Hello all, this is my 1st time ever visiting this site, or any online site about drug addiction for that matter. I'm a 20 year old male, and I should say I have been on adderall for close to a year now. Perscribed, because I have ( I guess you could say ) a severe depression problem. I am extremely reclusive, I hate to leave my computer. In no way would I go to a public rehab center for my problems, so I have chosen to come here. I'm not sure if I will get much help, but reading the past few adderall addiction posts leads me to belive there are many people viewing with adderall experiences. These posts scare me, in the sense that they remind me of myself. I was perscribed to take 2, 20mg adderall ( non-extended-release, however this was my choice, I thought the buzz kicked in faster... ), and once spring semester was over ( having withdrew from all my classes ), my doctor told me to drop it down to one 20 mg pill a day. I am depressed as I mentioned above, with a chronix anxiety disorder, which origionally brought me to adderall. I now don't seem to want to take only 1 adderall a day, but I find myself not only taking my normal dose (2 a day ) but sometimes up to 4 or 5. Note that when I say day, I mean from the span of time where I wake up to where I fall asleep. I'm on the most rediculous sleeping schdule right now, having been up for 30 - some hours, completely brain dead almost. I feel like my brain is not functioning right, and I seem to be getting worse. My eating habits have been very odd, whereas I will be extremely hungry, go upstairs to make myself some food, take one or two bites and be full. Except i'm not full, I feel like i'm normal. It's extremely hard to describe, but you adderall users know the feeling, im sure. I feel like I always have to be doing something, and since I rarely leave my computer room, it's all mental activities. I feel if im not reading, playing a game, watching something, or smoking - then I need to be immediately. I feel confused in many ways, not so much about my sexuality, but my life in general. I had it all going, until I fell into the horrible depression chasm. My emotions are everywhere, and I often get dizzy spells, feel like my heart is beating too fast, and almost always having a head rush. I used to love the feeling of adderall, I was positive that my depression had been cured from this mystery drug which was only meant to help me focus better in school. I was doing a ton better, but my friends and family noticed changes in me. Dispite the dilated pupils, my close friends and family say that I am very giddy, I talk a ton ( never shut up ), and can never stand still. I have a very difficult time staying focused on one specific activity when im not on adderall. I had been a heavy marijuana smoker since my senior year in high school ( 2 years ago or so ), and started smoking again on adderall. This was definately a bizzarre experience for me, whenever around my friends and I smoked I would have horrible panic attacks. However when I am alone and I smoke when on adderall, its a different story. It's makes me zone out completely, almost intensifying the adderall "buzz" and adding in someting else. I am still addicted to marijuana, but I am most concerned about the adderall. I feel like i'm one of the characters from "fear and loathing", because i'm so out of my mind right now. When I do manage to fall asleep, I sleep for 25-40 hours at a time, which is not like me at all. I just can't wake up without sleeping for that long it seems, and now i'm having the thoughts of "well it's 5:30 am already ( having plans for later in the day with family ), might as well just stay up for it, because if I try to sleep I won't wake up to go out." so I will stay up and be brain dead for the rest of the time i'm awake.
I'm sorry for going on and on, mainly the point of this post is to try to acquire some further information on how to successfully quit taking adderall. I feel like I have hit rock bottom, and I have noone to tell. I can't tell my doctor yet, because she might lower my adderall perscription, or even switch me to something else, or even (worst yet ) take me off them completely. It's a horrible thought, but i'm trying to be honest with myself and tell the true facts. I want to help myself, but I dont know if I can.
I was really hoping, if any of you out there reading it ( hopefully made it this far! ), have had an adderall addiction in the past, or are currently addicted to it and trying to go clean
i just need someone to talk to, to hear other peoples experiences, and ask some questions of my own - and to basically just talk about my problems with someone who knows what i'm going through, I think it could really help. It can be completely anonymous if you want it to be, or any way you want it. I just need someone to talk to in private if at all possible.
On a side note, I forgot to mention that my doctor also perscribes 37.5 mg of paxil for me, which I take once a day; as well as 0.25 or 0.025 (i forget ) of klonopin, which I don't take often, only for panic attacks. I am thankful I am not addicted to klono's, as i've heard that they are quite addictive. I also thought it odd to be on an upper and a downer at the same time, I rarely mix the two.
Well that's it for me, I thank you all for your time, and for reading parts of my story, and I pray for anyone else out there going through the same thing as I am. I will check my e-mail usually whenever i'm around my computer and not playing games, if you do decide to follow up with me. I appreciate all the support and information given to me, and thank you all once again.
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