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Relationships > Relationships and Marriage Forum > Porn In a Relationship.. Bad Thing? (Page 1)
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Q: Porn In a Relationship.. Bad Thing?
asked by: coolguy19 on June 2nd, 2005
New User
Hey guys.. This is my first post here on the forums. I have a question..

My girlfriend and I have been going out for almost a year now, and at the moment we only get to see eachother on weekends because i'm working out of town. When i'm away from her, I really miss her a lot. Sometimes when i'm bored I might look around on the web at some porn, download a few videos and what-not. Do you guys think this is ok? I told her that I look at porn every now and then and she said "it's no big deal as long as it's not all the time".. But I find myself often looking at porn.

I guess what it is is that I just get kind of bored sitting around, so i'll decide to check out some porn for some excitement. I feel as though I might be doing something wrong.. But it's like I can't help it you know. It's not wrong of me to look at porn while were apart is it? As soon as we are together again for the weekend, the thought of downloading any porn at all just dissapears completely. Then after the weekend i'm back at home checking out some porn.. Arg it almost feels like i'm doing something wrong. Is it wrong for me to even consider looking at porn or is it just like a normal thing?
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whisper2me
replied on June 2nd, 2005
New User
My relationship with my fiance is very open. When it comes to porn, it's not just him watching it but every now and then i'll enjoy watching one with him. In regards with how it's affected our relationship, porn is an interesting media to imitate (if you're comfortable enough) with your partner. It can be enjoyable, even funny, and you two might find things you like. Sex should be enjoyed however and unselfish. If you feel guilty, you should talk to your girlfriend about these feelings. She has a right to know where you stand emotionally on the subject before it has a chance to escalade into a bigger issue than is is or might become. Who knows, maybe she'd enjoy exploring new sexual and sensual boundaries with you. =)
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anxietyfreak
replied on July 1st, 2005
Experienced User
Porn, is the one main factor that causes mine and my b/f's arguements, like I told him I dont care if he watches it when im not with him, but just dont get obbsessed over it, because I just find it wrong because it's like if a guy watches porn so much that when he gets with his girl that hes not even going to be attracted to her ne more, and not wanna hvae sex with her becaz he was enjoying himself so much! Thats just my opinion though not saying it in a mean way. Lol it's just that porn is the main thing me and my man always argue about.
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tibby
replied on August 16th, 2005
New User
I've had different experiences with porn with my ex and current bf.

I love porn, always have.

My ex watched alot of porn and it upset me mainly because he wasn't interested in sex with me. It seriously affected my self-image and self-worth. It ruined our relationship.

My current boyfriend also likes porn and we watch it together often. The difference is, for him, porn adds to our relationship and romps in the bedroom (or wherever the mood strikes us). Porn is not a substitute for me.

As long as you still show your desire for her, she shouldn't feel insecure or threatened.
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kkkaaayyyy
replied on September 7th, 2005
Experienced User
Porn Is Awsome.
I dont think it's a bad thing to experience porn with your mate, I enjoy porn, always have. I beleive that you grow with your partner, and can experience some new sexual pleasures by watching porn. Thats just my opinion, and it's seamed to work for me! :)
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wife2jason_mom2ryley
replied on September 21st, 2005
Experienced User
Okay, well personally I don't mind my husband looking at porn as long as i'm looking at it with him. On a few occasions before we were married he told me that he watched (looked at...Whatever) alone and I kind of felt jealous, like I wasn't good enough. It also made me wonder what the girls in the porn looked like, I mean if they looked better then me and if he enjoyed looking at them instead of me. It's not a big issue in out relationship though and I don't think it should be in yours. If you feel so bad about it that it eats you up them just stop...Find something else to do to occupy your time. It's great that you were honest with your girl friend about it...And it sounds to me like she doesn't mind just as long as you don't get addicted.

Teresa

good luck!!!
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angel6932
replied on September 25th, 2005
Active User, very eHealthy
?
See that is how I feel but my husband says I am being jelous.. Am i?
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Lilypad
replied on October 28th, 2005
Extremely eHealthy
Sounds like you are feeling guilty ....If it comes to the piont hwere you cant get as turned on by her because yuo are so used to porn then that is aproblem..Just dont let it get too out of hand.
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mum2bubba
replied on November 25th, 2005
Experienced User
It depends how upfront and honest you want to be with each other. If it were me I wouldn't care if my fiance looked at porn (i'd probably watch it with him) but if he was going behind my back and lying to me I would have a big problem with it.
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Captivating
replied on November 27th, 2005
New User
If any of you are looking for support in this area either in breaking free of pornography or other sexual issues or are the partners and are hurting and need support or to talk I belong to another forum

i would also recommend the books every man's battle for the guys and every heart restored for the wives or partner. There is also every woman's battle. My marriage has a pretty amazing testimony in regards to these types of issues. God bless
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Lilypad
replied on November 27th, 2005
Extremely eHealthy
You know what? I think if you only see her on the weekends you are probably just frustrated...As long as you are still horny for her when you see her maybe its not that bad.
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tonii9999
replied on January 4th, 2006
Experienced User
Hi
I now th efeeling about porn I think my man likes looking at rather then having sex with me we barly ever have sex
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Lilypad
replied on January 5th, 2006
Extremely eHealthy
I think porn can be a hinderance to a relationship. It just depends on the two individuals, if one is not okay with it then it should stay out of the relationship
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tonii9999
replied on January 5th, 2006
Experienced User
I agree I dont like it so last night befor we went to bed I told him u need to stop looking at porn or iam leaving he said ok I will stop- I will lock it of the comp
i wouldnt of cared if we were having sex but porn is getting in the way so he said we will work on it I said we will see







lilypad wrote:
i think porn can be a hinderance to a relationship. It just depends on the two individuals, if one is not okay with it then it should stay out of the relationship
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lyndseysara
replied on February 9th, 2006
New User
Hi. I am hurt. I am confused. I don't know what to do. I don't know if I am the problem or what. Me and my boyfriend have been dating for about a year and a half, we've lived together for about 6 or 7 months. I found a bunch of porn on the computer. He looks at it everyday. He told me he only looked at it every now and then. He mostly looks at anal sex, asian chicks, and sometimes I find pictures of girls that look like they are in their teens. He is on the computer so much that we barley speak. He's going to iraq in about a month. It seems like he would rather look at porn than have sex with his girlfriend. He's upset because he says I invaded his privacy by looking at the cookies and the files on the internet options. That's all he focuses on. He doesn't think that this is a problem. He lied to me and then he says that he will stop looking at it. I don't think he has stopped, he justs locks the computer so that I can't get on to even check my e mail. I want this to work, i've n\kown this guy since we were in 5th grade. I love him and I don't want to just give up on him but I don't know what to do. Its like the computer is more important to him than our relationship.. He told me that he didn't think we were at the point in our relationship that I should be going through his stuff. I told him that I was sorry for going through his stuff and that at first it was just something that I stumbled upon. I also told him that that was an unfair statement for the simple fact that he wants me to wait for him for a year while he is in a iraq, and then when he comes back he wants to move out of state and he wants me to come with him, I agreed to do so no questions asked. So just exactly what point are we at. I also too the cords that hookd up to the internet so that I don't have to worry about porn beeing in my house.
That was probly wrong, but I don't know what to do.
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tonii9999
replied on February 9th, 2006
Experienced User
lyndseysara wrote:
hi. I am hurt. I am confused. I don't know what to do. I don't know if I am the problem or what. Me and my boyfriend have been dating for about a year and a half, we've lived together for about 6 or 7 months. I found a bunch of porn on the computer. He looks at it everyday. He told me he only looked at it every now and then. He mostly looks at anal sex, asian chicks, and sometimes I find pictures of girls that look like they are in their teens. He is on the computer so much that we barley speak. He's going to iraq in about a month. It seems like he would rather look at porn than have sex with his girlfriend. He's upset because he says I invaded his privacy by looking at the cookies and the files on the internet options. That's all he focuses on. He doesn't think that this is a problem. He lied to me and then he says that he will stop looking at it. I don't think he has stopped, he justs locks the computer so that I can't get on to even check my e mail. I want this to work, i've n\kown this guy since we were in 5th grade. I love him and I don't want to just give up on him but I don't know what to do. Its like the computer is more important to him than our relationship.. He told me that he didn't think we were at the point in our relationship that I should be going through his stuff. I told him that I was sorry for going through his stuff and that at first it was just something that I stumbled upon. I also told him that that was an unfair statement for the simple fact that he wants me to wait for him for a year while he is in a iraq, and then when he comes back he wants to move out of state and he wants me to come with him, I agreed to do so no questions asked. So just exactly what point are we at. I also too the cords that hookd up to the internet so that I don't have to worry about porn beeing in my house.
That was probly wrong, but I don't know what to do.
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tonii9999
replied on February 9th, 2006
Experienced User
...
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renascencewoman
replied on February 12th, 2006
New User
Absolutely, tonii! Isn't it supposed to be regarded as a tool for both in the relationship? It reminds me of therapists et al who say its ok for women to fantasize about actors etc. As long as the former don't get carried away and start trying to pursue it. Color me naive, but I cant see choosing a hand, lotion and images over a real human being (if said relationship didnt have any overly aggravating problems).

tonii9999 wrote:
i agree I dont like it so last night befor we went to bed I told him u need to stop looking at porn or iam leaving he said ok I will stop- I will lock it of the comp
i wouldnt of cared if we were having sex but porn is getting in the way so he said we will work on it I said we will see



lilypad wrote:
i think porn can be a hinderance to a relationship. It just depends on the two individuals, if one is not okay with it then it should stay out of the relationship
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hazel82
replied on March 3rd, 2006
New User
You sound like you feel guilty about looking at it?... Personally I am old fashioned about that kind of thing and hate porn when it is brought into a relationship...It has ruined relationships for me in the past!

But it depends on how she feels about you looking at it! If you know she is going to be hurt by you looking at it when you are appart then you should maybe feel guilty then but if she is ok with it then just accept that you are not doing a bad thing.
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tonii9999
replied on March 3rd, 2006
Experienced User
....
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