You are very correct, you do not have to explain yourself to anyone and all I am trying to do is to help you. There is a lot of help out there for you, you just have to make the 1st step, my suggestion is mental health and please do not think that I am trying to tell you that you are crazy, because you are not, it is just that we all need help sometime in our lives.
The very best to you!
Sincerely,
sandy