Sexual Health - Women Forum - True Answers to Anything, From a Real Man

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Q: True Answers to Anything, From a Real Man

asked by: JasenG on May 17th, 2005

Experienced User

Ladies,

my name is jason and I have studied sexual psychology, abnormal psychology, marriage sexual relations, kama sutra, tantric sex, human emotional theory, practical sexual relation, sexual dysfunctions, various hands-on teachings and many many other aspects of the human sexual experience. I have had many partners (most experimental and all clean) and am offering my expertise and truthfulness. I will answer any questions that you were too afraid, embarrassed or didn't know how to ask that special someone in your life. I can be honest, straight forward, percise and kurt about anything. Please post any questions that you might have or pm me for a discrete conversation. Feel free to ask me anything...

Replies(118)

smile_of_aphrodite

replied on May 18th, 2005

New User

Question?

Since you have done all these studies, is it normal for someone to want to be choked during sex? I have never been abused in any way, nor have I ever been into anything like that. I have been sleeping with someone for about 2 months now, he is the only person I have ever had choke me. What does this mean? Is it normal? Is is safe? :?:

worriedgf

replied on May 18th, 2005

New User

Since you have studied about sexual dysfunctions, I need some advice or information with a problem my bf is having. We have been together for along time and our sex life is great, but the problem is that when we have sex he has ni problem getting an erection and has no problem performing, but when he is going to cum he only gets the feeling of cumming but nothing comes out. This just started a few months ago. Can you give me any idea what could be wrong?

JasenG

replied on May 20th, 2005

Experienced User

worriedgf wrote:

since you have studied about sexual dysfunctions, I need some advice or information with a problem my bf is having. We have been together for along time and our sex life is great, but the problem is that when we have sex he has ni problem getting an erection and has no problem performing, but when he is going to cum he only gets the feeling of cumming but nothing comes out. This just started a few months ago. Can you give me any idea what could be wrong?

the best way to help is to describe what happens during ejaculation. An ejaculation occurs when this fluid is propelled out of the penis. This occurs when there is a contraction of the bulbocavernosus muscles, or more commonly referred to as an orgasm. An orgasm is the actual contraction of these muscles expelling the fluid. It is possible to have an orgasm without the expelling of fluid. It is also possible to have the fluid go backward into the bladder, which is called a retrograde ejaculation. This is most commonly seen in men who have had prostate surgery or men who have had surgery to damage the sympathetic nerves. This may not be a cause for concern, but to be safe I would schedule an appointment with a urologist. They will run some tests to see if there is nerve damage or a possible blockage and "rerouting" to the bladder. Make sure that he lists all possible trauma to the area and any occurances of pain durring sex or urinating before going to see the urologist. It can be un-nerving and he might forget when put on the spot. Go with him to his appointment if it will help calm his nerves. Please let me know how it goes.

JasenG

replied on May 20th, 2005

Experienced User

Re: Question?

smile_of_aphrodite wrote:

since you have done all these studies, is it normal for someone to want to be choked during sex? I have never been abused in any way, nor have I ever been into anything like that. I have been sleeping with someone for about 2 months now, he is the only person I have ever had choke me. What does this mean? Is it normal? Is is safe? :?:

what you are doing is called erotic asphyxiation, or more commonly called "breath control play." it is a sexual activity that falls in the category of paraphilia (read: kinky sexual acts), which translates loosely to "erotic attraction to activities on the edge." there are many speculative explanations for what causes a paraphilia, but not a lot of agreement among professionals. Some cite specific incidents or gradual conditioning to alternative sexual activities.

The physical pleasure occurs because the brain's oxygen supply gets reduced. This condition is called hypoxia and can lead to a lucid semi-hallucinogenic state. Couple that state with an orgasm and some people find the sensation very gripping (as i'm sure you do).

The problem is that there's no sure way (or even a somewhat sure way) to know when you are at the point of no return from brain damage and death. The potential for fatal accidents occurring is always there with erotic asphyxiation and great restraint must be taken to insure that no accidents occour. Avoid having him do this when he is near orgasm as he may not let go due to his own muscle spazms. The tracea is very fragile and even if he lets go in time, it may be damaged and airflow reduced.

The main point is to be cautious. This can be a very rewarding act (i can only assume since I have never tried it myself) but just be very careful. The pleasure that you may have derived from strangulation during sex could be physical or psychological or both. Each type of pleasure can be quite compelling on its own, but put them together and the combination can create the motivation for a dangerous habit. Have him read this with you and discuss the limits together. Create a "white flag" or some sorts. Maybe an arm raise when enough is enough, or try doing this in a position that allows you to pull away if needed. Just be careful and use common sense. That extra few seconds at the end might be a few too many! Good luck and enjoy.

long viewer

replied on May 22nd, 2005

New User

Later In Life

My boyfriend and I have sex regularly, and it is quite fantastic. I know that right now he is at his sexual peak and he constantly wants to have sex- but what about later in life? I hear that men lose a lot of interest in sex, but how much... Would it go from like once a day to once a week or what?

trojanbaby

replied on May 22nd, 2005

New User

So you have seen breasts of all sizes? Which size is the best size for someone petite

trojanbaby

replied on May 22nd, 2005

New User

Also how do men decide what is girlfriend material and what is one night stand material. I dont act slutty at all yet all men seem to only want me for sex.. And if idont give it to them they lose interest

JasenG

replied on May 23rd, 2005

Experienced User

Re: Later In Life

long viewer wrote:

my boyfriend and I have sex regularly, and it is quite fantastic. I know that right now he is at his sexual peak and he constantly wants to have sex- but what about later in life? I hear that men lose a lot of interest in sex, but how much... Would it go from like once a day to once a week or what?

women and men have different factors that influence their desire. Men are usually always on but their drive can be affected by work stress, insecurity about the future, or one of many other factors. We as men never really lose interest in sex (we can than god for that) but can put it into the background of our mind. The best way for you to not let his interest fade is to keep it fresh. Even sex, if always routine, can get boring. My wife and I have been married for 3 years and are both 23. We noticed a severe lack of interest about six months ago and decided to work on it. We bought a few books, tried now positions, massages, etc and now have a reinvigorate sex life. Just make sure you can talk about it openly and be up for new things.

JasenG

replied on May 23rd, 2005

Experienced User

trojanbaby wrote:

so you have seen breasts of all sizes? Which size is the best size for someone petite

interesting that you should ask. In h.S. I dated a girl who was 17, 5'7", 110lbs, size 0 dress and a 'd' cup. She was very top heavy. I have also dated asian women that have little to almost no breasts. The main factor is not size, but proportion. While a size 0 and a 'd' cup might seem like the goal, she was almost awquard looking, same way a 6'0", 180lbs woman would look with an 'a' cup.
Let me know how "petite" you are and maybe I can help better. The ideal proportion (at least in my mind) would be a size 'a-b' for dress sizes 0-4, 'b-c' for 6-10 and 'c-d' for 12-up. That keeps the porportions equal. Hope this helped...

JasenG

replied on May 23rd, 2005

Experienced User

trojanbaby wrote:

also how do men decide what is girlfriend material and what is one night stand material. I dont act slutty at all yet all men seem to only want me for sex.. And if idont give it to them they lose interest

haha lol... Men are inherently sexual predators. Instead of stalking a gazelle like a lion would, we are hunting our next lay. As lions instinctively go for the weak or old, men are more attracted to an outfit that shows some skin, a provocative dance, or even subtle touches or gestures. Women, usually unknowingly, give off certian vibes that our 'radar' will hone in on when we are searching for an enounter.
The best way to avoid these types of advances is to not encourage them. Men can take a simple flirt or even an act of kindness as an advance on your part. Unfortunately, men are stupid, and you might not be able to avoid it. Learn to let them know in advance that your actions are not going to lead to a bedroom romp. We actually respect a straight foward woman and it should lead to a better night with the sexual tension avoided.
Remeber, we men are controlled by our little heads 90% of the time. Make your intents know and you might actually have a great time without the pressure of our sexual expectations.

Tamadrummer

replied on May 23rd, 2005

Active User, very eHealthy

Re: Question?

smile_of_aphrodite wrote:

i understand that jasen has given the explaination in the terms of todays society of "it is okay as long as you don't bother someone else with it"

well this behavior is in no way healthy, safe or recommended and if you die, your family will in no way understand that this was a sex act and your b/f will be placed in jail for many years!

Think about what is happening and think about the logic behind "strangulation/choking" and then put yourself in the picture and try to imagine how your family will feel. Also imagine how you will feel if your windpipe is permanantly damaged but you live and have to have a trache with an oxygen tube in your neck/throat for the rest of your life.

This makes no sense and you need to put a stop to this as soon as possible. Don't ever allow this weirdo ever choke you again!!! Stop now.

JasenG

replied on May 25th, 2005

Experienced User

Re: Question?

tamadrummer wrote:

smile_of_aphrodite wrote:

i understand that jasen has given the explaination in the terms of todays society of "it is okay as long as you don't bother someone else with it"

well this behavior is in no way healthy, safe or recommended and if you die, your family will in no way understand that this was a sex act and your b/f will be placed in jail for many years!

Think about what is happening and think about the logic behind "strangulation/choking" and then put yourself in the picture and try to imagine how your family will feel. Also imagine how you will feel if your windpipe is permanently damaged but you live and have to have a trachea with an oxygen tube in your neck/throat for the rest of your life.

This makes no sense and you need to put a stop to this as soon as possible. Don't ever allow this weirdo ever choke you again!!! Stop now.

tamadrummer,

you are wrong in your assumptions from my post. I quote: the problem is that there's no sure way (or even a somewhat sure way) to know when you are at the point of no return from brain damage and death. The potential for fatal accidents occurring is always there with erotic asphyxiation and great restraint must be taken to insure that no accidents occur.

Where in this did you infer that I was implying to "brush this aside?" I implicitly stated the concerns and dangers. I did, however, give the medical reasons for the sense of pleasure and try to explain what was really happening. You and I are not sexual police. All I did was give an unbiased response. You should have done the same. You are able to voice your own opinion without attacking others. Reply to her, not fight my reply.

JasenG

replied on May 31st, 2005

Experienced User

Are there no more curious women that want unbiased answers from a man? This thread was going so well.

JasenG

replied on June 10th, 2005

Experienced User

Everyone have a great weekend.

vanessalouanne

replied on June 13th, 2005

Extremely eHealthy

Can using a vibrator to reach an orgasim later ruin your chances to reach one without it??

sandyallen

replied on June 13th, 2005

Extremely eHealthy

This guy really sounds like a noodle head or a wannabe sex therapist. Well said tamadrummer, that person is sick. I mean, I have an open mind on a lot of things but, wholly-b-gollie.
Sincerely
sandy

JasenG

replied on June 14th, 2005

Experienced User

vanessalouanne wrote:

can using a vibrator to reach an orgasim later ruin your chances to reach one without it??

vanessa,

I am not sure about it ruining future chances, but I do know that most women are not able to reach orgasm without clitoral stimulation. My wife uses a small vibrator to stimulate her clitoris during intercourse and that is the only way that she is able to achieve orgasm. It is not because I am doing something wrong, or because she has used on too much in the past.
While most women find intercourse extremely pleasurable, it alone provides sensations that only very indirectly stimulate the area of the clitoris. As most men need direct stimulation to their penis to reach orgasm, most women (about 70%) require direct clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm. That's because the clitoris and the penis are equivalent in their capacity to receive sexual stimulation. When most women use a vibrator, they use it on the outside or very near the entrance.
You might be asking yourself: did I cause this dependence on my vibrator? Or was something wrong with me to start with?
There's nothing "wrong" with getting very accustomed to one particular path to orgasm. Probably, you first learned to reach orgasm with your vibrator and simply got habituated to it. That does, however, narrow the playing field for you and a sexual partner -- for now, if you want to reach orgasm the vibrator must be in the picture.

silver_tigress

replied on June 16th, 2005

New User

Strange Turn On

I know this guy and there's something really odd about him. I get the feeling that he gets turned on by women of all ages coming to him on health forums and desperately seeking answers to their sexual problems. :p

JasenG

replied on June 16th, 2005

Experienced User

Re: Strange Turn On

silver_tigress wrote:

i know this guy and there's something really odd about him. I get the feeling that he gets turned on by women of all ages coming to him on health forums and desperately seeking answers to their sexual problems. :p

silver,

how do you know me? Some might infer that there is a hidden motive, possibly even arousal; however, I am just a student of the sexual congress between the sexes. I offer only unbiased advice that is asked for. I do not presume to judge or give my own opinions. I am sorry if I come off as odd. My intent was only to give women men's general opinion and a clinical background on the issue. Most women do not have an anonymous man that they can ask these deep, personal questions to without embarrassment or fear of judgement. That is why I started this thread, and obviously a few have though it a good idea.

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