Confused About My Marriage Posted: 05-10-05 06:42am
I have been with my partner for at least
7years and got married about a year and a
half ago. Before the wedding, I started
to have feelings and attractions towards
other men, I dont know whether this is
normal or not. After the wedding, I tried
to make a go of things and although we get
on very well, our realtionship feels
strange. We dont have sex in months and
when we do have it, I feel strange, it
just does not feel passionate or kissing
him passionately feels nothing. I have
had sex with other people and iam not
proud of this but I enjoy it more with
thme than him. I love him so much and we
have a nice lifestyle together but it
seems that sex is a major problem. I have
spoken to him about this and he agrees and
we went on holiday there and did make love
but I felt nothing, but he does. Iam
scared that iam not in love with him
anymore and we dont have any children, but
I dont want to fling my marriage away as I
do still love him and dont want to go back
to living with my parents again and being
single at 29. What if I regret it in
years to come as he is a fantastic
husband, just dont know, well I do think
the spark has gone, would do anything to
get it back but have tried and nothing. I
can live this life if I want, as we get on
so well and would like to have kids with
him, but my heart is not in it, and I have
had sex with someone else and I dont
really feel guilty!! Can anyone tell me
loud and clear what is wrong with me?
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MissShortie
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 May 2005 Posts: 146
Posted: 05-29-05 19:45pm
Okay here goes to my 'personal' opinion.
You wanted to hear it blunt so here it
goes. Since you can't really make sure of
what to do about 'yourself' wether or not
you should just stay with him because hes
great, and you guys get along well, but
the sexual spark is out. Maybe you should
start thinking about him. Is this fair to
him that your having sex with other men
and not feeling guilty! Thats terrible!
You gotta know there is a big big big
problem there. And you know I dont think
you love him the way you think you do, you
love him most as a very very very close
friend, love in a marraige I dont think
you have because if you did you would not
be cheating on him, and you would feel
passion for him. He has the right to know
youve been with other men, and I dont
recommend bringing children into the
picture, its like your just using your
husband to get the 'good' out of life, but
having your own adventures on your own,
knowing that hes still going to support
you. You cant just lie and stay married
to someone because you dont want to be
single and live with your parents again.
If your not going to change things for the
happier with him, then dont waste his life
along with yours, let him go, let him go
find the women that will be passionate to
him and love him and be faithful. Have at
least that much respect and love for him
if you really care about him. Dont keep
him blind...
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Unhappy and unsure
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Jun 2005 Posts: 20
Posted: 06-13-05 14:43pm
I am going through something frighteningly
similar to you except that I am not
married. We have been together for 9
years and if our friends and family would
have it their way we'd be married already,
however i've always pushed it off for one
reason or another.
We get along great and he is really the
perfect man and I know I love him, im just
not sure im in love anymore. Our sex life
went from wow to what?
I find myself attracted to other men as
well and have cheated on my bf a couple
times, always with good friends who've
crossed the line first towards a fling.
Im not proud of this, and on occasion I
have lost the feeling of guilt as well by
trying to justify that the affair was
something to make me happy.
I do agree with missshortie that it is not
fair to the husband/bf and that by
cheating its ruining his life as well. My
bf does not know about my infidelities,
however he does know im not entirely happy
in our relationship and we're currently
discussion what we should do.
He loves me to death, but would rather end
it than know I dont want to be with him.
I havent decided either way yet, however I
think I want to fight for us. I do enjoy
the life he provides, who he is as a
person, and all the great times we have.
I know a lot of work needs to be done on
my part to remain faithful to him and only
him and im hoping i'll have the strength
to work at it and ultimately be happy.
Its scary, thats for sure.
Good luck and just know your not the only
one out there...Your so not alone.
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bobster
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 30 Aug 2005 Posts: 10 Location: UK
Posted: 08-30-05 07:59am
I have a similar problem, but in reverse.
Mty wife & I have been married for
nearly 8 years. We have two great kids,
but getting pregnant with the 2nd was not
easy for my wife. This killed our sex
life since it became a regimented chore
each month based on her ovulation cycle.
Since then (my son is now two) we have
slowly drifted apart. Last year she got
a job to help pay the mortgage on a new
house & she works in the evenings, she
also started going out for drinks with her
brother/friends; which meant we saw very
little of each other during the week.
Now she has had a brief affair. She says
she still loves me, but is not in love
with me (think she means as a friend). I
want her to come to councelling to try
again but she says she has done all her
thinking. She tells me she isnt going to
see this guy again but recently I can't
trust a word shes says.
I love her very much & the thought of
breaking up is killing me, not least at
the thought of what this is doing to our
kids.
Did you resolve things with your husband?
If so how & do you have any advice for
me?
|
bobster
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 30 Aug 2005 Posts: 10 Location: UK
Posted: 08-30-05 08:01am
I have a similar problem, but in reverse.
Mty wife & I have been married for
nearly 8 years. We have two great kids,
but getting pregnant with the 2nd was not
easy for my wife. This killed our sex
life since it became a regimented chore
each month based on her ovulation cycle.
Since then (my son is now two) we have
slowly drifted apart. Last year she got
a job to help pay the mortgage on a new
house & she works in the evenings, she
also started going out for drinks with her
brother/friends; which meant we saw very
little of each other during the week.
Now she has had a brief affair. She says
she still loves me, but is not in love
with me (think she means as a friend). I
want her to come to councelling to try
again but she says she has done all her
thinking. She tells me she isnt going to
see this guy again but recently I can't
trust a word shes says.
I love her very much & the thought of
breaking up is killing me, not least at
the thought of what this is doing to our
kids.
Did you resolve things with your husband?
If so how & do you have any advice for
me?
