I feel the same way too. I struggle quite often day to day especially in the mornings it is the worst!!!...I have anxiety and I worry about many things in my life. I feel like something is wrong with me like I am not normal or something. And I also wonder what it would be like to be on medication to see if it would bring me anywhere near a normal state of happiness. I wish I was worry free :(. I also hate the fact that people say that this is all due to a chemical imbalance in our brains. I really hate that! I dont know if I should believe that or not. Id prefer to think that it is the way we chose to think. We need to fight off the irrational thoughts and it is hard work!. But we can do it!

I also do get jealous when I see people who are so confident and loud and talkative and not afraid of anything. Good for them, I am really happy for them, I just wish I was like that too. They appear so strong and I feel so weak. Like I have a weak character or something. I wonder why I was not born to be like that. I wish I were. I wish I could wake up in the morning and be so happy and fully of energy and life. I ride the roller coaster too. Some days are good and others not so.

Hearing it is a 'chemical imbalance' is annoying to hear, and it seems like it under estimates the real condition or something. But I believe it, I mean why else unless we have had some kind of real trauma in our lives would makes us think so irrationally. I have a case of ocd, obsessive compulsive disorder, and high anxiety, I worry about things constantly, which is what lead to my ocd, I thought if I do these certain things a certain way it will make my worries go away, but no I think it makes them worse sometimes I dont know. But when I was on medication it was what got me to be able to control it more, I still have it but people dont notice it like they used to and im now off the medication and am trying sooo hard to just fight with myself on my own and handle it without meds. There is no reason to feel sad for no reason? There is chemicals your lacking or have to much of and it can do that, but by those chemicals it causes to get into your *real* thinking too, so you still have to fight your own battles with the help of meds, I dont think medication is an instant worker, you still need therapy of your own or with a doctor. :)

Cheers miss.
Arg its just so fustrating though, its amazing that your mind is the true challenger! I've only just really starting seeing a therapist as I have been in and out since my teenage years and because I have been in and out I kinda bought it onto myself because I felt that all this talking a person who I beat has never gone through what we go through so I always thought that hey what are they people on about, they are just analizing here. Who knows hopefully this time will be different?

Coming off the meds how long were on you the meds for and was it harsd?

I think I was on the meds for about 2 years, but I had to try many before we found one that worked, and the one that worked just happend to be the more 'powerful' drug which meant it had more side effects, but I dealt with it. But then as I got better, and I had a bf I was always forgetting to take the meds, and after not taking them for a couple days I would get so dizzy and light headed I would sometimes almost fall over. But finally I made the discission I was through with the meds, and I just quit taking them, didnt talk to my doctor, nothing, and still to this day havnt been back to the doctors, haha. Sometimes I have a hard time, but mostly when I worry alot, like say if my boyfriend goes on a trip (his family lives in hawaii and we're in cali so he sometimes goes to visit, and the timing hasnt been right yet for me to go, but I get to go this summer yay) but while hes gone I worry about so many things and it can make my ocd go off the roof, but I really dont wanna go on meds again, im really working hard to get by on a normal life without the drugs, if anything I might start taking "buspar" again just for my anxiety. :)

Its great that you are off the meds.
Me i'm on my second lot! I started on aroprox poroxatine and now to mirtazapine, and being on the second lot it has boosted my apepite through the roof! See I smoke cigarettes (bad I know) but since being on these meds all I can do is eat and eat and the thought of having a cig is actually putting me off!
I too have a mild obd, like for example when i'm back from getting shopping from the supermarkets i'd be cleaning my hands right away, when I take the rubbish outside, i'd wash my hands straight away and I actually get a small panic attack when if I see someone drop a piece of food on the floor then pick up quickly and eat! Urgh! And whenever my boyfriend does something that involved "germs" i'm telling to go wash those hands. Yes my house can be clean, but i'm no too extreme.

I just feel like i'm so weak to be on meds, yes its helping, but only a little.
I hope you have a wonderful time in hawii! Oh would love to go there one day! I can't wait to travel the world one day!

Your post sounds familiar to me.I often feel angry and wonder what people are so annoyingly cheerful for.Are you male or female?I would never take medication myself as I don't believe in it.I just feel lonely sometimes and dont want relationships anymore.I also have bad dreams now and then.Can you remember if something happened in your past that made you feel this way?

Hi stillyoung
i'm female, and I use to have night terrors causing me not to want to go back to sleep. I would have some pretty full on intense dreams. Since taking meds it has helped me alot because I am now able to have interupted sleep, but doesn't meant the dreaming has stopped, i'm still getting some pretty intense dreams, meaning that there is alot of stuff that needs to get out. Which I am slowly slowly working on, I still dread going into social situations because as i've mentioned the fact people can have such a good time, where for me I feel like I just fade into the background. What has caused me to be the way I am, that i'm also slowly working on to by going to a psychotherapest, and this time i'm sticking to it because I think in the past when I have been in and out of psychotheropest and the point of unlocking I think thats when I bail. Deep down inside I know it was something that happened to me in the past, but because your mind is so powerful it has for some reason gotten supressed in order to "protect".
All in time I guess, all in time....
Hope that kinda answers your question, sorry if its not "hitting the head on the nail" stuff.

Hello again.I read your reply.Tell me do you have a boyfriend?I've only had 1 girlfriend in my life and I think it's because of my depression.What do you think?

yes I have been in a relationship now with my man for almost 3 years. I still to this day can't belive how lucky I am to have ended up with him. There have been times where i've told him to just leave, to get on out of my life because hey there a moments where I wished I was left alone, the thought still crosses my mind that I am better off being a loner. But in reality without him I don't think I would be here....What I is so amazing is the fact that he has stuck by no matter what.
I'm no saying its easy finding someone that is strong, believe me i've meet some down right wrong guys in my life! Eventually he came along.
But I do wonder is, is he really truely coping? Because I must admitt I can be very difficult to deal with!
It's not because of your depression, but its hard to say because I use to think that way to, because I was such a downer I always thought that i'm so ugly (still do now and again) that no one would ever let me in their life. But it happened.
It's just one of those things.....All I can say is, well when the time is right, the time will come :)

I know how you feel. I feel that way too. I'm so shy and quiet. I never go out cause I just feel like I don't fit in anywhere in this world. I've lost interest in everything and find it really hard to get out of beds in the morning. I have a boyfriend but I wonder why he's with me because he said it drives him nuts me being miserable sometimes.
I worry about things too much and get into a state about stupid little things.
A couple of years ago I took anti depressants but I got side affects, had freaky dreams and got suicidal so I stopped taking them.