What pills are you taking jenny? It makes perfect sense that you have developed an addiction, and so that is a problem in itself that needs solving. I am sure that if you are as open with your therapist as you have been here there will be no problem, and you can surely get the help that you need. Doctors have to deal with people with addictions of this nature all the time.

One question though. How would you describe your addiction - can you elaborate? You see I have an addiction to cutting myself as a means of self harm, but I take it that it is the specific drugs that you need, as opposed to the urge to hurt yourself?

Hey there! Thank you for replying. I take anadin or paracetamol but I don't think its just those tablets i'm addicted to, I would take anything that I know wasn't good for me. I have tried to cut myself but I wasn't able to, an eating disorder is a form of self harm but to me its not enough I need to do more.
My thoughts around taking tablets do change for example today I want to take them but with the intention to kill myself, its a terrible way to be, I just feel so alone. I have talked to my therapist about this and she is very understanding as she has been through an eating disorder herself and she knows all the things which go along with it. Today I cancelled my session for tomorrow which I really regret because I need to talk to someone but I just felt like I was too fat and I couldn't leave my house. An eating disorder is very difficult to live with and I don't know how to cope with it anymore. Tablets are my way out but they are a way to do harm to myself as well.
I appricate you relying to my post, I really do. I hope you are doing well
jenny

No problem... I'm doing ok but have some serious exams coming up in three weeks so i'm a little stressed! First - the paracetamol usage... You can do, and i'm sure that you know this, some serious damage of an irreversible nature with that drug. Promise me that you will lay off that girl! I know that you will not stop cold turkey but try to find a less harmful alternative (which, let's not kid ourselves, will be harmful to an extent). If you actually harmed with the intention of suicide, then I feel awful for you, but will ask you to remember the following. Self-harm is a way of preservation, as opposed to true physiological destruction (though physical destruction is a likely side effect). So you have made it this far with a coping tool that is crude, but effective. That definitely means that you can slowly learn to find replacement tool.

As far as the eating disorder goes, I could talk all day about diets because I have some nutritional knowledge through weight training (but don't know specifically about disorders in this field), but that ain't gonna help. You have to learn to love yourself. The question is how?

I have a therapist who will act as a "hypno-therapist"- this is a great way to seize the power of your subconscious mind, and there is no question that it works. Cognitive behavioral therapy was derived to an extent from it. So talk to you therapist about different ways to tackle the underlying problem.

There are so any forms of help out there for you. You just have to adopt the correct mindset. Hell, be arrogant! Be self-centered – you sound like you have suffered enough! Not many people have to go through what you go through- that is a fact. And yet you have still survived!

In the mean time hang-on: you can have such a nice life. Believe it.