Hi there, I have a similar story to some of the posts on this forum, I went on holidays last year to spain and about 4 days in me and my 15 mates went to a club and got smashed. The morning after I could not form a sentence or look anyone in the eye, I payed for an early flight home and ever since have not had proper contact with my friends. I have detached myself and I think now that everyone has come to the conclusuion that I have lost the plot this happened about 10 months ago and gradually as time has passed I have seen an improvement but still I am a cause for concern. I'm paranoid about most things mainly when talking to people I always question myself after a conversation to whether what I said made sense and before I know it I reckon I may have been arguing with myself for around half an hour or so. I can plug along going to work and then home after but thats it, it feels like everyday is the same you know before I used to live for the weekend now I dread it as I know i'll have to come in contact with my friends. I know it sounds stupid but I actually cringe when i'm with them I don't know why but I do, I lose cfontrol when i'm around them i'll just come out with random outbursts and my thoughts are elsewhere i'll keep it short as I could go on forever not that I have mind!!! I'm on fluoxetine at the moment and have tried citalopram prior to this I am serious about going through with ect it's just finding out where and how much!!! Please get back to me much love x
Ect!? Well looking over your situation it doesn't seem that extreme to go to extreme measures!
At the moment i'm on antidepressants and theorpy.
There was a point where I had been so damn depressed that I to went through as though I didn't know who I am or where I was going to through life as I felt as though I shouldn't even be exisiting on this earth because the whole world felt as though it was against me. It came to the point where all I wanted to do was sleep, and dreaded the fact of having to go to work because the feeling of being looked at while out and about scared the crap out of me because well I felt as though I was an "abnormality."
i felt left out of my group of friends because my mind was so jumbled up that if I said anything I felt as though that it would come out as jibberish.
So it came to the point where I was making excuses not to go out and hang out where I knew there would be a crowd of people. I'm in a relationship, I was at the point where I was actually happy for my boyfriend to go out on his own!
Your mind is your own enemy, that's what I have learnt and it's when you over come thoughts is the biggest challenge, however I couldn't do it alone if my mother and boyfriend encouraged me to go and get help.
There is two ways to go:
let you mind take over and drive yourself even more crazier.
get out and reach out for help.
Found out what is really wrong with you because all I know is that if your considering ect, then you may be bipolar? Don't try to diganose yourself. Meaning if your doctor will recommend it....
Best of luck, things do get better, even though when we're in such a situation it doesn't feel like life will get better.
Thanx for the reply, it's good to know i'm not on my own, I tell you what I think would really help is if there was a local help group where I could meet people who are in the same situation. I think it would help because I haven't actually had someone who i've been able to talk to seriously about the situation i've had counselling but we came to conclusion that there is no cure for paranoia but reassurance. So if I could meet a few people and be taken seriously about the situation I think that would lift me a little, I know we carry on like this but when I think about it I don't want to!!!
I'm sure there is tones of support groups, it doesn't hurt to try :d
yeah paranoia is pretty scarry. I still have it now and again and thats what drove me to hardly hanging out with my friends because every time I would enter a room I think that immediately they are talking about me, but in code! There was even a stage where I thought my own boyfriend was against me! So I have some understanding.
And since coming to this forum it's been helping as well.
Another thing, I use to be in that same frame of mind I have been going to many couselling since my early teens and I felt it never helped.
But this time i'm giving it one more go but with a proper physcotheropist.
I'm looking forward to the day where I can finally shout out to the world i'm happy!
Tell me about it i'm praying for that brighter day!!!
Do you ever get this right? I'll be talking to someone face to face and they'll make a joke and expect me to laugh naturally, but i'll either just look at them blankly or i'll turn my head and my smile will instantly turn into a frown and my mind will be blank. I look like a right fool and I tell you the feeling I get when that happens is unbearable it is overwhelming and I can't control it and when I have it I think that everyone is either looking at me or they know that i've got that feeling!!!
This amongst other things has changed my life pathetic as it sounds cos I don't socialise due to this!!! Do you think there could be any reason why I get paranoid about my mates even when I think about some of them I cringe!!!
Well have you tried telling your friends that your going through a tuff time at the moment?
Because letting them know what is going on with you may even help you a little bit.
Just last week I had a sit down with one of my friends because I had been carrying guilt that I have been abusing my friends friendships. I apologised for being so distant and not being what true friends are meant to be. Since then it's made me a tad better, but I still get nervous.
Friends are meant to be there for your regardless, so let them know rather than keeping it to yourself because if no one knows what you are going through then people are just going to keep one wondering and eventually they may even start to distance themselves from you.
I know it's hard when your in the sort of frame of mind that your in.
You have to remember, that its all really just in your head.