New Here...and a Problem With Cutting...urgent! Posted: 05-04-05 23:39pm
I dont know why I cut anymore, its more of
a daily routine...I told my mom about it,
and she told my therapist, nothing really
happened because we all thought I
stopped...My father hacked me in half
about it, he doesnt understand me, and now
ive started cutting again...Ive got at
least 40 of them on my arm alone, and ive
started cutting my legs so my mom and
people wouldnt see them...Ive also become
addicted to starving myself for no
apparent reason, simply because I enjoy
making myself miserable...I dont think
anythings wrong with me, I just think I
need a new remedy...I know what im doing
is bad, and my boyfriend is trying to help
me through...Im only 15, I dont want to do
this anymore, but the bloodlust and the
pain is so desirable to me...I know whats
wrong with me, and im willing to change,
but im stuck in this vicious cycle in
which hell is in my favour...Whilst I go
about my daily life, I constantly think of
cutting, I like seeing the scars and
feeling the pain(my therapist doesnt know
all of this)and I enjoy destroying
myself...Its the desire to hurt something
that I like...My mom says ive been self
abusive as long as she can remember(and I
too)and I really want to stop...My mom
doesnt want me to take depression meds, so
what do I do? I cant stop and im scared
im going to really hurt myself, the cuts
are getting deeper...Please, anyone who
knows a better thing to do that this
please tell me.
|
poetmcc
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Mar 2005 Posts: 273
Hi Angel In Black Posted: 05-08-05 19:15pm
Hi how are you? The one thing I noticed
in youe message I would like to comment on
is that your therapist doesn't know about
youre feeling about cutting- such as
liking the scars and pain. Its great you
are seeing a therapist but they can only
help if you tell them everything. They
will help you, it's also really good your
mom and dad know...They can also help.
Often cutting is connected with depression
and medication can help in this case. If
your mom doesn't want you to take
medication maybe if she talked to your
therapist she would understand.
Sorry to have bad news but cutting is not
easy to stop. Its almost like a drug-
addictive. People have recovered from
cutting and I know you have the potential
to do that too.
You seem to need to talk to your dad that
cutting is not your fault, it was your
outlet for pain and you will try to get
better.
I'm sorry to hear that your cuts are
getting deeper- if you cut a vein or
something, you could bleed to death and
you're so young and i'm sure you don't
want that...
See your therapist agin if you can and
tell her- maybe show your post even...
Until then you could try this instead of
cutting
a) snapping a rubberband on your wrist
b) punching a pillow
c) turning up the music loud and yelling (
I do this sometimes)
d) draw red marks where you would cut
these are just stuff I heard from other
people who cut themselves, I know the
snapping a rubberband works for me....
Well I hope you'll talk to your therapist
and feel better.
Keep posting
ps- if only I could take my own advice but
its always easier to give advice and
take... Btw, I am 15 also
|
yelowam
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 May 2005 Posts: 15
Posted: 05-09-05 11:02am
My parents have a tough time reading me, I
feel they will never understand me fully
b/c they don't understand clearly the
feelings that I feel against them and the
events that have led up to my present
anxiety. I also realize that as much
as I trust my emotions, I really don't
understand my thoughts and feelings
sometimes paired up or even separte.
I won't be able to understand my parents
on that same token because we are judging
each other from different worlds.
Anything looks right when our own emotions
aren't involved, for example, like seeing
ur neighbors having a fun family time,
healthy relationships?, easy to conclude
at the surface; but understanding is
simpler than we make if :? Our emotions
:? Don't overlap the basis of the
relationship.
|
Angel In black
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 May 2005 Posts: 5
Posted: 05-10-05 22:33pm
Well, im afraid to tell my therapist I
started up again, because if I show her my
new scars, theyll send me to an
institution for sure, and I really dont
think I want to go to a place where people
with real problems should go...I havent
cut in several days, ive been training
myself to channel my anger through
meditation, turn it into a violent thought
I like, and cast it aside...Whilst ive
been doing this, things have gotten
better, ive been able to queue up my
thoughts and become more optimistic...But
for how long? Ill keep updating my
progress, I will only tell my therapist as
a last resort...I dont trust other people
in such positions with much of my deep
personal issues...
|
adambaum
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 May 2005 Posts: 54 Location: Home- Peoria, IL
Posted: 05-20-05 12:24pm
Angel in black
please tell your therapist or go see
another therapist, not all institutes are
the same, but I would like to see you get
some perfessional help, cutting is not
healthy and you already know that and a
therapist is there to help you get
healthy, trust them...
|
Angel In black
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 May 2005 Posts: 5
Posted: 05-20-05 19:07pm
Im not going to tell her, ive stopped
cutting completely, and I did this on my
own...I dont even want a therapist, its my
parents idea.I really am in good health
and im doing fine, im very happy(or have
been lately)and see no need for me to be
in an institution...
|
adambaum
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 May 2005 Posts: 54 Location: Home- Peoria, IL
Posted: 05-20-05 20:04pm
That is great news! Good for you! :d
i wish you the best you deserve it.
God bless you!
|
heartagramgirl
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 16 Nov 2005 Posts: 1 Location: Australia
Posted: 11-16-05 23:43pm
Angel : i'm a cutter too. I only started
recently, but i'm trying to stop and I
realise how hard that can be. I'm 17, and
I make myself sick as well. I just want
you to know that there are so many people
out here like you, who feel like you do.
It was wrong of your dad to get mad at
you, try sitting down and talking with
him. Tell them what you said on this
forum. It may seem... Whats the word...
Hypocritical, because i'm the same as you
and I havent spoken. But you're so young.
Use the support of your boyfriend to help
you. Don't let it take control of your
life, like it has for me. I run home
after i've been out so I can cut myself.
Look after yourself sweetie,
heartagramgirl xx
