Sorry but this is your man's duty, not yours at all

the bible says a man is to leave his mother and father and cleave to his wife

even if you're not christian this is just common sense, if he much as plays "mr. Stuck in the middle" for one second, he's just enjoying the tug of war, he's not fulfilling his duty to you, and you need to give him an ultimatum...If he wants you it's 100%, not anything less

he needs to tell his mom that he will not listen to wife bashing, and if she persists he will just leave...In short, he's got to be a man for the first time in his life and stand up to mummy and remind her that he's going to be leading his own family soon, and her days are done, she can go take a cruise and shut up...

This will be the dynamic of your relationship for as long as she lives if you do not get this ironed out now, absolutely guaranteed, and you will be a shriveled hapless mess with your in-law gloating that she has maintained her power...But it's not her fault, it's your hubby-to-be...He'd better grow up or you'd better leave or just wait until he does grow up before you ever marry him...

Thanks for your response. His mother in law ruined my bridal shower. It is a long story but she pulled out the waterworks 5 mins before my shower (i was late for my own shower!!) :(, she had the nerve to ask where her gift was since I got my mom something the morning of my shower (i got my then-fiance to give it to my mom - it was a dish to help with serving, it was to thank her for all her help). The funny thing is, in spite of how much I don't like her, I did have a gift for his mother, but I wanted to wait til after the shower so that I could give it to her myself. I was in tears right before my shower. It was horrible. I will never forget it. I still go out of my way for her. My husband tells me to just hang in there and we are going to have a "discussion" with his mother and sister (the sister is just as spun). I am a forgiving person, but I can only take so much. This has devastated me. There have been so many incidents where she was nasty in a passive-agressive way, to me. And you're right, the main problem is him, not her. He needs to stand up to her..But when I suggest that to him, he tells me I am trying to "write them off". I told him I want him to nourish the relationship he has with them, and I think sometimes he believes me..But he is not a strong person. I am a lot stronger than he is, he has even told me he gets most of his strength from me. I don't want to be a health forum and demand that he tell them off, but I am getting torn up through this whole thing..I need him to be a man and do what is right. I wish he would just do the right thing, for me. Thanks for your suppost and all..Dal. :)

In my last response, "health question" actually meant health forum...Also, excuse my french please :)

Stay away from the crazies. They're this age and have never changed yet.

If your future husband dont do something about it, this is going to burn a whole in your relationship. How crazy is it to say your mother-in-law destroyed your bridal shower...suppose to be a happy day.
Is he a moma's boy!
my ex was a moma's boy and is mom loved me, but when we had problems...she almost flew across the world just to try to break us up b/c her son cried to her.
I hope he doesn't tell his mom yall personal business or anyone else in his family so it can get back to her.
moma's boys...no women will be good enough for their babies.
P.S i wind up cussing her out & i didn't have any more problems after that. in the beginning people was mad, but they got over it.

WOW! All I can say is that I have been dealing with the same exact issue for 10 years. But now, she is verbally attacking our son. My husband tells me that he believes me but he loves his mom and we are just going to have to accept that she is "a little crazy." Oh no! Not with this mother bear!!!!! Time to move on to a happier and safer place for myself and my son.

i had the same problem for 10 yrs and 15 yrs later my ex has split with a 2nd wife and he lives with his mother at 43 yrs old !!just where she wants him.when we were together i heard her say to him oneday , please dont leave me and go away and marry her...and she said to me "once a mother always a mother"creepily though.im sure she even chose my son , joshuas name at birth.We reconnected just recently and she ran out of the house and said "you know you cant have him back".when my son was two she picked him up from daycare for me and when i got off work she had her big wooden door shut and my toddler was out the front yard on a busy rd.this occurred 3 times out of 3 pickups. i had to tell the daycare only i will pick him up.what was her reason for this ?i still wonder today.its mental !!!i wanted to move with my then partner and three kids 1000 kms away for better and more jobs and cheaper housing , but she came straight out and told me "were not allowed". today i live 1000 kms away and my sons have never known their father and tweve given him the oppotunity to , but he cant leave mother. my exs father died when my ex was 10 yrs old or so, so this mental woman has a guilt trip over them and some sort of strange hold on them.A good thing is because i actually love my sons i could never hurt them by slyly bullying their chosen wives or interfere. in my opinion these mental mothers are selfish and dont actually love their sons much , only care about themselves and their own power.

And the very best thing about my ex partners and i s breakup was never having to associate with her again. She blames me now for taking her grandchildren a thousand kms away etc ,but what does she expect ?she treated me so nastily and cruelly for 10 yrs ,knowing i couldnt even mention it to my ex as he didnt respond with one single word. i had to put up with it or lump it.i was on the verge of a complete breakdown with panic attacks etc ,you name it. i was a complete mess.
My message to dal is ,if your husband loves you ,he will tell her to butt out, but make your own decisions as this woman will secretly resent you after your husband says this for the rest of your life. Talk to all your friends and own family about it ,get some support now.

My hubby was the same way. My mother in law is cruel and two faced to both of us and the kids. That time is over now. My hubby has just spent 21 months fighting cancer. He is doing great but during that time his wonderful mother and sister proved exactly who they care about. Themselves. My hubby feels guilt for always having put them first and is now wonderful. Unless they do something in front of him he will never speak up but I can lay into dear mother and he sits there and giggles because he has someone to stand up for him. His mother spent his whole life convincing him the only people he could ever truly count on was family and they proved he means nothing to him. He wouldn't leave her alone with our son for 10 minutes, we tried it once and she was proud of how she abused him. He even asks my permission for her to come visit. I say yes when I can emotionally handle it and no when I can't. He doesn't blame me at all because he has been hurt so much by those two. He even has a real relationship with his father for the first time in 33 yrs because of course his father left the witch and she poisoned the kids against him. She really hates that.

My hubby didn't even tell her he was getting married, we just did it for us. No trouble from her 'cause she didn't know. He even had security come to his hospital room and made sure she couldn't call or visit when he was going through 2 stem cell transplants this spring. She caused him physical and emotional pain when he had a 14 hr surgery in January. Never mind what it did to me emotionally with how her behavior was. My daughter (previous relationship) was almost killed in a car accident last fall and she never once called to see how she was, she even made believe that she was never told.

The woman is a monster and it took almost 2 yrs of hell for my hubby to see it and get his priorities straight. I hope cancer dies from this world but also hope that all men with mothers like this wake up and see the truth staring at them.

I think mother in laws who are like this are jealous of what relationships their child has got, maybe they feel like they should of had times like you are having together, but i seriously suggest that you put them in there place even if you have to be a little harsh because if you don't it will only get a lot worse..good luck all