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Whats Wrong With Me? (Page 1)

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A few years back I had a bad trip on lsd, were I basically detatched socially from my friends and was paranoid about what everyone thought of me, and perhaps lost my grip on reality in general, I guess I havent felt the same since, and its ruining my life.

I was also a highly active marijuana user up untill a year ago, im sure that didnt help, but after my bad trip I seemed to gradually change to a anti social person, with weird thoughts and phobias, now my reality is all messed up and I can have pretty bad anti social episodes/depression, and very low self confidence or esteem.

This has been going on for some time, and to cope I just became a house potatoe, never going out for years, playing video games and smoking weed all day, for years.

Every time I try to change things, I always seem to feel the same symptoms of being detatched from everyone and everything, and just fall back into my state of being anti social, with a weird sence of reality....I went to see a shrink a year ago he kind of sucked, and he put me on lexapro which didnt do a thing....I than thought I might have adult add, as I have difficulty concentrating and being able to handle conversations, sometimes I have a transfixed stare 0_0 as I look people in the eye and cant seem to comprehend what there saying, or I have a hard time expressing myself, in short my communication skills are very bad....

The sad thing is, before all this happened I was fairly social and respected, I enjoyed being around people and doing things, and vice versa, now im viewed as the village idiot, and people arent just sure what to think of me.

Now im wandering if I possibly have phycosis or some similiar disorder, im not completely crazy, as I dont see people or hear people who arent there, altough I do sometime sence things that arent there, like a paranoi, im easly distracted and all the sounds and sights around me kind of confuse me, I have a strong sensitivity to light, but I also have disconected thoughts, sometimes I feel like an empty shell, were things are happening or people are talking to me, and I feel like my mind is somewere else, I also have a somewhat twisted view of reality, the world just doesnt seem to make sence the way it used to.

Im really not sure what to think, but im thinking of seeing a shrink soon in hopes it really is some mental condition that meds can help with, or if im just crazy.


For anyone reading this, any ideas what could be wrong with me?
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First Helper User Profile Anonymous
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replied May 22nd, 2005
Check out anxiety disorder and then schizophrenia. Good luck, hope for the 2nd
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replied May 23rd, 2005
Re
Doing some research pretty sure what I got is a combo of hppd and dp/dr, angers me off so bad doing some drugs back in the day is going to hinder my life forever, as of now there is no cures.
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replied May 26th, 2005
Me Too!
Im having word for word the exact same problems and dont know what to do about it either. Paranoia is extraly bad for me.
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replied May 28th, 2005
You need to stop doing drugs
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replied May 28th, 2005
They say if the damage isn't severe, that if the drugs are out of your system your mind and body work out the problem by itself. There was a case of this kid who smoke weed and got parnoid that all the cop cars and helicopters were after him, well after medication and drug free for the rest of his life, after 5 months he was able to get off the medication, the thing was it only took a week and a half to suppress some of his paranoia.
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replied March 15th, 2006
I have a 2yr old lil' girl and before I had her I was like doing drugs...Hangin out u know a social butterfly. But like the past year, it's been like I am high all the time, but I haven't done anything in like years. I can't look people in their eyes, I feel like i'm not even in my body and wanna just sit and watch t.V. It relaxes me. So I kinda know how u feel I guess.
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replied May 10th, 2006
Re: Whats Wrong With Me?
Wow man I think I know exactly what you're talking about. Even sitting here thinking I dont feel like I can say what's wrong with me. But I have very similar attributes- horrible communication, periods of very low self esteem and depression. I smoke weed and I tried mushrooms like a week ago, but this has been going on for longer than that. I dont know what the hell is wrong with me and I f'ing hate it. Hate it. I dont feel I lead a normal life, and when I explain certain things to people they say everyone feels it; but I know it isnt the same. I have a very weird grasp of reality and I guess paranoia. I never feel like what I say is the 'right' thing to say, or the reaction I give or response, or whatever..I never feel like its right or appropriate. It drives me insane. I know this doesnt help you but you're not alone. Nice to know i'm not either.

Take care bud
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replied May 14th, 2006
Im trying to figure out if any1 has ever heard of what im going through rite now. Like I dont feel normal like I feel like the euphoria feeling all day kind of. Like 2 weeks ago I smoked some weed and I tripped out and didnt feel normal. Well last thursday I think I felt normal again im really not sure but I did some cocaine and my heart felt like it was gona explode and the back of my left leg started to hurt and at one point both my legs had went numb. So today is like the third day and like all day I feel the euphoria and I just know I dont feel normal . Im kinda paranoid sometimes but not really paranoid. Like im not keeping myself in my house I still go do stuff I just want to feel normal and im scared that I might have !**@! up something and aint gona feel normal again. Im not hallucinating or anything and I will never do drugs again. People do drugs for years and are ok and ive only been doin drugs for 3 or 4 months maybe I my body and brain just cant handle them like everyone else. Well I will never do another drug again. I dont want to see drugs or smell them at all and I will never do drugs again. Like I was at a party last night and I smelt weed outside and I went right inside. I couldnt really enjoy myself though cuz I dont feel normal and I just keep thinking like this aint gona go away. If I dont feel normal in two weeks im gona go to a doctor. Well I was just wondering if any1 has heard of this or anything and if you think ill be ok and will feel normal again
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replied June 11th, 2006
What Can Be Done???
Ok a reckon am on the same page as some of uz,its hard 2 explain a guess but here is whats going on with me...I have bad consentration span,bad short term memory,a get really paranoid when am out,thinking what people think of me?I get sore headaches,and have bags under my eyes and they get redish and puffy felling,i really fear being around people as I am really bad at comversations,a never say things the way a want to say things,a cant look people in the eyes for long, feels like there reading me? A hate being around people and there being a silence,makes my feel para,and its my fault or something..A think about what others are thinking,and always seem to think about my body language??I only really feel comftable at home infront of the tv,even tho it cant be good for u being locked away from the world.I hate this so much! I also have weird thoughts at times like..Am not really here,like why am I here,it feels like this life is a dream or that am already dead and this is how it is????Weird a no...Would a pysco help? Is there med for these things? What the hell is wrong with me....Any1 please please help
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replied August 7th, 2007
Ditto Ditto Ditto
feeling the same way. acid, mushroom, weed, x, cocaine, valium, liquor, cigarettes in my teens and twenties. casual use now and then on weekends mainly. Cigarettes daily for 20 years. Alcohol more often than other stuff (I live in New Orleans). Quit all drugs in '04. Drink lightly now. Still Smoke cigarettes but less. Never know how I'm going to feel or who I am on a given day. Loss of identity. Loss of Face if you can relate to that. Anxiety, paranoia, alnernating between depression and seclusion or delusions of grandeur and mania. Loss of memory - can't remember things I used to laugh about or events or conversations. feel like i am on another wavelength and not tuned into to coversations and the group or community. I can't be myself because i don't relly know what that meanssometimes i feel 35 sometimes 15, or 7. wierd stuff. I eat right, exercise, take Zoloft, see a psych. i have a house a fiancee good family many good things but can't shake these feelings with reason. I saw a study about drugs messing with your frontal lobe making it less active, faculties like planning reasoning, learning new things. Thanks
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replied August 21st, 2007
Same Problems
im experiencing the same problem like cant hold a conversation, feel anxious, and under pressure when with people apart from closest friends which im lucky to have, i always have random bursts of anger when something annoys me, i feel like i box up emotions then they all come out in one big outburst, this happens alot, also i do have periods of low self esteem and depression and have to try really hard to carry on as normal, people think im weird but they dont understand, im very self consious. and i really understand what people mean by having "weird sence of reality" but the thing is i dont neccesarily see it as a bad thing,sometimes i think to myself every1 else is weird and im the only real one everyone else is fake. im a really mild user of cannabis although i used to use more often ive also use coke every weekend and rarely pills and mdma, do you think that some drugs open your mind to what the world is realy like??and thats why people fee so alone and anti social,because no 1 else is on the same level, just a suggestion, please reply this is the only place i can talk about it
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replied October 9th, 2007
I'v had similar problems for quite some time now and the symptoms keep getting worse as time goes on. I'm 23 now and used to smoke lots of weed back in hs, after that I used coke a lot for about three months(once since) and drank like a fish. I'v done shrooms a handful of times and x twice. By the time I was 18 it was all about drinking but I think that drinking is and was a symptom of my illness. I started going downhill at the age of 17 and was sober for a year but things did not get better. For the most part in hs I had tons of friends and was a very social and well liked person but now I am the exact opposite. I don't have one friend today and everything I was starting to feel at 17 has magnafied 10 fold. I am deatached from reality, have horrible short term memory, anxiety, social phobia for reasons that have nothing to do with self esteem, and among other things feel hopelessly depressed. Booze was the cure to depression but even today after I'v accepted this is how life is gonna be I can't be happy or ever feel good. I walk like someone shoved a dildo up me and am the farthest thing from gay you can be, this alone is probibly the most frustraiting symptom. I shake when standing in line at micky ds because I have a hard time controling my motor functions( in general I shake when standing still upright unless I use every ounce of energy). Rarely I slurr my speach but do speak in monotone most of the time, I also tend to use automated responses that can make no sense at times because I'm so frickin nervous even tho I don't care what the person I'm talkin to thinks of me. I feel like a duck paddling like hell on under the water just to appear steady. I could never hurt myself but life doesnt mean anything to me.

I don't hear people that arent there and I dont see thingds that arent real. The drug use for the most part has been mostly weed(on a side not weed does not have th same effect on me today, I get super anxious and my heart beats faster than a race horse) and imo that not why I'm !**@! up. Its the genes. One of my uncles who was in vietnam has schitzophrenia and other than that my family is just unhealty heart wise. I'm guessing I'm blessed withe the same illness. Any thoughts?
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replied November 18th, 2007
Experienced User
This all sounds like depersonalization/derealization. It's a dissociative disorder a lot of people aren't familiar with.
I got it after I overdosed on Adderall.
For me the cure was klonopin.
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replied August 26th, 2008
been there/was there/am there/going there/getting away...
You know, it sounds like something—i don't mean to be one of those foolish, “aww it'll be OK” people—it sounds like something I’ve been through. Yes, I’ve done drugs before, some weed and some other stuff in my lifetime, I don't know anyone who *HASN’T* done/does do something at some point in their life—but drugs are easy to blame. So are disorders. Basically, what I think is that our society is really, *REALLY* weird in some ways. i think it tells us, even in 2008, more than 50 years after the whole mcCarthyism and television explosion, that we must be happy all of the time, and that we're all supposed to be Christian, and that we're all supposed to be Straight, and that we're all supposed to be White, and that we're all supposed to pay our taxes on time every year, and not have debt, and not be in a wheelchair, and wear nice clothes, and shave every day (men)/shave our legs every day (women). i think this whole attitude is really, really, old. i think it screws with our thinking. we're all supposed to be individuals. we're all kinda weird at some point. we're all paranoid, because hey, we have a lot to BE paranoid about - i mean, when you have people with blocked numbers phoning you up for money because the bill's due, and they won't identify themselves on the phone, or who call your parents, and you have strangers dressed in white shirt and tie who come to your door telling you that you have to worship a gold-plated angel who appeared to some joseph smith guy in Utah, or you turn on the TV and there's a man who's telling you if you want to get skinny eat a bunch of fat, etc, etc... all this is pressure, etc., it’s overwhelming, and oftentimes I think we just get really, really overloaded with all of the input our society is throwing at us, good and bad. I’m fortunate enough to live somewhere where if i get really tired of all this (!*(#@! i can just throw on some shoes and go run into the forest and scream my head off. then go have a few private moments, or take a hot bath, avoid the drugs, eat a little snack, if i have time grab my longboard and go surfing maybe, or just otherwise treat myself right. guess i've come to the conclusion that sometimes i just need a *()!#@ break. and often, nobody else is going to give me a break, so i have to just go and take it. i used to think i was paranoid when when it seemed like the whole world was out to get me. you know what? i think just sometimes it *IS*. but not the *WHOLE* world, and not *ALL* the time. maybe this is a good starting point. don't be so hard on yourself. there are some good people out there. real people. I’m an artist, so I’m used to people thinking that I’m different/difficult/overly sensitive, etc. I’m also used to not fitting in. if the world can't take you the way you are, forget it. just find your own path. even if it seems weird, if it makes you happy, and you *KNOW* it's not bad, then go for it. I tried Xanax for a while and it did absolutely nothing for me, nor did my shrink, really. But one day, my shrink (she’s a nice lady) basically told me, “Hey, ______, you’re different from a lot of other people.” and that's how I keep living my life today, eight years later. It’s hard being different from some people/everybody, but I firmly believe ya gotta be real in order to be happy. I don’t think it’s weird to be antisocial, or to want to close the window against the sunlight, or to not want to mingle with society, etc., but I *DO* think it’s weird to tell people how they’re supposed to mingle with this or that crowd, or how they have to open up their window at a certain time, or who they’re supposed to talk to/not talk to, or what time of day to get up and go to bed.

(By the way, if you are straight, or white, or Mormon, or gay, or black, or Hundu, please don't be offended, I do have friends and in many of these social niches, and I did have my Mormon friend read this first!)
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replied September 12th, 2008
i hate life
with one thing i am not like most of the people : i didn't use drugs ,and i don't smoke. ( because i lived in a society there's no drug problems, i heard about drugs when i become 17 on an advertisement, and never heard anyone having drug problems in this country )
****if u don't believe me than pretend it is true**********

i am like most of u guys: can't focus , can't read more than a paragraph, have hard time with people, can't think, and have weakness in expressing words or expressing myself, i feel like a shell, a void or something, i hate going outside my house and love being infront of tv or playing video games for more than 24 hours/a day, and i hate that i can't remeber my own mobile number and can't remember peoples names and i fear i could get fired because of this.

i used to be a role model for many peoples: i was always clean, wearing neat close, have great speech words, didn't and still not drinking coffe or doing drugs ,i used to have unimaginable memory and i used to read a lot without having any problem.
so i don't think it is because of drugs.

i hate life and the main problem is what i wrote above

so why , i am having the same problem as u guys.
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replied December 20th, 2008
maaan, I had a really similar experience. In short, your path to recovery is this: find something that interests you more than drugs. It's really that easy. The world is a sad place right now and I really don't know how I can blame someone who sits and at home, plays video games and smokes blunts. At least you're not out there raping Iraqis or collecting broke people's taxes. The lack of social skills is just the lack of confidence in your skills.

If you find something that really engages you, you won't have time to go pick up a sack. Next thing you'll know, it'll be like two weeks since you did any drugs and going back to it will just seem like a hassle. The effect of drugs isn't simply physiological. The fact that your thinking changes necessarily changes your thinking, you dig? Try being totally sober for a while and you'll start feeling really high just because it's such a different state of mind.

Anyway, the worst think you can do is assume you're permanently damaged and somehow incapable of being yourself again. Granted, you're a different person because you went through all that, but let it change you for the better. If you think it's hopeless then of course you have to find refuge in your substance but, if you feel like you're changing the world around you, you'll get high on that power and the positive feedback from people around you. Don't overthink the communication thing, most of it is just imitating what the other person is doing; the reciprocation makes them feel comfortable.

Good luck guys, it's really not your brain that's fried, the rest of the world is high on something and I don't want what they're smoking.
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replied December 23rd, 2008
Re: help out
yelowam wrote:
They say if the damage isn't severe, that if the drugs are out of your system your mind and body work out the problem by itself. There was a case of this kid who smoke weed and got parnoid that all the cop
cars and helicopters were after him, well after medication and drug free for the rest of his life, after 5 months he was able to get off the medication, the thing was it only took a week and a half to suppress some of his paranoia.
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replied June 3rd, 2009
ivee done a couple drugss,just turned 16,and i just started going to tha school i goto now and whenn i first got there i was the talk of tha school i was able get any girl i wanted to,then i got a girl.We went a good 2 months then went downhill and we broke up.After that everything changed i didnt get tha same attention when i first got there.I started feeling self consciousness not being able to communicate with othere.i goet nervous when talking to girls.now people look at me as a weirdo now,and it makes me really feel weird,so everything i do i think if its weird or not...idk i changed dramatically and i want the old me backk
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replied June 21st, 2009
Reading this is crazy, this post reflects EXACTLY how I have been feeling lately. Ok, here is my story- I am a 19 year old girl and started smoking weed on a daily basis a little over a year ago. My life is good; busy, I'm in college trying to get through and get into Medical school, so I'm busy and stressed but overall I don't have any complaints. The only complaints are in my head- they are mental and nearly impossible to explain. I remember watching my one of my friends for about a year as he started to become a stoner; I remember telling him I don't like how he is- he was different than before. I noticed he couldn't look at me in the eyes when talking to me and his mind seemed to be elsewhere... I didn't like it.

Well, a year later- here I am. In the same boat. I have a horrible time putting thoughts together, explaining things (as I usually lose my train of thought) remembering things (ugh. lets not even GO there- short term memory is a thing of the past) and I think I have turned socially dependent on other people. I constantly feel overstimulated and I am out and about with my friends almost 24/7. If I go back to my house or am by myself-- well, I just can't. I don't know why, but the idea of spending time with just myself is just impossible.. it's like I freak out and need to find 'soemthing to do'.

I had an ecstasy and cocaine problem when I was 16 and got put through rehab and did not relapse until last year. It was not good.. so I ditched the X and cocaine And that's when I tured to smoking marijuana instead of those other 'harder' drugs. I guess I told myself it's nothing- I treat it like it's nothing. I smoke probably between a gram to 2 grams just to myself a day. Not to mention w/ my friends and other people. I will proabably participate in smoking around 10 bowls a day on average.

Well, here I am now- and something One of my friends said the other day that really hit home. she was talking about how dry and dead her hair was and she said: "My hair is as fried as "__(my name)___"'s brain" =[ I don't now what to do- I suddenly feel extremely stupid, but it's only when I try to verbalize things. My head is going at a constant unhealthily quick pace and I can't control it.

I was diagnosed w/ bi-polar disorder when I was 14- but I think it passed. I was on medication for 5 years and just got off of it this past January. Ugh, I don't kow- I just feel so alone and like I am caught up in my thoughts all the time i just want to be able to sit and relax and read and not get all distracted or feeling stupid... What should I do? and What the hell is wrong with me?


Thanks.
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