, things took turn for the worse. He;s not abusive. Just SUPER tight with his money. I am now 14, and my sister is 16. We've been sleeping in the same bunk-beds since I was 3 and she was 5. Ridiculous. We move around every 6 months or so, and right when I find a good friend...we up and go again. I haven't really thought of suicide...I just really need someone that wont judge me at all. That just listens and might give me a piece of advice. That would make life... SO much easier! I just cried over me having to vacuum. It was the last straw to break the camels back. And now I just don't know what to do. Please help.
-In need.
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