Dating Forum - I Feel So Shallow! <-first Date After My Ex

Relationships > Dating Forum > I Feel So Shallow! <-first Date After My Ex

Q: I Feel So Shallow! <-first Date After My Ex

asked by: sarahk on May 20th, 2005

Experienced User

I recently split from my ex of 4 years, he cheated on me both physically and financially.
I was set up on a blind date with this guy, we chatted on the phone loads before the date, we had a giggle and didnt find it hard talking to one another.
He took me out to dinner, it wasnt awkward we laughed and talked about everything, he brought me a present and treated my like a lady it was lovely! He would be perfect my only problem is, is that I dont fancy him!!!! I fancy everything else about him, but physically I dont at all, I couldnt imagine myself having a physical relationship with him. Am I shallow?!!! Its really bugging me!!! I dont know whether to go on a second date with him because he's lovely and I dont want to hurt him. I think fancying someone is very important and I know people say true beauty is within....I think he's wonderful...I just couldnt bare the thought of it being physical?!!! What do I do? What would you do?!

Replies(8)

saz89

replied on March 15th, 2007

New User

Ive been in the same situation before and i tryed and i did have a happy relationship because you do love them more eventuly and it sounds sly but your happy withyour self because you kind of think your doing a good deed.
but it did end because i didnt fancyhim. however mybest pal was the same with a guy and eventully she did get physicalwith him and started fancying him , why not just give it ago slowly! [=x

DPantelones

replied on March 19th, 2007

Experienced User

Sarah, I for one think that the physical attraction is pretty much what causes us to fall in love...I don't believe I could ever fall in love with someone if I didn't find them physically attractive. Great friend maybe, but not a lover.

Go with your instincts and don't hurt the guy, I think you know it won't work out. And don't worry, there are lots of great guys you'll meet out there, take your time and have some fun!

RedDelight

replied on March 19th, 2007

Experienced User

Re: I Feel So Shallow! <-first Date After My Ex

sarahk wrote:

I recently split from my ex of 4 years, he cheated on me both physically and financially.
I was set up on a blind date with this guy, we chatted on the phone loads before the date, we had a giggle and didnt find it hard talking to one another.

He took me out to dinner, it wasnt awkward we laughed and talked about everything, he brought me a present and treated my like a lady it was lovely! He would be perfect my only problem is, is that I dont fancy him!!!! I fancy everything else about him, but physically I dont at all, I couldnt imagine myself having a physical relationship with him. Am I shallow?!!! Its really bugging me!!! I dont know whether to go on a second date with him because he's lovely and I dont want to hurt him. I think fancying someone is very important and I know people say true beauty is within....I think he's wonderful...I just couldnt bare the thought of it being physical?!!! What do I do? What would you do?!

Let's set something straight --- don't *ever*--- just settle. You have every right to say yes or no to a relationship. I will be honest- I have tried to date someone I wasn't attracted to. It didn't work out- of course.. and if anything I grew more and more annoyed with him by the day. Not because of his looks...because that "bond" wasn't there. It wasn't him.. it was me.

Tell him, that you feel it would be best to be friends at this point. Don't be too descriptive..just nice and simple. If he values you, he'll stay around to be friends. The more the merrier, right?

Good luck.. remember though- don't just settle!

-=Red Delight=-

boogieman1000

replied on June 6th, 2007

New User

If you really spend a lot of time with someone and still don't feel physically attracted to them maybe it's just not meant to be. Because you can find yourself in a lot of situations where you find someone ugly, and after spending time with them, you find they start looking good, that's when you know something's right!

ab07

replied on June 13th, 2007

New User

Been there. Just because he treats you like a queen, you may not ever find him as attractive as you want. And I agree with what redDelight said, the more I was around him, the more I became annoyed and eventually angry at him for something stupid. If you truly aren't feeling it, don't even TRY to force it. It will not come, and you'll just end up kicking him in the nuts- oh! Did I just say that? I meant getting more and more irritated every day... Shocked

nightangel73

replied on June 13th, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

I think there is got to be some physical attraction. If you really can't forsee being physical forget it. I have been in the same situation several times actually and here is what happened. My first bf I didn't fancy him but he wasn't that unatractive that I couldn't forsee anything physical. We got physical the time together. Anyways because I didn't fancied him meaning like I wasn't too physically attracted to him I broke with him. Then I came to have so many relationship with more attractive guys than him that didn't worked out. And in the end it took me more than a decade to find a guy that was as good as him. I think of him now and I find him the whole atractive. I dated other one time that had a very attractive personality but absolute no physical attraction so i just couldn't be with him. So I think even if you don't find the guy very attractive at least it must be physically attractive enough that you can forsee being physical.

Willa Weintraub

replied on June 13th, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

Re: I Feel So Shallow! <-first Date After My Ex

sarahk wrote:

I recently split from my ex of 4 years, he cheated on me both physically and financially.
I was set up on a blind date with this guy, we chatted on the phone loads before the date, we had a giggle and didnt find it hard talking to one another.

He took me out to dinner, it wasnt awkward we laughed and talked about everything, he brought me a present and treated my like a lady it was lovely! He would be perfect my only problem is, is that I dont fancy him!!!! I fancy everything else about him, but physically I dont at all, I couldnt imagine myself having a physical relationship with him. Am I shallow?!!! Its really bugging me!!! I dont know whether to go on a second date with him because he's lovely and I dont want to hurt him. I think fancying someone is very important and I know people say true beauty is within....I think he's wonderful...I just couldnt bare the thought of it being physical?!!! What do I do? What would you do?!

You know what the last 2 guys I have really liked,I did not find them physically attractive at first. they had great personalities but the looks were kinda holding e back.Well, I hung out with them more and more and began to like them and one day their looks weren't ugly to me anymore,they were very attractive! Maybe thats something you could try?Maybe hang out and don't push anything and maybe you will grow to think he is more attractive sine he's perfect in every other way!

Doriz

replied on June 15th, 2007

New User

To me it seems that you just reallt like him but just as a nice friend to spend time with. There is no need to rush yourself into having a relationship with this person. I think that you should just remain friends with him and you will see that someday someone else comes arond that you truly are attracted to physically and emotionally.

Good Luck!

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