Sexual Health - Men Forum - 28 Year Old Virgin

Hi,

after a long time I actually decided to talk about my issues with someone, so best place to start is a forum like this.

Let me explain my situation. I'm a 28 year old virgin and i'm having problems approaching women because of my "flaw" because I simply don't know how to handle sexual encounter.

I know that some people would think that I have serious psychological problems, but I think this is not the case. I am normal person, a bit overweight but all in all interesting and appealing to women. I'm fairly good looking and have no physical problems except for being somewhat overweight. It's funny how I can even sense interest in women for me but i'm afraid to pursue it any further then flirting.

For those who might ask how, in this society, this might happen, I would like to explain. When I was a kid, I was preoccupied with school, art and later technology and computers. Since I am the only child, I had the tendency to overwork myself trying to make my family proud and create something out of myself. Even though, socially very active, I missed out on a lot of things that young people my age did at that time (clubbing, going out with girls even drinking). I guess, I was saying my time will come and I should continue dedicating myself to career and that I will find someone who will be right for me over time.

Well this road eventually took me to being a very successful persona in life, however i'm afraid that I actually missed out on the most important thing in life.

Now, i'm a half a man, with somewhat lack of confidence approaching women, because I believe that any woman who would be even interested in me, would find me abnormal for not having any romantic/sexual experience as a man at my age. I also became less confident about my penis size (5.5"-6"), thinking that even if I somehow found the right person, I would be abandoned after that girl would lack satisfaction from me.

It's interesting how I can handle so many harder things in life but not one single fairly normal thing as having sex.

Now as time passes i'm seriously considering taking the easy route and just going to las vegas and having sex with a "professional" and several times at that, to try to learn more. I'm starting to think that i'm simply a very disturbed person and that this might be the only way to set myself free.

I want to get married one day, have kids and dedicate myself to family, but it seems that unless I do this, I wouldn't know how. I'm even starting to work on my body so hard, to get in top shape, hoping that this will also give me more confidence and success in making love with women.

If anyone can advise me on what I should do or if there's another way I can solve this problem I have, I would really appreciate it.

It's funny how I always believed that, it's better to have sex when you grow up, because you can understand it better, experience it with understanding of love, closeness to another person. But it seems that today, in our society, this is not the case any more and that i'm doomed to stay alone forever. It's all about good looks, one night stands, great lovers, big penises and breasts etc.

Well hope someone will be able to help me here.

Thanks for reading.

- just a guy

Replies(104)

tomz

replied on March 31st, 2005

Experienced User

Hello!

Guyphx:

even though my circumstances may have been different, the results were the same. I was single and alone at your age.

In my situation, I did not have a good role model of a marriage from my parents or good communication with my father on how to pursue girls.

To keep this short, I would recommend the following:

1. To be in a position to meet someone, you must be in the place to socialize around girls. What type of girl are you looking for? The faithful ready to marry, may be a large church/interdenomiation singles group, the partying type (bar scene?), fitness club, art association. The point is to find opportunity to meet girls in a safe environment to develope an aquaintenance friendship.

2. At this point if you find someone you are interested. Pursue. Send her flowers, ask her out, romance her, find out what makes her tick. When given the opportunity alone, kiss her. I started see my wife when I was 31, she has her own issues but it took her almost a year and 1/2 to realize her feelings for me. As long as you have a dating relationship, wear her down. As the man, you need to take the first step, make yourself vulnerable and ask the girls for a date or do something you have with a common interest. If the relationship doesn't go anywhere, learn from it and try again with someone else.

3. Read books about relationships to understand relationships. Read books on personality types to understand people. I even read men's health magazine for it gave insight on men's issue.

If you have any other questions, feel free to continue on this forum or send a private message.

As a guy, when you find a girl you are interested in, you must take the chance and pursue and hopefully wow her. There is the opportunity of getting hurt or rejected. That is not the end of the world. You learn from the relationship, move on, and use the experience to make you a better person for the next girl to come along.

Let me know if you have any other comments,

tom

dgroebe

replied on March 31st, 2005

New User

Okay here is the deal, I have been in those shoes. I was 22 not 28 but I had the same feelings about the small penis. You have to deal with this, the penis is not as important to woman as you think. She is not going to deny you because of this, if she did she is the one with the problem. I realized just what I was doing after I met my girlfriend. You are making excuses, the penis being one of those things a lot of men are insecure about. You are using your insecurity to feed your fear, and fear is the operative word hear. You fear women!!! Now that someone said it how ridicules does it sound. I made the same excuses except I was worse, I didn't have a job, I lived with my parents, I was very over weight, I didn't have a car, I do not look good at all, I am a obsessive computer geek, and to top it all off I have ocd!!! I did it, I found a girl, we have sex every night, and last week I asked her to marry me and she said yes. As opposed to me you are doing good. This is how I overcame, I read lots of books about sex... Lots of books. Pay attention to the for-play this is your personal secret weapon. Most guy's are just selfish, this is where you will prevail, this is going to make her friends jealous. As for breaking out of your shell, start speaking to women around you, in the store, at work, anywhere you can. Slowly you will learn that they just want an object to crave and if you are confident you can be that object.

scpa

replied on April 28th, 2005

New User

Dude, first of all, screw the viagra thing. If you can get hard, you don't need it. Having a not so big dick is not the end of the world. It's what god gave you, enjoy it. (i'm only 6" myself but have great sex...Just have to learn how to use it...) about the hooker...Don't demean yourself like that. You are a man, not a half a man, just a man. Just go with the flirting when your with a girl, and when you would normally stop, just get to know her, let herself get to know you, and you'll be fine. And don't let your weight be a stumbling block either. I've been chubby myself, but if a girl likes you for you, she probably won't mind a little belly. If it really bothers you, join a gym and lose it. Most of all, don't be embarassed about your physical body. Learn to enjoy it and to be able to give enjoyment and pleasure to someone else with it.

tellul8ter

replied on April 28th, 2005

New User

Hi, I saw this and just had to reply, I can tell you from a womans point of view that you being a virgin at 28 is a great thing, not bad. My fiance was 34 before he lost his virginity. I've known him for over 25 years and it was an honor that he decided that I was the one. Don't do the "hooker" thing. If you've waited this long make it worthwhile. If not for love than at least someone you'll have fond memories of. My fiance was so nervous he could have thrown up and being with someone you're comfortable with could make all the difference in the world. As for the 5.5-6 inch thing, that's average, not small and not scary. Any woman who has a problem with that has seen too many toys and not enough actual men. I wish you the best of luck.

tink85

replied on May 5th, 2005

New User

Hey, just wanted to give the female perspective again, back up what the last person said. Any woman who is going to think badly of u for being a virgin isn't worth your time. Relax. Everthing will work out in time, but please don't rush it and go to a "profesional". You sound like a sweat, caring person that some lucky woman will find when the time is right. Lots of luck!

truckstophero

replied on July 28th, 2005

Experienced User

If this is not a caca thread then my advice, as a 28 year old virgin too is wait.

I am not ugly, have travelled the world, have lots of friends and had lots of interest from women but have never gone all the way just because I am old fashioned and want to wait till I meet my soul mate. I havent yet and so I will wait, otherwise what was the point of waiting so long anyway, I might aswell have started at 13. I believe sex is something precious, not a sport. I think its perfect place is within a loving relationship with trust and commitment. If thats worth waiting for I will wait. I can't be bothered to throw it away on some cheap prostitute in vegas.. You will feel sick afterwards and have basically only masturbated with another body and not made love.

Forget it. Virginity or lack of does not define a man, the ability to commit and love does.

forgotten soul

replied on August 3rd, 2005

New User

people

I was 12 wen I first got laid n im lovin a bit o vagina everyday!

dimp

replied on August 3rd, 2005

New User

Re: people

forgotten soul wrote:

i was 12 wen I first got laid n im lovin a bit o vagina everyday!

dude your a dick

ravenightmares

replied on August 3rd, 2005

New User

Actress lisa kudro, from "friends", lost her virginity when she got married at 31. Its good to have morals, dot go out having sex with arandom person just so you can say your not a virgin, wait til you meet the right woman, but you have to be honest about the virgin thing, I dont think any woman will make too big a deal about it,dont worry.

brothaman

replied on August 7th, 2005

New User

28 Year Old Virgin

Man don't even trip on being a virgin!!!!!!! A lot of people out there wish

they could say they are still virgins. Why do you think some people are

getting operations done to become so called virgins again. You have

something that a lot of people can never ever get back regardless of

becoming celibate or having operations done. Once it's lost it's gone

forever!!! Me myself i'm a 22 year old virgin that's not doing anything

until i'm damn well ready. I get plenty of opportunities to have sex but I

choose not to. If I do have sex with a nice young women it's going to be

one that I want to sleep with. I don't go for the crap end of the stick just

to fit in with what's supposedly the norm. I look at it as a power thing

sometimes being that most dudes out there have sex because they feel it

makes them a bonafide man. What they fail to see is that it doesn't and

they are only doing it out of peer pressure. A man does what he wants,

when he wants to do it ,and how he wants to do it. A man does what he

wants boys only do what they can. Man more than half these dudes out

here that screw anything that walks aren't doing anything except making

illegitimate children that they don't bother to raise. In my opinion that

ain't no man that's a straight punk. I'll end this off by telling you just to

not only be true to yourself and what you like to do be happy with who

you are and what you like to do. Just keep it real and there ain't no

stopping you man!! Holla back!!

truckstophero

replied on August 7th, 2005

Experienced User

Sex without love is just masturbation with another body. I want to make love, not f***

fatfamily02

replied on August 7th, 2005

Extremely eHealthy

Re: 28 Year Old Virgin - Help

guyphx wrote:

hi,

after a long time I actually decided to talk about my issues with someone, so best place to start is a forum like this.

Let me explain my situation. I'm a 28 year old virgin and i'm having problems approaching women because of my "flaw" because I simply don't know how to handle sexual encounter.

I know that some people would think that I have serious psychological problems, but I think this is not the case. I am normal person, a bit overweight but all in all interesting and appealing to women. I'm fairly good looking and have no physical problems except for being somewhat overweight. It's funny how I can even sense interest in women for me but i'm afraid to pursue it any further then flirting.

For those who might ask how, in this society, this might happen, I would like to explain. When I was a kid, I was preoccupied with school, art and later technology and computers. Since I am the only child, I had the tendency to overwork myself trying to make my family proud and create something out of myself. Even though, socially very active, I missed out on a lot of things that young people my age did at that time (clubbing, going out with girls even drinking). I guess, I was saying my time will come and I should continue dedicating myself to career and that I will find someone who will be right for me over time.

Well this road eventually took me to being a very successful persona in life, however i'm afraid that I actually missed out on the most important thing in life.

Now, i'm a half a man, with somewhat lack of confidence approaching women, because I believe that any woman who would be even interested in me, would find me abnormal for not having any romantic/sexual experience as a man at my age. I also became less confident about my penis size (5.5"-6"), thinking that even if I somehow found the right person, I would be abandoned after that girl would lack satisfaction from me.

It's interesting how I can handle so many harder things in life but not one single fairly normal thing as having sex.

Now as time passes i'm seriously considering taking the easy route and just going to las vegas and having sex with a "professional" and several times at that, to try to learn more. I'm starting to think that i'm simply a very disturbed person and that this might be the only way to set myself free.

I want to get married one day, have kids and dedicate myself to family, but it seems that unless I do this, I wouldn't know how. I'm even starting to work on my body so hard, to get in top shape, hoping that this will also give me more confidence and success in making love with women.

If anyone can advise me on what I should do or if there's another way I can solve this problem I have, I would really appreciate it.

It's funny how I always believed that, it's better to have sex when you grow up, because you can understand it better, experience it with understanding of love, closeness to another person. But it seems that today, in our society, this is not the case any more and that i'm doomed to stay alone forever. It's all about good looks, one night stands, great lovers, big penises and breasts etc.

Well hope someone will be able to help me here.

Thanks for reading.

- just a guy

where do you live, your phone number, maybe a pic???
Jk
i would give just about anything to have a virgin for the first time. Guys get to experience that all the time, but girls not so much.

I am so just kidding--for I am happily married, but if I weren't I would hunt you down and give you the best time you ever had. For real

i am an older woman so I think I know a couple of things

good luck hon, dont worry you will find her when you least expect it. Just relax and let life happen.

wildkitty

replied on October 14th, 2005

New User

Re: 28 Year Old Virgin - Help

Hello,

i fully understand your situation and all but I thibk you shouldnt feel less unconfident because my bf is also 28 and still virgin( I live in holland he in america) but he now has me and he will come here next year!!!!
And we are very happy together!!!And I also dont love him only cuz I care about size....(hes not extremely hung!!!)but im not that unhappy with it at all......Maybe its about the chicks that just dont look deeper!!!

Im sure that if you wont give up and look(not desperately) you will find someone.Just go out and look places and have fun while doing it....

And also dont forget to stay who you are.....Dont change who you are for what ladies could want.

Wildcat

profoundpaul

replied on November 5th, 2005

New User

Advice Needed!

Hi guy's. I found this site really comforting. It's made me realise that i'm not the only one! Altho i'm not 28 i'm 19, its still pretty tough with the majority of my mates 'bragging' how much sex they getting! But my fears are not of woman finding my penis too small cus i'm well hung, but i'm scared of 'finishing' too quickley! Gets me all nervous just thinking about it! I don't wonna make myself look foolish! I wonna be mr boombastic! Lol any tip's on how I can overcome these fears? And finally meet a decant gal? I'm partically interested in womans opinions on this!

cd998776

replied on November 5th, 2005

Active User, very eHealthy

-kegels
http://ehealthforum.Com/health/topic46080. Html
http://ehealthforum.Com/health/topic42521. Html
-stop and go method (search the site; pretty self explanatory)

masturbating prior to sex will also help you to last longer.

Hope this helps!

Lilypad

replied on November 6th, 2005

Extremely eHealthy

Watch the movie 40 year old virgin...You will feel better I promise

cd998776

replied on November 6th, 2005

Active User, very eHealthy

^lol

bob2

replied on November 15th, 2005

New User

How the hell is a 5.5 inch dick small!!! I am gay and I can tell you that most guys dicks are way smaller than this erect, average i'd say around 4.5". No kidding!

Human

replied on November 16th, 2005

Experienced User

Hookers

Ok I dunno where your from. Where i'm from we have brothels everywhere, gorgeous women you go in choose one they give you a room you both take a shower girls are checked and tested. Anywho back to the point. All these other guys seem so against the option like your demeening yourself. Truth is i've never actually gone myself but many of my friends have, theres a brothel a block down from where I live and my god are those women hot. Back to the point again for mental issues (mental ed, virgin) i've noticed that prostitutes are better than doctors i'm not kidding. I know of 2 friends that had serious problems 1 of them for a whole year (girl told him his dick was small and scarred him for a longgg time) until they finally decided to go to a brothel. They said their very understanding, actually know a lot about dealing with men and problems such as this. Anywho after going both of my friends say the girls helped them get over their problems totally and completley. Another friend used to be nervous as hell around girls, he was a virgin like you and decided to lose his virginity in that way and he doesn't regret it one bit. I'm just saying if you can find high quality places like we have here where you live it's def an option. Your not deamining yourself, or stooping low, thats caca it's simply an option and looking at other peoples experiences it's actually helped where no one else could.

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