Hi natalie, how are you doing today? I am so sorry you are going through such a tough time. It must really be hard for you to always be worrying about commitng suicide and that other people are out to get you. The anti- anziety pills- did a dr, prescribe them? How long have you been taking them? Often it takes about a month for them to kick in. Ocd can also be related like you said. Again medication really hold hope for you here too. If you talk to a Dr. About this, maybe they can prescirbe medication which will relieve you of all of these symptoms. I know it sounds kind of morbid when you are scared of drugs that medicines are your only way out of this, but by your post it seems that you could really benefit from them! You could live a happy life or you can live the way you are living now. I can tell that you really want to have a happy life and you can. You can. You can and you will. You can and you will. I can't stress that enough. Please see a dr and tell her this, show them your post. Let someone help you through this. You deserve to get help and you desrve to live a full and happy life. You are a very special person because everyone is. I don't know whether you believe in god but there is a saying 'god don't make no junk" and its true. I'm really really sorry if I sound like i'm preaching, don't mind ok.
Ps: I am a teen and I have some of the symtpoms you have like over- anxiety and stuff and I am a true hypochondriac so ha ha if only I could take my own advice!! I'm glad you atleast asked for help- I can't even get myself to do that yet. Sorry this is so long by the way