28 Year Old Virgin - Female Help Posted: 03-30-05 03:38am
[taken from my post in men section, but I
would like to see if some women can help
me understand]
hi,
after a long time I actually decided to
talk about my issues with someone, so best
place to start is a forum like this.
Let me explain my situation. I'm a 28
year old virgin and i'm having problems
approaching women because of my "flaw"
because I simply don't know how to handle
sexual encounter.
I know that some people would think that I
have serious psychological problems, but I
think this is not the case. I am normal
person, a bit overweight but all in all
interesting and appealing to women. I'm
fairly good looking and have no physical
problems except for being somewhat
overweight. It's funny how I can even
sense interest in women for me but i'm
afraid to pursue it any further then
flirting.
For those who might ask how, in this
society, this might happen, I would like
to explain. When I was a kid, I was
preoccupied with school, art and later
technology and computers. Since I am the
only child, I had the tendency to overwork
myself trying to make my family proud and
create something out of myself. Even
though, socially very active, I missed out
on a lot of things that young people my
age did at that time (clubbing, going out
with girls even drinking). I guess, I was
saying my time will come and I should
continue dedicating myself to career and
that I will find someone who will be right
for me over time.
Well this road eventually took me to being
a very successful persona in life, however
i'm afraid that I actually missed out on
the most important thing in life.
Now, i'm a half a man, with somewhat lack
of confidence approaching women, because I
believe that any woman who would be even
interested in me, would find me abnormal
for not having any romantic/sexual
experience as a man at my age. I also
became less confident about my penis size
(5.5"-6"), thinking that even if I somehow
found the right person, I would be
abandoned after that girl would lack
satisfaction from me.
It's interesting how I can handle so many
harder things in life but not one single
fairly normal thing as having sex.
Now as time passes i'm seriously
considering taking the easy route and just
going to las vegas and having sex with a
"professional" and several times at that,
to try to learn more. I'm starting to
think that i'm simply a very disturbed
person and that this might be the only way
to set myself free.
I want to get married one day, have kids
and dedicate myself to family, but it
seems that unless I do this, I wouldn't
know how. I'm even starting to work on my
body so hard, to get in top shape, hoping
that this will also give me more
confidence and success in making love with
women.
If anyone can advise me on what I should
do or if there's another way I can solve
this problem I have, I would really
appreciate it.
It's funny how I always believed that,
it's better to have sex when you grow up,
because you can understand it better,
experience it with understanding of love,
closeness to another person. But it seems
that today, in our society, this is not
the case any more and that i'm doomed to
stay alone forever. It's all about good
looks, one night stands, great lovers, big
penises and breasts etc.
Well hope someone will be able to help me
here.
Thanks for reading.
- just a guy
|
twentyone
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Mar 2005 Posts: 61 Location: uk
Posted: 03-30-05 04:46am
Its good that you are finally able to talk
to people about your concerns. A lot of
people are overweight and enjoy a
perfectly normal sex life, because you
were so dedicated to other things when you
were younger you just need a new way of
life and learn yourself to be the person
you wana be. You need to have the
confidence in yourself and love yourself
if not you will only give off the wrong
vibes to people. As for going to las
vegas I would say that certainly the wrong
thing to do. There will be someone out
there ment for you! And when you do meet
her it will be all the more special being
able to remember your first time and smile
rather than associate it with how you felt
at the time. Sex isnt always only about
looks one night stands etc but more about
finding someone who you connect with in
all areas. Sex can be worked at and is a
learning experience for all ages, dont
give up hope learn to love yourself and
others will love you too. Try and gain
some confidence in yourself not only
physical but mentally also. Anyways I
hope this helps you :)
|
Justin_Toronto
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Jan 2005 Posts: 418 Location: Toronto, ON
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
Posted: 03-30-05 11:00am
Hello brother,
hopefully I can be some assistance here
since I can half-relate to what you're
talking about. For one, the going to
vegas and getting a few rent-a-chick's...
That's an option that is totally up to
you. A friend of mine did the same
thing, except he went to cancun and took a
bunch of those girls. His objective was
just to gain experience and gather some
confidence. He's not a bad looking guy,
and can acquire girls without problems.
It looks like that was all he needed to
finally get settled down. A year later
he found his girlfriend and grew together
with her.. They've been together for 4
years now. Mind you, she was a bit
younger than he which does help offset the
inexperience in most instances. Again,
this is his experience.. But what you do
should definately be your own choice.
One thing you must understand, and it's a
difficult notion to accept is that most
people don't run around having sex with
everyone they meet, and that penis size is
not the defining factor for sexual
pleasure. Most single men learn about
sex and sexuality from pornographic films,
which is unfortunate as they really don't
teach how to truly pleasure a woman, and
they teach that image and size are what
makes the man. In the real world, this
does not apply to all women. The vast
majority are concerned about actually
having a healthy relationship. It's
similar to the
women-should-have-huge-breasts-and-tiny-bo
dies syndrome which are portrayed on
televison and again, pornographic films
alike. Many women feel this is what men
want, but the reality is.. Some men want
it, but the majority are after something
more fulfilling. Think about it.
You would likely make a better match with
someone a little younger.. Say 22-24yrs
old. This can be daunting, because you,
like myself, are already settled in a
stable career and it is difficult to
relate in terms of lifestyle and life
routines with someone in a different stage
of life. There is nothing wrong with
being shy to pick up women, many men are,
including myself. This has never stopped
me from attaining girls in the past
though. Sometimes situations arise, you
just have to provide a little initiation.
You can also always consider the
personals sites, dating sites, etc. And
lastly, due to realationship and sexual
inexperience you might be best off with a
church-girl.
Hope this helps,
justin
|
Justin_Toronto
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Jan 2005 Posts: 418 Location: Toronto, ON
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
Posted: 03-30-05 11:10am
Hello brother,
hopefully I can be some assistance here
since I can half-relate to what you're
talking about. For one, the going to
vegas and getting a few rent-a-chick's...
That's an option that is totally up to
you. A friend of mine did the same
thing, except he went to cancun and took a
bunch of those girls. His objective was
just to gain experience and gather some
confidence. He's not a bad looking guy,
and can acquire girls without problems.
It looks like that was all he needed to
finally get settled down. A year later
he found his girlfriend and grew together
with her.. They've been together for 4
years now. Mind you, she was a bit
younger than he which does help offset the
inexperience in most instances. Again,
this is his experience.. But what you do
should definately be your own choice.
One thing you must understand, and it's a
difficult notion to accept is that most
people don't run around having sex with
everyone they meet, and that penis size is
not the defining factor for sexual
pleasure. Most single men learn about
sex and sexuality from pornographic films,
which is unfortunate as they really don't
teach how to truly pleasure a woman, and
they teach that image and size are what
makes the man. In the real world, this
does not apply to all women. The vast
majority are concerned about actually
having a healthy relationship. It's
similar to the
women-should-have-huge-breasts-and-tiny-bo
dies syndrome which are portrayed on
televison and again, pornographic films
alike. Many women feel this is what men
want, but the reality is.. Some men want
it, but the majority are after something
more fulfilling. Think about it.
You would likely make a better match with
someone a little younger.. Say 22-24yrs
old. This can be daunting, because you,
like myself, are already settled in a
stable career and it is difficult to
relate in terms of lifestyle and life
routines with someone in a different stage
of life. There is nothing wrong with
being shy to pick up women, many men are,
including myself. This has never stopped
me from attaining girls in the past
though. Sometimes situations arise, you
just have to provide a little initiation.
You can also always consider the
personals sites, dating sites, etc. And
lastly, due to realationship and sexual
inexperience you might be best off with a
church-girl.
Hope this helps,
justin
|
Justin_Toronto
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Jan 2005 Posts: 418 Location: Toronto, ON
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
Posted: 03-30-05 11:32am
Hello brother,
hopefully I can be some assistance here
since I can half-relate to what you're
talking about. For one, the going to
vegas and getting a few rent-a-chick's...
That's an option that is totally up to
you. A friend of mine did the same
thing, except he went to cancun and took a
bunch of those girls. His objective was
just to gain experience and gather some
confidence. He's not a bad looking guy,
and can acquire girls without problems.
It looks like that was all he needed to
finally get settled down. A year later
he found his girlfriend and grew together
with her.. They've been together for 4
years now. Mind you, she was a bit
younger than he which does help offset the
inexperience in most instances. Again,
this is his experience.. But what you do
should definately be your own choice.
One thing you must understand, and it's a
difficult notion to accept is that most
people don't run around having sex with
everyone they meet, and that penis size is
not the defining factor for sexual
pleasure. Most single men learn about
sex and sexuality from pornographic films,
which is unfortunate as they really don't
teach how to truly pleasure a woman, and
they teach that image and size are what
makes the man. In the real world, this
does not apply to all women. The vast
majority are concerned about actually
having a healthy relationship. It's
similar to the
women-should-have-huge-breasts-and-tiny-bo
dies syndrome which are portrayed on
televison and again, pornographic films
alike. Many women feel this is what men
want, but the reality is.. Some men want
it, but the majority are after something
more fulfilling. Think about it.
You would likely make a better match with
someone a little younger.. Say 22-24yrs
old. This can be daunting, because you,
like myself, are already settled in a
stable career and it is difficult to
relate in terms of lifestyle and life
routines with someone in a different stage
of life. There is nothing wrong with
being shy to pick up women, many men are,
including myself. This has never stopped
me from attaining girls in the past
though. Sometimes situations arise, you
just have to provide a little initiation.
You can also always consider the
personals sites, dating sites, etc. And
lastly, due to realationship and sexual
inexperience you might be best off with a
church-girl.
Hope this helps,
justin
|
BADSAL
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Sep 2004 Posts: 257 Location: PA
Posted: 03-30-05 11:49am
I really don't know what to say. Don't
get discouraged. 28 is not old at all.
You hase so many years ahead of you.
When you do find the right person she will
love you for who you are.
|
guyphx
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 30 Mar 2005 Posts: 22
Posted: 03-30-05 14:34pm
justin_toronto
wrote:
hello brother,
hopefully I can be some assistance here
since I can half-relate to what you're
talking about. For one, the going to
vegas and getting a few rent-a-chick's...
That's an option that is totally up to
you. A friend of mine did the same
thing, except he went to cancun and took a
bunch of those girls. His objective was
just to gain experience and gather some
confidence. He's not a bad looking guy,
and can acquire girls without problems.
It looks like that was all he needed to
finally get settled down. A year later
he found his girlfriend and grew together
with her.. They've been together for 4
years now. Mind you, she was a bit
younger than he which does help offset the
inexperience in most instances. Again,
this is his experience.. But what you do
should definately be your own choice.
One thing you must understand, and it's a
difficult notion to accept is that most
people don't run around having sex with
everyone they meet, and that penis size is
not the defining factor for sexual
pleasure. Most single men learn about
sex and sexuality from pornographic films,
which is unfortunate as they really don't
teach how to truly pleasure a woman, and
they teach that image and size are what
makes the man. In the real world, this
does not apply to all women. The vast
majority are concerned about actually
having a healthy relationship. It's
similar to the
women-should-have-huge-breasts-and-tiny-bo
dies syndrome which are portrayed on
televison and again, pornographic films
alike. Many women feel this is what men
want, but the reality is.. Some men want
it, but the majority are after something
more fulfilling. Think about it.
You would likely make a better match with
someone a little younger.. Say 22-24yrs
old. This can be daunting, because you,
like myself, are already settled in a
stable career and it is difficult to
relate in terms of lifestyle and life
routines with someone in a different stage
of life. There is nothing wrong with
being shy to pick up women, many men are,
including myself. This has never
stopped me from attaining girls in the
past though. Sometimes situations
arise, you just have to provide a little
initiation. You can also always
consider the personals sites, dating
sites, etc. And lastly, due to
realationship and sexual inexperience you
might be best off with a church-girl.
Hope this helps,
justin
thanks everyone especially justin. I feel
much better now. I think I should
primarily work on my self-confidence and
try to relax. I think it's going to be an
interesting year for me. A year of
revelation :)
|
guyphx
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 30 Mar 2005 Posts: 22
Posted: 03-30-05 14:43pm
twentyone
wrote:
its good that you are
finally able to talk to people about your
concerns. A lot of people are overweight
and enjoy a perfectly normal sex life,
because you were so dedicated to other
things when you were younger you just need
a new way of life and learn yourself to be
the person you wana be. You need to have
the confidence in yourself and love
yourself if not you will only give off the
wrong vibes to people. As for going to
las vegas I would say that certainly the
wrong thing to do. There will be someone
out there ment for you! And when you do
meet her it will be all the more special
being able to remember your first time and
smile rather than associate it with how
you felt at the time. Sex isnt always
only about looks one night stands etc but
more about finding someone who you connect
with in all areas. Sex can be worked at
and is a learning experience for all ages,
dont give up hope learn to love yourself
and others will love you too. Try and
gain some confidence in yourself not only
physical but mentally also. Anyways I
hope this helps you
:)
twentyone, thanks for your reply. You see
I don't really want to do it with a
"professional" as I stated, however I
think that since this encounter might be
the easiest one for me to finally jump
that step. I think that i'm old enough
for it not to leave any emotional scars
but only to allow me to fill this void in
my life and get that self confidence and
some experience that the girl I would
really care about would enjoy. I think at
this point in my life my problem
approaching women is more because of the
embarrassment for not being experienced
than anything else.
|
BADSAL
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Sep 2004 Posts: 257 Location: PA
Posted: 03-30-05 14:51pm
Not all girls would appreciate a hot shot
guy who says all the right things and has
all the right moves. Those guys are
harder to trust. We think "is what he is
saying really real or is it just to get me
to like him or to bed????" sometimes just
a sweet honest friendly guy is way more
pleasurable to be with.
|
guyphx
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 30 Mar 2005 Posts: 22
Posted: 03-30-05 15:04pm
badsal
wrote:
not all girls would
appreciate a hot shot guy who says all the
right things and has all the right moves.
Those guys are harder to trust. We
think "is what he is saying really real or
is it just to get me to like him or to
bed????" sometimes just a sweet honest
friendly guy is way more pleasurable to be
with.
badsal, I know about what you're saying,
but it seems that even though i'm truly
honest and would love a woman that i'm
with and come from a full family with
moral values, it seems that good guys
always finish last. A sweet honest
friendly guy will in most cases, as in my
experience, be just a friend and someone
to talk to and the "bad" guys will be the
ones that women make "mistakes" with, if
you know what I mean. I just don't know.
I guess there's a fine line between bad
and good.
|
BADSAL
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Sep 2004 Posts: 257 Location: PA
Posted: 03-30-05 15:11pm
So what would you rather be- the guy who
girls make mistakes with; or a loving
husband with a wonderful family with the
girl of your dreams (once you find
her)????
|
BADSAL
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Sep 2004 Posts: 257 Location: PA
Posted: 03-30-05 15:58pm
Have you seen the movie "picture perfect"
with kevin bacon and jennifer aniston?
It's cute. It has the "bad" boy and the
"nice" boy.
|
Erikapie7
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Apr 2005 Posts: 11
the Right One Posted: 04-12-05 18:49pm
Maybe you're still a virgin cause you
havent found that right one! Lol
