Joined: 27 Mar 2005 Posts: 3 Location: Oceanside,CA
What Is Wrong With Me...i'm Going Crazy Posted: 03-28-05 17:20pm
In a way I kind of know what is wrong with
me but my feelings go deeper and go way
beyond what my disorder says I am. 2
years ago I was diagnosed with "social
anxiety" I was always worried about what
people thought of me, how they viewed me
and constantly felt I was always being
judged. I could never speak in front of a
crowd without getting a panic attack.
But there is something else I am
feeling...When it comes to my
relationship:
my boyfriend has never given me a reason
not to trust him but yet every time he
goes out I cry my eyes out. I crawl on my
hands and knees and beg him not to leave.
I tell him I can't live without him and if
he doesn't stay I will die of sadness.
Then, when he does leave (especially if we
are fighting) I bury my hands in my face
and cry and cry for hours and hours as
hard as I can. I then feel as though I
don't have anybody and that everyone in
the world is out to get me. My sadness
that I feel at that time is unbearable, I
just want to go to sleep and sleep it off
so I don;t have to bear with the deep
sadness that I am feeling. It's
overwhelming. Also, other times we fight
I tell him to leave and when he does leave
I get in front of him and cry and tell him
not to go. He told me once he couldn't be
with me because of my "psycho" attacks and
I got so mad that a smacked him on his
face.
What is wrong with me!
I have everything in the world. I have a
great family, great boyfriend, great job,
great friends! But i've allowed myself to
get so attached to my boyfriend where I
don;t want him to have a life outside of
mine. I want him to never hang out with
his friend because I can;t bear to be
without him....
Something is wrong with me, someone please
help me understand!
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Leirononnoth
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Sep 2004 Posts: 4 Location: US
Just a Friendly Hello Posted: 03-28-05 21:49pm
First, I figured I would mention that I
will not probably be to much help in your
problem, but I would just like to tell you
that your not the only one. I'm 18 yrs
old, which I know isn't much, but compared
to some i've gone through a lot. I had
the same problem with my ex-girl friend
and I ended up pushing her away. I always
thought she was cheating on me. It never
made any sense but something was always
telling me that she was and I couldn't
shake it. I don't speak to her now for
fear of what may come of it. I feel so
lost half the time like I don't know where
to go from where I am. Loneliness is
something that is painful even to think
about sometimes for the thoughts that
occur after it starts. My family is
great, I couldn't ask for a better one.
My friends probably are not the greatest
in the world, but I can trust them for the
most part I guess. Sometimes I begin to
think they are double crossing me, but I
can eventually push that thought to the
side until it subsides. It feels like I
am always fighting with myself, and no
matter what I do I can't win. All this
may sound bad, but by far the worst part
about it are the panic attacks I get from
it. I can feel my heart start to beat
faster, the thoughts inside my head all
rush me at once, I begin to lose my breath
or become unable to breath, and last I
begin to cry. It's a feeling of such
intense fear that I don't know what to do.
If this is what you go through I am truly
sorry. I can not give you any information
about how to help except it never hurts to
let people in on your emotions, but I know
how hard that can be.
If you wish to talk more you can e-mail
me. I wish you the best of luck.
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emetophobiac
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 26 Mar 2005 Posts: 7
Posted: 03-28-05 22:38pm
I am 23 years old, and I know exactly how
you feel! My family moved out of state
and I have a boyfriend I was with before
they left, when you suffer from social
anxiety its like you cant go into a store
by yourself to buy something, and when
your closest person is your boyfriend you
attach yourself to the person you feel
safe and confortable around and when they
arent there you feel lost. My boyfriend
goes away for a weekend I bugg out, I dont
leave home, I wont go to a store, I feel
nauseous and nervous the whole time he is
gone, if I panic hes not there what do I
do? Im alone! I cant even go to a best
friends house to watch a movie I get
nervous I feel depressed, like somethings
missing, and it isnt nessesarally him I
miss, its our own insecurities, I would
recomend seeing a doctor about this, I
dont know if you believe in meds, but I am
actually going wednesday to the doctor to
try a different route! Good luck,
contact me if you want to talk further,
best of luck to you, get well!
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anxqueen
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Apr 2005 Posts: 24 Location: milwaukee wi
Posted: 04-23-05 02:20am
I think another part of it could be that
when you have social anxiety and worry
about other people and everything, you
worry about that person leaving you or
finding someone else who isn't "psycho".
It's a big insecure thing. You don't have
security within yourself, so how are you
to have it with someone. My husband used
to go out with his friends and even though
I new in my heart he would never cheat I
still couldn't bare the compatition or the
thought of him even thinking "wow that
girls hot, or fun, or I wish my wife was
like that or whatever. But I finally had
to realize that preventing him from doing
things would make him more interested in
whats out there. But if I was a "cool
girlfriend" he would be happy when he left
the house and not be as likely to look
next thing I new, he didn't want to go out
so much because "i was fun enough" trust
me it really helps. Even if you'll cry
when he leaves let him go without a fight
or struggle or letting him no your upset,
he'll leave happy and come home happy.
Try it.
