I've never posted something like this, but I really need some advice and help. I don't know where to turn.

I've been dating my current bf for about 7 years - I am 25. We met in high school, wrote letters for like 2 years, and then starting visiting each other through college. We went to different schools and it was long distance. I eventually moved out to the west coast and he followed once he got out of graduate school.

Through the long distance, we had an open relationship, but neitehr of us did much. We were committed to being together. I have more experience than him however.

We have now been living together for the past 2 years. I love him and think he is a great match for me. I also think they could be a long term future for us.

However, a few months ago I was sick with tonsilitis and didn't seem to be getting better. My bf chose that time to tell them that 3 years before he'd had a one night stand with a girl he'd picked up at a bar. He felt bad and lied to me about it. He also convinced me that I was hiv positive which was why I was sick. I had to get tested. Through the whole stressful time, he did not get himself tested. I had to handle everything myself. It was like he was paralyzed.

I guess I lost a lot of respect for him. Since then, I guess i've found myself being interested in other people physically. A flirtation with a close friend turned into us hooking up and sleeping together. I lied to my bf about it, but i'm a bad liar and he found out.

Partially, I wasn't sure he deserved the truth since he'd lied to me. But also, it wasn't really about my bf. I still love him and want to be with him.

But now I still want to hook up with the other guy, and also other people. My bf says that if I do that, then he has to see other people too and it will ruin our relationship.

I fear he is right, but I have these strong urges now. It almost feels like a mid-life crisis.

Anyone have any advice? I can't seem to see the situation clearly!!
I guess I lost a lot of respect for him.