Ok, so I think that I have been depressed for around 3 years now, but it has been off and on. Like I will be major depressed for weeks, then I will have a good 2 weeks, then depression will set in again. I think my problem is that I have no self confidence, I mostly hate myslef and how I look, and I hate my life. My friends, I like them sometimes, but othertimes, they just do not care about me. I have thought about suicide many many times, but never have the guts to do it. So all I do is scratch my ankles just so maybe that pain can over ride my other pain. I also cry myslef to sleep alot and it takes me al least 2 hours to get to sleep sometimes. I also had a form of an eating disorder for a few years and now it is coming back cause I hate myself. The only other person I have told that I thought I was depressed was my mom, and she laughed at me and told me I was being silly. I am in a band too, and I do not like playing solo cause I have no self confidence and if I screw up, my self assurance will go down the tube, but the ipe major insists that I play solo and I can not take it! After band I cry so much and I hate myself cause the odds are I screwed it up. I am really afraid to tell my friends, becuase I have another friend that is depressed and she is on medication, and everyone treats her differently and I do not want that. I never show that I am depressed to anyone, I always put on a smile for my friends cause I am the "nice funny one" and I do not want people to act differently around me. I do not know if I should see a doctor or anything, so any advice would be super. Thanks