Im 24 years old, and I suppose I have an eating disorder. I have been whats commonly known as a yoyo dieter for as long as I can remember. I am 5'2, at my lightest I have been 112 lbs, and heaviest 150 lbs. At 15 I started to throw up after food, but that stopped for some reason, then I piled on weight, then I starved myself, lost lots of weight, then I put it on, then I did the atkins diet and lost lots, then I 'let myself go' by eating and eating and eating, piling on the weight and not going out because nothing looks nice on. That brings me to now where I am currently making myself sick after food. This has been going on for a month or so. I'm not bingeing as such, I am throwing whatever I eat up. If its a biscuit, up, 4 hours later a peice of toast, up. Some days I dont eat at all. I like starving myself the best. I am so fat though, I have 3 huge rolls of fat around my stomach and its vile, I have a fat face (unlucky enough to have a round baby face) I have grown big thighs, and arms but I dont have a big bum, I am very oddly shaped. Disgusting.
Ive got the best boyfriend in the world, we live together so I have to keep my secret carefully, I wouldnt ever tell him. I love him very much and am really happy with him (we've been together 2 1/2 years) after years of 'promiscious stupidness' with men and women. My evaluation of that period of my life is 'i had to act like a div because if I wasnt a div I wouldnt have been anything'
ive had the best childhood and ive got the best relationship with my boyfriend, I just want to be thin and pretty. I suppose self-worth is my lacking. Can anyone understand my predicament? Does anyone else have similar problems?