Your husband is a big jerk.

My advise for you is to get a good divorce attorney and make sure you and your children are taken care.

My sister is going through a divorce because her husband cheated on her. They both were not financially in a good situation and he probably would have stayed married and cheated until it was convenient to leave. My sister did kick him out. They have two girls 10 and 8.

You need to do what is best for both you and your girls. Your husband surely is not looking out for it.

I hope you get through this rough time.

I believe that your husband is playing head games with you.

You need to take control of the situation and not be a victim.

You need to make sure you get custody of your girls as well as financially be stable.

Your husband will probably find his finances being strained. I don't know how this will effect your business also.

I hope you have some good family and friends who will help give you some good insight and support (as well as a good attorney).

The divorce laws seem to be more no-fault (even though your husband broke your marriage contract). But the laws are more to make your children whole, keep their current standard of living no matter which parent they live.

I would not trust your husband and again you need to look out for your best interest because he surely is not.

Tom

I am 42 and have just experieinced the same. My husband told me he was finished with our marriage we have been together over 20 years. He was living at our house for about 6 weeks after he said that was it. We are hoping to sell our home and move seperately. Last week he informed me that he was moving out and in with the girlfriend. Aparently this affair didnt start until after week broke up. 2 weeks after. He does see the kids however not often and we have a schedule for him to be with them but if it interferes with a social engagement he brings them home early. He asks me if I have a boyfriend. Not sure why maybe jealous maybe to ease his guilt. I am very proud of how I have handled this situation. I have focused on my children and on me. Not once have I lost my cool. Reason because I dont want someone who does not want me. Be brave you will become whole again. Keep in mind that it takes two to make it and only one to break it. Focus on you and your kids. And think of everything positive that you can. You are now free to one day find someone who can love you the way you should be loved.

Thank you tomz and 1dayatatime for your thoughts and advice. Sometimes having outsiders looking in helps you see whats happening. I am sorry for what you are going through ,1day, . Some days I feel strong...But in all honesty, I think the reality of it all is just setting in. I am very hurt and feel very alone. And i, too, focus on my children and myself more. I do not understand how someone can just walk away from their family for someone they barely know. He asks me if we can be friends...But I find it hard to be friends. I want him to hurt the way I have hurt. He tells me that he wished none of this ever happened. But he also says there is nothing he can do to change it, that things could never be the same again. I am very family oriented and sometimes I have wondered if we could , in fact, try again. But although he says little things to lead me to believe we could get back together, I know he does not want that.....At least right now. Maybe he hasn't gotten it "out of his system". I know I need to move on.....It's just the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. I so wish there was a quick "remedy' for a broken heart. Maybe I should get out and do things with friends..Although I really do not have the desire to do so. How do you cope 1dayatatime?
Thanks again tomz and 1day for your replies.

I am twenty so not exactly a child, but in july of 2003, right after my high school graduation, my mother caught my father cheating on her with a friend of the family. My parents had been married for twenty years! I had lived in the same house my entire life. Everyone around us thought we had the perfect family, financially stable, always took family vacations…. I mean everything seemed perfect. I don’t know for sure how long my father had been with this woman but it seems like for a minimum of two years before my mom found out.
It has been sooooo hard for all of us, my mom, me and my little brother (17 now). People always think that if the kids are older its not so bad. Through my experience I think it is worse. The best time for the kids is when they are toddlers because they don’t really understand what is going on. At the age of 18 like I was it was so difficult, I still have issues with this. It screwed up the relationship I was in too, because I was so angry that I felt like I couldn’t trust any man, imagine, to me my dad was my hero.

Anyone out there going through a divorce please do not put your children in it. My parents would both call me to cry and tell me what they think. It was so hard for me to hear or see my mom and my dad cry. Everyone on the outside of it would tell me don’t involve yourself, it’s not your problem. Though this may be true that’s impossible, because it’s my family.

It’s been two years and my mom still isn’t okay, its been really though.

It’s true what 1dayatatime says you are worth so much more than that. You don’t need to beg anyone to stay with you or love you that way you deserve to be loved. I personally do believe in forgiveness because hey everyone makes mistakes, but don’t forgive someone because they got tired of the other person, or because now they see they are sorry. You should know your husband well enough to know if he really deserves another chance and if he really cares and is really sorry. But believe me you don’t need him, or any other man that isn’t going to treat you the way god wants him too.

As far as your girls are concerned, now they more than at any other time need to be your number one concern. Observe them, don’t let them get depressed, and if they don’t talk to you about it, ask them how they feel, ask them questions, because trust me they think about it just as much as you do. Don’t let them keep their emotions inside its not healthy. It’s okay to cry everyday for as long as it takes.

Thanks chula for your advice. You have given me much insight on how my children must be feeling. When all this first happened, I did find myself crying in front of my children. But, I did realize that it has got to be hard on them to see me cry. I am now on an emotional rollercoaster...I seem fine some days, other days I am a mess. My children keep me going. They seem like they must stay busy all the time. It's like if they slow down, they get sad. They really miss their dad and sometimes I sense anger against their father. They are 12 and 10. My husband seems to be living without any guilt right now...Going to parties, concerts, and just living it up. I do not understand how anyone can hurt their children like he has. A parents role is to protect their children..Not hurt them. Any advice coming from kids that have been thru' this is greatly appreciated. I want to make this transition as easy as possible for them. My son comes to me all the time and says, "you need a hug dont ya mom?" when, in fact, I really believe that it is he that needs the hug. I assure them all the time that it was nothing they done to cause this mess. I tell them every day that I will never leave them..I will always be there for them. How do you heal a child's broken heart? Thank you again for your insight on the situation(s).