Why Would He Contact Me Now Posted: 06-08-05 09:10am
I have had a strong emotional attachment
to this guy for 2 1/2 years. He stopped
talking to me a year and 4 months ago. I
got an email from him that said that he
had some news for me - that he was having
a baby in 2 months with his girlfriend
that he met a year and four months ago.
Why would he tell me that? What does he
want from me -- he stopped talking to me
for her and now he wants me to be
supportive and happy for him. What do I
do? It hurts.
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tarbaby
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 07 Jun 2005 Posts: 19
Posted: 06-08-05 12:33pm
I would be hurt as well. I think if I
were in your shoes I wouldn't even
acknowledge the e-mail. Or you can send
him a big congrats. I personally
wouldn't respond to it.
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PantherCub
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 29 May 2005 Posts: 13 Location: Darwen - Lancashire
Posted: 06-13-05 07:54am
Hi greengirl,
I can totally understand what your going
through and if you would like to chat you
know where I am ok.
I started a relationship some 8 years ago
with a guy I met online who lived over 200
miles away from me. We agreed that we
wouldnt get to attached to each other due
to us both not getting over our last
relationships and would just be friends,
this became more than friends over a
matter of months and within a year are so
we both told each other that we loved each
other and would like to spend more time
together which was hard for me as I had
three children to look after.
Within about a year he had found someone
else who lived in the same town as him and
still wanted to see me behind her back,
which because I loved him so much I agreed
to do until I come to my sences and
decided to tell him that it was over as I
didnt feel that it was fair on his
girlfriend and also on me as it felt as if
my head was getting battered around
emotionally knowing there wouldnt be any
chance of just me and him while his with
someone else anyway. So we just remained
friends a met up every now and again just
as friends.
I met my current partner online and I
fell in love once again and felt that this
wouldnt also be right as I knew that even
though I wanted to remain friends it wasnt
easy with knowing the feelings from the
past. So time went one and me and my
partner decided to try for a baby together
after a relationship of 3 years and living
together. When I become pregnant I knew
that it was teh end of the friendship as I
kept getting emails at this stage out of
the blue of him telling how much he still
loved me and wanted to see me, so I
decided to change email addresses, user
names and everything as he started
stalking the message boards I also visited
as well as logging into my email accounts
and so on.
When I had my baby in october 2003 I
received an email (just like you) saying
he had also become a dad a couple of weels
before. I like you dont know why he sent
me this, maybe it just trying to see if we
get jelouse and want them back, but its
not as easy as that when you remember the
past.
If you want to chat you know where I am
anyway ok? Just pm me.
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greengirl
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 08 Jun 2005 Posts: 5
Posted: 07-14-05 20:36pm
I broke down and said the classic 'i wish
you the best and you'll be a great dad'
line thinking that was the right thing to
do - but it just made me mad because that
was what he wanted and now I feel fake.
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nichol
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 29 May 2005 Posts: 17
Posted: 08-02-05 15:24pm
Maybe he thought ud email him back and get
all emotional telling him u miss him or
cuss him out. Sometimes I think some
guys feed off that stuff...Like they think
they still have some control.
Im not sure what I would have done. I
would have wanted to cuss him out and say
I didnt give a crap. Or not have sent
anything.
But I think ur email was probably fine cuz
he probably thought he would upset u in
some way and u didnt let it show. Ever
hear anything else?
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greengirl
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 08 Jun 2005 Posts: 5
Posted: 08-02-05 18:41pm
Never heard a reply -- I still want to
tell him off. I don't want any pics sent
of the kid, the girlfriend and him. The
kid is due any day now and i'm dreading an
email.
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nichol
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 29 May 2005 Posts: 17
Posted: 08-02-05 19:53pm
If he sends a pic or something id probably
tell him off and tell him that u feel its
needless for him to contact u. I think
it would be different if u two had been
friends after breakin up and in contact
before but it makes no sense for him to be
contacting u now. If u dont wanna mess
with it at all u could always block his
email address...If it was me id probably
have to tell him off first though. Some
people are insensitive.
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greengirl
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 08 Jun 2005 Posts: 5
Posted: 08-02-05 20:57pm
I agree - thanks :)
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NYChris3
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 03 Oct 2005 Posts: 1 Location: Brooklyn NY
Let His G/f Know Posted: 10-08-05 23:28pm
I'm a guy, and I know for a fact that he's
doing this just to see if you still care,
so a reply of telling him off, or letting
him think in any way that it bothers you
lets him win, and gives him exactly what
he wants. Just to upset you is his goal,
don't play into it! Wish him the best,
tell that you hope for the child to
healthy, and mention to him that you guys
are over, and that you are sure that his
companion wouldn't apreciate to much that
he chooses to contact you or still has
feelings for you, and that you , yourself
are dating and have no desire or reason
to keep in touch with him, and would
appreciate that he keeps his life seperate
from yours"
cussing is letting him win, and showing
weakness on your part. Portraying full
emotional detactment from him will bother
him, and if anything, might want him to
lash at you, and if he does, laugh at it,
cause you've won. He misses you, and
wants to know how you feel about this,
show no feelings, and show him how strong
you are, weakness is what he wants!!!
Good luck!
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greengirl
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 08 Jun 2005 Posts: 5
Posted: 11-14-05 21:36pm
You're right - weakness is exactly what he
wants and didn't get. Thanks for the
post!
