Im 24 years old, and I suppose I have an
eating disorder. I have been whats
commonly known as a yoyo dieter for as
long as I can remember. I am 5'2, at my
lightest I have been 112 lbs, and heaviest
150 lbs. At 15 I started to throw up
after food, but that stopped for some
reason, then I piled on weight, then I
starved myself, lost lots of weight, then
I put it on, then I did the atkins diet
and lost lots, then I 'let myself go' by
eating and eating and eating, piling on
the weight and not going out because
nothing looks nice on. That brings me to
now where I am currently making myself
sick after food. This has been going on
for a month or so. I'm not bingeing as
such, I am throwing whatever I eat up. If
its a biscuit, up, 4 hours later a peice
of toast, up. Some days I dont eat at
all. I like starving myself the best. I
am so fat though, I have 3 huge rolls of
fat around my stomach and its vile, I have
a fat face (unlucky enough to have a round
baby face) I have grown big thighs, and
arms but I dont have a big bum, I am very
oddly shaped. Disgusting.
Ive got the best boyfriend in the world,
we live together so I have to keep my
secret carefully, I wouldnt ever tell him.
I love him very much and am really happy
with him (we've been together 2 1/2 years)
after years of 'promiscious stupidness'
with men and women. My evaluation of that
period of my life is 'i had to act like a
div because if I wasnt a div I wouldnt
have been anything'
ive had the best childhood and ive got the
best relationship with my boyfriend, I
just want to be thin and pretty. I
suppose self-worth is my lacking. Can
anyone understand my predicament? Does
anyone else have similar problems?
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poetmcc
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Mar 2005 Posts: 273
Posted: 04-04-05 21:11pm
Yeah, I guess elf- worth is my problem
too. I dont want to say whether i'm under
or overweight. I like starving, iit makes
me feel good but I hate living with the
fact that i'm disgusting. I hate it!!!!
I have such a terrible life. I know what
you're going through. At least you have a
boyfriend to share your feeling with.
That's good. Does he know about this?
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Moojie Koo
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 31 Mar 2005 Posts: 20 Location: Western Australia
Feeling Discusting Posted: 04-04-05 23:39pm
I use to throw up my food years ago and
felt very much the same as you. I kept a
diary and it is very interesting reading
now!!! Man did I hate myself. I fell in
love which changed me completely. I am
now married to the man of my life and have
two beautful children. If you have done
every diet in the world you probably know
how to eat right but because you fell so
miserable and depressed it makes it hard
to just be "normal". If you are as in
love as you say you are you should talk to
your boyfriend about your problem and ask
for his help to be more disiplined when it
comes to food. Rather than doing the
latest fad diet why don't you try just
eating in moderation. Eat fruit everytime
you want to pig out. Have heeps of vegies
with your meals. Cut out carbs in the
afternoon/evening. When you feel like
you hate yourself go for a run or do some
other form of exercise. Exercise makes
you feel awesome. Stop hating yourself so
much otherwise you could loose your man
with all your negative energy. Throwing
up is bad for your teeth, hair and skin.
You will look more discusting by throwing
up. After a few days of just eating a
well balanced diet and doing a bit of
exercise your face will look brighter and
you will feel better. After two weeks
your clothes will feel looser. Trust me,
I have been there!!
