I've been in your shoes dear, I recently moved across the country away from my family, to be with my new bf, where I have no one familiar, and its very expensive to call home, so I got very lonely for a lil while. I also already suffer from depression, and I am on meds. I think that what you are feeling is normal, its not clinical depression so much, because depression usually affects your body, and mind, making you sleep, eat, cry more, etc, and for weeks at a time not subsiding, but you just sound like your afraid of change in your life, and thats normal too, what you have to realize is, life isn't as short as it seems, if you take every day at a time, and enjoy the things and people around you that you love so dear....Well that should be enough, focusing on the future, about people dying etc...Is focusing on negativity, which doesn't help you at all in the long run does it? Realize that the people you have in your life are there for you, and perhaps you might consider talking to a therapist with your new husband so he doesn't feel as though you are afraid of being with him....Did I help?

I had to reply because your message reminded me so much of a time in my life. When I was engaged to be married (13 years ago!), I went through the exact same thing you're going through. I was so afraid of my happiness, that it actually scared me and I was so afraid of losing it all. I didn't want to leave home because I was afraid of never being able to come "home".

I took the leap of faith, though, and found that my life was wonderful as a newly married adult, too. I still have episodes of anxiety, which usually occur when big changes happen in my life (the birth of a child, moving, new jobs, etc), but I have learned that it is just part of who I am and it will be okay if I just forge ahead.

I have had some counseling along the way when I really start to feel out of control and I did take paxil for several months when we were preparing to go to russia to adopt our 2 youngest children, which helped me enormously at that time, but overall, i've just learned that this is who I am and it's okay and i'll get through it if I just don't stop moving.

Take the leap of faith and move to your new place. You'll probably find that your life is richer and better than you even imagined. And do whatever you need to do to not think about everything so much. I'm a true "overthinker" and have had to learn that thinking everything to death does nothing but hurt my presence of mind.

I'm wishing you the best. You'll get through this. It will pass. Hope this was helpful.