Im 15 and diagnosed with minor depression by my therepist who I stopped seeing. I didnt have the normal symptoms of hoplessness, fatigue, loss of intrest. Its actully quite the opposite.

It all started 2 years ago thanksgiving. My oldest cousin, my best friend when I was a baby, was in rehab. Im standing there talking to his younger brother who is now 25, and I say to our cousin's new husband "this is my favorite cousin" and he said "yeah thats because he's the only one who will talk to you." "my favorite cousin" was the youngest one there besides me and he's 25.

I hated him for saying that, like I wasnt even accepted into my own family and that he just came it and took over... I wanted to hurt him. But I didnt, I laughed it off. Why? I dont know.

Then my mom and my stepdad were having trouble. Alot of fighting, screaming and words that hurt not only eachother, but me too, but they dont know. My mom has a disease called myelofibrosis, which she is currently in the hospital for out in washington. Im in ny living with my best friend. But my mom and step dad went through a messy divorce. The words that came out were really mean. I would often crymyself to sleep to get away from the screaming. I loved my step dad, he took me to ranger games and things and supported me in everything. They got divorced and we moved outta my old house the day after christmas. They refuse to talk to eachother.
At my black belt graduation my mom didnt want him to be there, but I had him come any way. He was part of the reason my acomplishements were achieved. I graduated to my 2nd degree black belt that night, and they sat at different tables, not saying a word.

So any way, besides my mom and dad being divorced and my mom and step dad being divorced, I was now living with my mom who was high stung b.C she was getting her bone marrow transplant in the near future, not to mention ur patience is short. Plus we were now in a house so tiny.

Then my half brother was thrown in jail.
Then I started failing math.
Then my mom went away.
Then me and my boyfriend of almost 10 months now are starting to have problems. Stupid things like rumors and things going around. What ever

now im living with my best friend, which is great. I still see my dad and step dad often, infact there friends.

These things motivated me to make the impression on people that im ok. Nothings wrong with me. Fake smiles covered the hidden tears that never will be shown. At karate, when I taught my students, when I took class, I look so happy, more recently I am, they make me happy.
I dont like to cry. Infact I think its weak. I hated it when I did or do cry myself to sleep, but I do it so silently that u could hear a pin drop.

Is that bad that I cant show emotions of weakness?
Does that make me weak?
What can I do?

I hope things turn around soon. Maybe you can help me.