People with eating disorders are afraid to let go for fear of putting on weight.A fairly simple idea.But the ironic thing is that once you start eating properly,whi;e you may gain at first,once you maintain a healthy and balanced diet,your weight will stablise and become normal for you.A scary but at the same time enviab;e thought.You have to ask yourself,would I rather weigh six stone and be buried six feet under or weigh a healthy nine stone and be living the brilliant life that I deserve ? You are not your body.It is simply a vehicle getting you from one place to another.All this pain and sadness can be gotten rid of by lettin go.It may take months or more than likely years but you can be free of it.Do you want to live out your years avoiding food and definetly dying before you are 25 ? Because that is where you're heading.Sorry to be cruel but we both know it's the trutj.Let go jenny.F*ck what the weighing scales says and live your life how you want to,not according to your weight.


A life lived in fear is a life half lived.

I know I talked about weight but its not about that. You see because eating disorders are about the way we think and feel its not truely about how we look or weigh. When are thinking is more free, when we think more positively we become happier within ourselves, in a sense our thinking becomes lighter. People with an ed have such a negavtive out look on themselves and there thinking is so dark and so heavy and as a result we carry that thinking with us, in us and that is how we think we are fat, that is why we feel like monsters when we look in the mirror. Its only when we change our thinking that we feel lighter both in our minds and body, regardless of weight.
I am more talking about the weight of my mind, it is so heavy and although my body is too, they are both linked and so its a cycle, its a catch 22.
Its not so much that we fear we will put on weight because recovery is not about that, recovery is about freeing yourself from your thought which can be so heavy and scary yet they are confortable. We don't want to recover because we are afraid we will put on weight, we are afraid to recover because we will think and feel so different and thats the scary thing. Imagine thinking differently, it would be scary because that is what we have known for so long, our negativity is so safe because its were we are confortable whether or not is causes us pain.
We don't want to change our thinking because we don't know what other way to think and when someone tells us it can get better but your thinking has to change, you stand back and say no because you don't want to change your thinking, you just want to change your body but no one realises that you will change your body, you will become lighter just by thinking lighter.
Its a cycle which can be broken with help but then again isn't it a safe cycle to be in? I think so although I know it can be better, I am safer where I am, I know where I am, I don't know anything else. We are so afraid of the unknown, so afraid that we will lose control when the truth is, we are not in control, we never have been but will can be.
We are so consumed with so many fears that we let them blind us, we let them hold us back, we let our fears live through us, its evil almost
evil - live, the same word spelt backwards, coicindence?

How can you say you are safe where you are ? You are not safe and you know it.I don't want to be like nagging you but it's beyond me how you can be so intelligent and yet not realise your capabilities.You understand full and well that if you do not recover,you will live out your life unhappily.There's no two ways about it.And yet tyou also know that while recovery may be taking a scary step into the unknown,it's not going to do as much harm as staying where you are.Life does not have to be like this.You and every other person with an ed deserve to be happy.And you can be.You know what you have to do.And you have the basic structure of recovery there.You have all the information you could want,a whole load of people who love you to bits and are willing to help and you have time on your side.You are young.You've already wasted years of your life on this.How long more are you going to give to it.
'm going to stop there because I don't want you for one minute to think that i'm not on your side because believe me I am and I know where you are coming from.But please ask yourself,what are you so afraid of ? What way of thinking could be any worse than this way of thinking ?

Nothing is good or bad but thinking makes it so.

I don't want you to be on my side, I think you should be on your side. Its so much more complaclted then that, everyone is different and everyone's eating disorder is different. There are some things that you can't understand about me and thats ok because there will be some things I won't understand about you but just remember that all ed's are different and there is a huge difference between knowing something and believing it. I know alot but there are is so much other stuff involved to recovery than knowing something.
I didn't write that post to get people to recover because I can't do that, its out of my hands, everyone's recovery is up to them, people can help but thats all they can do, the person with the ed has to do the work.
I came on forum just to write thats all.
I know you want to help me and be there for me but I would much rather that you help yourself, you deserve it and I will recover when the time is right for me.
You see we write to each other but its ridicilous because neither of us are doing anything about recovery, neither of us are doing something positive to help ourselves. How can I take advice from you when I know that you are puking your guts up or binging as you write to me? The same goes for me, I have no right to give you advice because I am not taking my own.
You would help me much more if you practiced what you preached, that is how we help people and advice them, take action and show by example not by words, its just doesn't work like that.
I know your a very caring person and that is a great way to be but try and care about yourself first because in the long run that is what will help people, that is what will help you give advice. You can't give advice on being recovered because your not and neither am i.
Better go, take care!

Point taken and i'm sorry if I seemed preachy.I realise thatyou must be sick of people telling you all that sh*t.I hate the thoughts of you being so unhappy and not being able to help you.But hey that's life ! Hope you're ok xxx

Sorry if I was harse, I didn't mean to be. I know you are just doing what you can and what you think is right. I care for you as well and I don't want to see you unhappy although I know you are. Its difficult to see people hurt so much and not being able to help them, all we can do is help ourselves and hope that in time they will follow in our footsteps.
We both care alot and thats a good thing but we have to be careful because we could end up caring so much that in the end we could get hurt.
I'll talk to you soon k, enjoy the bank holiday, take care

love me.

I do love you (hehe) nah you weren't harsh,just honest and that's the best way to be.I totally get what you were saying and you're right.How can we expect to be able to help others if we can't help ourselves.At least we realise that though ! That's something !

Hi there! Please start listening to yourself and others that have been there! I have been there, and I am not going back, I know that it is hell,
i work with them now, some will never function properly, they waited tooo long, please do not allow this to happen to you. If you need another counselor, get another one. Going to the gym is great but keep in mind that muscles=weight gain and this is whaat will happen @ the gym.
Good luck to you all!
Sincerely,
sandy

Thank you for your reply. I am in therapy and my therapists are wonderful, I wouldn't go anywhere else. I know there are alot of complacations which can accure as a result of eating disorders but I don't seem to be bothered with that, like many others I think none of that will happen to me although it could, I don't really believe it.
One day I hope to work with people with eating disorders but I will see, sometimes I don't want to even live through the next day so i'll see what happens in time.
You are great to be recovered and helping others, well done you are extremely strong and very brave.
Thanks for your concern but I am fine thanks.
Take care!