Don't know the difference between "normal" bipolar and "acute bipolar mania"...It's nowhere on the web. I've been dating this great guy for 3 months, best relationship ever, talking about meeting families, treats me like a princess...Same old bipolar story, I guess, from what i've been reading? Tells me a few weeks ago he tried to kill himself in college (4 years ago), and he goes on bad 'highs' and 'lows'. He tells me he wants to work on being more emotional, because most of the time he'll feel an emotion and then he'll rationalize it as unimportant. He then reveals that he's been fine until this past january where he had suicidal thoughts once again. But, no mention of bipolar. Just "ups and downs".
He goes on a business trip for 5 days, flies back to go to dinner with my friends from out of town, he's drinking and super tired/jet-lagged. He is very misbehaved at dinner, not looking at my friends, and said a very rude comment to me, which he apologized for once he realized it hurt me. The apology seemed very sincere, and somehow seemed worrisome? Like he was worried about something? He was talking a lot, and I just thought he was drinking and overtired. Then he spilled wine on someone and excused himself, after whispering to me over and over about how he needed sleep and needed to leave. He was very concerned and anxious. The next morning he reveals that the doctors diagnosed him with "acute bipolar mania". He kind of said it with a laugh, so I didn't know how serious this statement was. I asked him if he was on meds and he said no he's fine. He said " I don't know if i've been manic around you yet..." and the phone rang, so the conversation ended and I went home.
I hadn't really been with him for a week because of his trip. I tell him 4 days later that I don't know why it seems like all of a sudden he doesn't want to see me. I not yelling, just concerned. He's confused by this. Doesn't know what i'm talking about. He asks me to "be very clear" with him. I tell him it just seems like he's been like a different person lately, because usually he wants to see me all the time. This seems to really disturb him. He asks "how long"...I tell him really just since he left for the trip, but i'd been feeling a little strangely now for about two weeks. He told me after awhile that I sounded like a chorus of every person in his life. And he felt stupid, and like a loser, and thinks he should not drink.
Then, he says that i'm right, and he must have been "subconsciously avoiding me" because there's something "missing" for him. What?! I've never given him a hard time about anything before. He hadn't really done anything that wrong....Every boyfriend i've ever had has said or done something rude, or I have!, at one point or another. I thought i'd bring it to his attention, he'd recognize it, apologize, and we'd have fabulous make-up sex. He says "now that you mention it, I wouldn't have known it. I realize i've been thinking about this for awhile and I don't have those feelings for you". Said it so calm and matter of factly. I cried and cried and he just sat and stared at me, watched me cry. Wouldn't touch me. I said I didn't understand, you don't break up like this, so suddenly...We've never had a problem before. And, he said, that disturbed him too...That we don't really "connect". Before this all he said was how great we connected!
He was mostly calm, like devoid of emotion...Like he was intellectualizing his feelings too much. And, intermittently in conversation, he'd flair up and get highly irritated with me, and I felt like we weren't even talking about the same thing. I went to touch his arm and he cringed! He told me calmly that he sometimes can't be touched. He called me later to apologize for for hurting me and he'd be around if I wanted to call. I decided not to call and wait it out. He wrote me after 5 days and again apologized for hurting me, but thinks its for the best. I wrote him back. He called me and sounded very quiet and down and was very appreciative that I wrote him. He sounded like he was crying. I thought he'd want to work it out, but again insisted against it. He just told me days before how much he cared about me and how beautiful....
So, we ended the conversation with me crying, him sobbing, crying. Him saying he needs to "think about it". So, I just figured, I can't force him to be in a relationship, and I don't want him to get depressed...I dropped off his stuff on his doorstep that night with a very nice note, saying I understand mostly, but it hurts, and i'm sad, and i'm sorry, and I know he is too, and i'll see him again. It's been 3 days and no word. He's supposed to leave for a long road trip in a week. I was supposed to meet him 1/2 way and spend a couple weeks with his family. We've been planning it for a month.
Can I expect him to bounce out of this? What does it do to a bipolar person when you react so strongly? It hurts so much, because he doesn't yell, he just gets unreasonable. And overly intellectual. And how do you throw such a good thing away so easily? If he doesn't call, do I assume it is me and not the illness? How can you tell?? What is the difference between "normal" (if you can call it that) bipolar and "acute bipolar mania"?
Thank you eveyone who actually read all of this...
Last edited by soconfused77 on May 27th, 2005 04:02 AM; edited 2 times in total
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